Daddy issues will not discriminate against you whether you are a man or woman, and/or the choice of your sexuality. Implying that, as a child if your father wasn’t the man you expected or wanted him to be, this is going to affect your adult relationships. Note that your father’s behavior whatever it was, has determined your beliefs about men in general. The relationship you had or didn’t have with your father is the foundation upon which you know how to relate with your partner(s), and other people.
In these EFT series I will be using EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique) to help you to resolve conflicts and negative stories reflecting on your father.
Please remember to go through this session for at least 14 days for it to be effective.
It is not only biologically vital but also spiritually imperative to grow up with our parents, mom and dad, or the equivalent, for us to develop and sustain positive-infused mindsets. Although overlooked, without both your parents in the picture as a child, you are bound to search for whoever was missing in the people you meet in your adult life. And that can be very frustrating.
Note that one is also impliedly psychologically and emotionally abused if their father or father figure was always absent in their younger days.
In this article, you will identify one of the problems created by not having a father figure or having an abusive one, and learn three simple techniques that will liberate you from this problem in order to develop healthier relationships with the men in your life.
Without a father figure in your life, you miss out on the security and comfort that a father figure provides (especially one with a healthy mind). A father is literally the first adult male you are introduced to, or is supposed to be introduced to when you are born. As such, he represents men in general and especially how men relate or should relate to women. Your father introduces you to the first standards that you believe every man should possess. If you saw your father treating your mom with respect, you tend to attract or choose men who understand how to treat a woman with respect.
If especially you witnessed your father abusing you or any other members of your family and never stopped abusing them, and/or never apologized, chances are that you have subconscious anger that’s not only directed towards your father, but all men. The consequences are that you will continue unconsciously seeking out men with behaviors similar to your dad with hope that they might abuse you and then apologize to make up for what your father didn’t do. However, even if you attract men who are apologetic for abusing you, they will not compensate for your father’s abuse. Therefore, you will continue seeking for abusive men, over and over again until you deal with your early father-figure programming.
Or sign up for my complimentary 30 minutes consultation session to set up counseling sessions that are guaranteed to help you take your power back from the negative past in order to live life on your terms.
Inventions are available to each of us if we open up our minds to them. It is both simple and exciting. If you want to come up with a new idea or service, begin focusing entirely on everything you do. As you go about your day, if you feel uncomfortable about anything you are doing, stop. Begin thinking about ways, means, or products that would have made your activity more comfortable or enjoyable to do.
An invention is the gap between the uncomfortable and comfortable levels. That is how cell phones were made, to bridge the gap between the discomfort of having to look for someone all over the place, and the comfort of just picking up the phone and reaching them wherever they are.
The next thing to do is search the Internet for any similar products or services that you think can bridge the identified gap. If there are none, then you have an invention. That idea right there is what you can turn into a mega product or service. The only work for you to do is to develop the confidence in the idea and pursue it limitlessly without letting anyone or anything discourage you. Remember, if you want it bad enough, you will get it.
We live in a material world, or at least need materials to facilitate our lives. Evidently materialism has its place. However, the source of materiality takes the superior position if compared to the latter. All things regardless of their nature and magnitude are rooted in immateriality, aka the invisible: and to be more specific, consciousness. To divert slightly, invisibility is the source of visibility. And sometimes, if not most, the invisible nuggets we possess are more powerful and impactful than our “visibles.”
Why am I sharing this?
Well, today is 28 years since my biological father decided to leave his body. At a very tender age, I looked at his lifeless body and felt my heart melt in tears by the burning, unending and determined pain. I was heart broken. I was confused, disappointed and afraid. I hadn’t known him long enough. I didn’t know how I was to remember him. I didn’t know what he had left for me, that I would hold onto to keep him alive in my mind, and especially in my heart. I moaned his death for years.
But today, I understand that the immaterial wealth our parents leave in us, is more important than the material they give us. I know that even if he had left for me the most expensive car on earth, it would not hold the same value, today. I have also learnt that values, skills, knowledge and wisdom, are some of the most valuable invisible nuggets that have the power to endlessly create visible things… materialism.
No material thing survives time. Time consumes everything. So, today, I sit in gratitude and honor of my father, because of the wisdom he gave me–wisdom that has stood the test of time. I remember he told me that money is important but it doesn’t buy love; forgiveness is a pathway to peace: and trusting other human beings is overrated. As I get older, these nuggets of wisdom are great additions to my personal values. They possess the potential for unlimited materialism, or wealth, in different forms. Most importantly, although I miss my father very much, what he left in me, keeps him alive in my heart. And although he is no longer visibly available for me to see, he is always alive in my mind, in my heart and in my life. He is always here with me in my very DNA: the DNA he gave me when he fathered me. And I will forever be grateful for what he left in me.
What is in this Story for you?
Below are a few of the takeaways.
True wealth is rooted in the invisible world. What you have, is who you are.
The most precious gifts in life, are invisible nuggets such as wisdom, knowledge, skills and personal values.
Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it is not there.
Gratitude is like a sun: it brings warmth and light in times of sadness and darkness.
“We live in an infinite universe that provides infinite resources we can never exhaust in a single lifetime.” ~ Dr. Jacent Mpalyenkana
The world has somehow convinced us, or rather, we have believed the lie that we don’t have enough. And that we have to struggle, work super hard, kill each other, betray and backstab each other, because if we don’t, we won’t have enough to survive. But oh, what a costly lie!
Before I was forced into taking on this spiritual path, for many years, I thought I was separate from the divine plan of God. I worried everyday about how I was going to make it in life. I studied hard, worked hard at the different jobs I was employed at, and almost killed myself trying to become super-wealthy and super-fast. But I was saved by the constant and consistent failure, itself. I hit rock bottom. Because I came to realize that I really do not have control. I am being done. I am part of a divine plan that provides everything, and it provides everything for everyone on this planet. Everything we need, is here. God is not a fool to create, and leave us suffering and living scarcity-infused lives. It struck me that God, the supreme being is abundant, beyond infinite. “He” created this world with everything we need to live abundant, happy lives. We dwell in the midst of prosperity, wealth, and opportunities that we can never exhaust. What separates us from this goodness is our limited self-belief. We believe to be our identities and just our bodies, We don’t know who we are. We think we are separate from everything. We think we are on our own. But we forget that there is not a we, without God, the supreme. We ignore the fact that our very heartbeats are provided by God. We are, because God is. And when we remember and believe this with our hearts, the shadows of fear, doubt and separation dissolve.
Believe this and be free. Trust that there is more than enough for you to enjoy, because of your very nature.
And remember, because of our free will, the universe, God, is to us, what we are to Him. When we open our hearts entirely to this magic, we refer to as God, life becomes fulfilled.
What a waste of mental and emotional resources to come up with a judgement about someone! Although the process is normally done in a matter of seconds or minutes, it is still a hell of a long process. And most importantly, you can never be certain about the content of a book by just looking at its cover.
When we judge other people or make conclusions about their behavior, we consider the behavior as the only subject to perceive. However, behavior is a projection of a lot more complex information in the person than the behavior itself, Behavior is just an output. There is more to it, than it is. There is more to the person than their behavior. And there is more about that person than who they think they are. That is why I have come to a conclusion that judging others is delusional especially because you are making conclusions based on very limited information about the subject.
So, what is the option to judging?
Well, people will reveal what is inside their minds through their behavior. However, let’s consider a few other details before we accept this suggestion as the truth.
Now, let’s imagine you go to the market to buy bananas. You will only buy the bananas that you like, right? You won’t go around the banana stall judging each of the banana batches. You might look around, pick up a few batches until you find the one you like. But your evaluations will not stick in your mind. You won’t drive home thinking about how horrible the other banana batches were. For the most part, you won’t even think about the bananas you bought. Likewise, you can relate to someone, and if their behavior triggers a negative emotion, memory or feeling within you, observe how you got to that mental/emotional state. Is this person’s behavior repetitive? Are you just having a bad day and this person just happened to be in your presence at the wrong time? As a side note, remember when someone insults you, it is just a projection of their misery. And if you get insulted, it is a projection of your insecurities.
“When someone insults you, it is just a projection of their misery. And if you get insulted, it is a projection of your insecurities.” ~ Dr Jacinta Mpalyenkana-Murray
Whatever your reasons are, avoid jumping to conclusions about the person. Perceive and conclude on the behavior, and then act accordingly, but not on the person. Trust me, that will save you a lot of emotional turmoil. Remember it is easier to deal with actions than with people. If you just judge their behavior as action, all you have to do is examine how it made you feel, release the feelings and let it remain in the past where it belongs. Move on.
That’s the job I am quitting. I am done working as a self-employed, underpaid and quack judge, lol. I am not good at it. It is so tiring to judge people based on their behavior. People are more than their behavior. People are always changing. My judgements are neither the entire truth, nor current. Besides, it is just too much emotional work. I have decided to focus on my business, which is me, how I feel and my mindset.
I have been following the Miss Universe, 2021 contest. And I saw many beautiful girls, whose beauty numbed my perception. These ladies are gorgeous, but above all, they projected gracefulness, confidence and inner strength. Watching them took me back to many years ago, when I competed for the Miss Uganda crown. And you guessed right, I didn’t win. But that experience equipped me with personal lessons than no other experience has awarded me. I learned that you don’t really compete with the other ladies in the contest, you compete with your inner demons, such as fear and self-doubt. Once you transcend these, there is nothing you can not do to identify what you need to change or upgrade about your identity, mind, body and soul, and then express yourself the best way you can.
As I watched the Miss Universe, 2021, contest, I thought, “What if we lived as if we were competing in a Miss Universe contest.?” How would we behave? What mindsets would we strive to have? How would we speak to ourselves?
I am sure we would exercise daily, stretch or do yoga regularly, eat healthy nutritious foods, take care of our skins, and hair. Dress to impress ourselves, imagine the best for ourselves, religiously strive at letting go of our inner demons, learn to love ourselves unconditionally, research on important global problems and think about solutions, think about how to give back to our communities, and plan on how we would make a difference in the world. I would also throw in daily meditation, to calm our minds and tap into our infinite selves.
The point is, we don’t have to wait to compete in a Miss Universe contest. We can begin today, this very moment and take care of our bodies, minds and souls. We can let go of our inner demons, right now. We can start loving ourselves unconditionally, right now. We can be confident of ourselves right now, by letting go of negative memories and beliefs. We can embark on a life long journey of feeling and looking good, thinking about what is good, being grateful for what we have, and visualizing the best for our lives. And although we might be busy with work or family, we can start considering ourselves as the most important assets in our lives. We can take time to focus on ourselves. Then, we can put ourselves first, so that we can be the best for everything and everyone else.
And guess what? There is nothing we are waiting for. We can own our crowns today!
Please share your thoughts on the new actions you are taking or plan to take, to be your own Miss Universe. Please join me in owning our own crowns.
As a side note, in my book, Command, you will get to release and let go of all deep core subconscious negative beliefs that block you from living life on your terms. You will release everything that shadows your light.
Don’t waste your time focusing on people who underestimate you. Focus on how you can up-estimate yourself.” ~ Dr. Jacent M M-Murray
Have you ever experienced some kind of emotional trauma or stress that manifested into a physical misalignment? Let us imagine you had brain surgery which damaged your sight or hearing functions. Or you lost a loved one, which traumatized you.
Could it be that you went through a divorce or a childhood experience that left you feeling completely disoriented and/or dissatisfied with life. Imagine people close to you or those you meet, implicate you as mentally retarded because of your emotional disabilities. This is an example of mental health stigma. Mental health stigma happens when someone discriminates, or treats you in a condensing manner just because you are either stressed, going through some hardcore challenges or is traumatized in some way.
How do you deal with them? How do you move forward without letting their actions affect you?
Here are a few suggestions that will help.
Do not react to people’s negative comments about your weaknesses especially if they are derogative. Observe and ignore. Don’t even respond to their bull shit. Remember that you are in charge of your inner world. You are in charge of how you feel. Do not give them your power of influence–meaning that be the only one who determines what influences you.
Don’t try to understand why someone treated you poorly. You can never understand why mean people do what they do. It is actually better if you don’t question because you might end up thinking like them. For this particular reason, the less you know about the root causes of people’s negative behavior, the better.
Immediately walk away from people who treat you in condensing ways. If you can alert the authorities about their discriminative behavior, do. If not, end the relationship immediately and go about your business. Protect your sanity.
Focus on your healing journey and mental health. Don’t allow outside negativity to influence you. Block it off by religiously focusing on how you want to feel.
Tame your attention. Watch how you distribute your attention. Don’t let the mind sway you into negative thinking. Bring your attention back to your awesome self. Dwell on what you have. Be grateful for your life, your heart beat. Know that with life, change is prominent. Everything changes, and this too will come to an end.
Remember who you truly are. Know that you are not your body, identity, history or experiences. Know that you are a child of God. Know that since God is infinite, you are not excluded from his presence. He is in you, and you are in him. There is no separation. Dwell on this truth with all your heart. And let the love of God heal and protect you.
I hope this helps. I know this is what I do daily to keep doing what I do.
I’m sending you abundant love from my heart to yours.
Love and light
##Check out this resource, it will help you. Click HERE to get access.
Written by Dr. Jacent Mpalyenkana-Murray, PhD, MBA
Reverend, Spiritual Counselor, Transformational Coach and Author, Speaker
You don’t need to answer that question, it is just my way of soliciting your attention.
Now that I have your attention, I just wanna share something about me. Tomorrow is my birthday. And I won’t share my age because I wanna save you from information about stuff that won’t benefit you in any way. Also, I have managed to convince myself that age is just a number. And although this doesn’t stop the changes in my body from happening, over the years, I have learned that how I feel is my choice.
What is Time?
Well, most believe time is the measure of the earth’s distance and space around the sun. And others are convinced that time is a man made illusion. I won’t take sides because I am not an expert in time, but I will concur with the precept that man might have invented time. Right now in Los Angeles, California, it is about 4.04p.m as I write this article. In New York, the time is 3 hours ahead. Somewhere in the world, it is 12 hours earlier or later than 4.04p.m. If man isn’t responsible for creating these differences in time, then who is?
Therefore, I have concluded that all time really is, is change. Time represents the constant change in the universe and everything in it. And since everything is always changing, then change is the only norm. Therefore, the first lesson that time teaches us is that it is the only norm.
Time is a projection of change. ~ Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana-Murray
Although intangible, time consumes everything, or rather, everything is consumed in it. Time leaves no stone unturned. Time teaches us not to take things for granted. Time consoles us by reminding us that nothing lasts for ever; and that everything that comes must go. In, and with time, there are opportunities to plan, execute set goals, look back to re-evaluate, hope for better experiences, and heal old wounds…physically and emotionally. Time reveals secrets.
Time is a grand revealer. ~ Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana
Time also shows us that when we waste our attention by focusing on our negative past experiences, the flow of life, won’t stop to wait for us. If we spend our time indulging in negative encounters, or relating with people who trigger feelings of hatred or sadness in us, time won’t rewind itself back to an earlier slot, in order to gain us more of itself so that we can use it wisely. Time waits for no one. And the truth about time is that you can waste it. Rather you waste your attention on things that don’t progress you. Time can’t be wasted because it is not a thing.
Time propels us to keep moving forward, and progressing. Time is the best revenge, because situations and people change in, and because of it. If there were no time, there would be no change, Everything would be static and dormant. Therefore, I have concluded that time is a tool that supports our expressions in life. Time is an intelligent teacher, who especially shows us that we are supreme to it. We can not be consumed by it. We are in charge. And we can use it as we please. Yes, our bodies can be consumed by time, but we are the never changing reality that observes it. And when we get still and let time and everything moving in it play without our engagement, God is revealed.
What has time revealed to you? How do you use your time?
If you have clicked on this article, I’m certain you are ready to be inspired. However, I have nothing new to tell you today.
I came here to be inspired, myself, and I am doing this by writing this short article. I am doing what I love to do and as I do it, I feel inspired and relaxed.
What’s the point of me sharing? You may ask.
Over the years I have learned that if nothing in the external world is inspiring you, go within and search for what you already have. Search for something that you love to do, that also helps others. It could be a hobby, such as painting. You could paint with the intent to donate the painting. Whatever it is that you love doing, has potential to inspire others. As long as it is not stealing or self-destructing. I am referring to a positive hobby or skill. Just choose one of the many you have, and determine how you can use it to help someone. That’s how I know that I can’t tell you anything new that you don’t already have or know.
Giving back, even in the slightest way, is not only rewarding, but also inspiring for the giver. As you give, you start realizing that you have an abundance of resources within you.
So the question is, what is a hobby or skill that you love doing, and also believe it can inspire someone ?
Over the years, there are a few people who have me hurt me beyond words. And I’m sure you can relate.
My stepmother did something to me that negatively impacted my life in ways I can’t even explain. For years, I cried day and night wondering why she could hurt someone’s child to that extent, moreover she has her own kids. I tried so hard to understand why God was so silent while I pleaded with Him to rescue me from the pain and negative consequences that her actions had created in my life, in vain.
Something else I held onto for years was the racism I experienced at a workplace, and from people I met in different organizations. Misfortune seemed to follow me around. Then, the discriminative tendencies from my in-laws, who treated me like I was less of a human being because I am black, almost rendered me insane. These things hurt me so much that I moved around with a heavy heart, sad, disoriented, and discouraged about life.
Some friends I had inspired so much when they were down and people I had supported when no one was there for them decided that betrayal was my best reward. And I am sure you can relate.
I was so determined to heal my life because it hurt. One day, I met my spiritual teacher, who literally rescued me from the brewing pain that I was actively fertilizing in my heart. Without even knowing what I was going through, he told me something that snapped me out of the self-inflicted pain.
“Jacinta, there is no God in the sky coming to rescue you. God is in you. God is your life. God is your heartbeat, God is your breath. So do yourself a favor and release everything in your heart so that you can feel God.”
Despite having a doctorate in counseling, it hadn’t occurred to me that I was the one responsible for the pain I felt. All the people I had perceived as “hurters” were doing themselves. It was their business. They were expressing themselves. That is the programming they had. It had nothing to do with me. My business was to keep my heart clear from all perceptions and judgements about people and experiences. And that I have the power to live life on my terms. “Release your heart to God….to the universe, because “He” is the real deal and the only deal.” My teacher explained.
Are you hurting because someone acted in ways that hurt you? Release the pain and give your heart to whom it belongs to…God. Say, “Dear God, help me forgive myself, and everyone whom I have perceived as a hurter. Help me release my heart wholeheartedly to you.” Say this prayer repeatedly and watch how the universe works. When you stand down, the universe, God, reveals fully as your supreme support, not that “It” wasn’t your support before you recognized this truth. Because God is your support, with or without your recognition. But when you consciously acknowledge that God is all there is, peace becomes your perfume.
I am sharing this personal story, hoping it can inspire someone out there.
Faith is under-related, at least in my experience. It is easier said than done to have unwavering faith when your world seems as if it is tipped over and at the verge of crashing. Doubt creeps in like a thief in the night without warning and promotes all sorts of fears, to reason you out of generating the faith you need to transcend whatever challenge is at hand.
Often, I am faced with challenges that render me speechless. Times when I don’t know what to say or do. And much as I know that faith is available for me to dwell on, for some weird reason I allow the doubt to take over. And the moment this happens the ego steps in and delivers thoughts that weaken me even further. And the more I believe these thoughts, the more I feel defeated. But when I realize that everything is just happening in my mind, I snap my attention away from these energy sucking thoughts and then focus on my self. And by self, I mean the incorruptible part of me that can not be affected by anything known or unknown. This “place” is a “space-less space” of bliss, unwavering faith, actually beyond faith, with perfumes of unconditional love and unexplainable peace. Then, only then is doubt permanently dissolved. To reiterate, I refer to this place as a “space-less space” because it is beyond space. It is uncontainable, indefinable, imageless, and infinite.
Every soul “CAN’ transcend anything and everything: and that “CAN” is God. ~Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana-Murray, PhD, MBA
We are all always looking for answers for the many questions that life throws at us. These questions are normally brewed from the obstacles, problems or challenges that we face. And our first instinct, at least mine, is to examine what skills or information I have to solve the problem at hand. However, more times than once, I find myself stuck, with no sense of direction. But I have come to realize that the one I know, which is Jacinta is not the answer to anything in my life.
Let me explain. My name is Jacinta; a name given to my identity. But in reality that is not my name. I am nameless. I am, is my original name. I am is your name also. I am, comes before our names: also meaning that it comes before our identities.
The name given to you at birth is the name of your identity, image or personhood. It represents what is seen about you. But what is not seen about you is the real deal. It is the soul, supported by the spirit of God. It is pure awareness. And that’s where all the answers come from. That is the foundation of our existence, support system and life. Your awareness, is you and you are also the witness of this awareness. You are infinite…just like God is. Because you are a part of God. Remember, God is infinite, and it would be extremely arrogant to believe that we are not part of this infinity. Note that infinity, incorporates everything that is finite.
Once we know who we truly are, extensions, children, or branches of the God-source, then we don’t have to worry our egoistical minds so much to find answers. We understand that the source of the solutions we seek is not from our identities. It is in the part of us that can not be seen by physical eyes, or understood by our minds. We learn to relax in who we are. We learn to let go, and let God.