Tired of Attracting Abusive Men? 3 Tips to Unlock The Subconscious Related- Chains


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Are you sick and tired of attracting abusive men?

You might have daddy issues. Read on!!

It is not only biologically vital but also spiritually imperative to grow up with our parents, mom and dad, or the equivalent, for us to develop and sustain positive-infused mindsets. Although overlooked, without both your parents in the picture as a child, you are bound to search for whoever was missing in the people you meet in your adult life. And that can be very frustrating.

Note that one is also impliedly psychologically and emotionally abused if their father or father figure was always absent in their younger days.

In this article, you will identify one of the problems created by not having a father figure or having an abusive one, and learn three simple techniques that will liberate you from this problem in order to develop healthier relationships with the men in your life.

The Problem:

Without a father figure in your life, you miss out on the security and comfort that a father figure provides (especially one with a healthy mind). A father is literally the first adult male you are introduced to, or is supposed to be introduced to when you are born. As such, he represents men in general and especially how men relate or should relate to women. Your father introduces you to the first standards that you believe every man should possess. If you saw your father treating your mom with respect, you tend to attract or choose men who understand how to treat a woman with respect.

If especially you witnessed your father abusing you or any other members of your family and never stopped abusing them, and/or never apologized, chances are that you have subconscious anger that’s not only directed towards your father, but all men.  The consequences are that you will continue unconsciously seeking out men with behaviors similar to your dad with hope that they might abuse you and then apologize to make up for what your father didn’t do. However, even if you attract men who are apologetic for abusing you, they will not compensate for your father’s abuse. Therefore, you will continue seeking for abusive men, over and over again until you deal with your early father-figure programming.

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The Solution:

Note that the tips I share below are not exhaustive of all the techniques and tools that you can employ to heal your early negative father-programming.

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Take time and write all your early father negative experiences, or no-father negative experiences. Be as detailed as possible. To guide you, you can answer the following questions:

  1. What exactly happened?
  2. Who was there?
  3. What did your father do, didn’t do, or should have done?
  4. In case you didn’t have a father figure as a child, how did this make you feel?
  5. How did those experiences make you feel about your father and men in general?
  6. How did these experiences make you feel about yourself?

Re-examine all the related feelings about yourself that were developed because of your earlier father/no father negative programming

Go through this simple EFT and Ho’oponopono to stop attracting abusive relationships session 

Click HERE to access the video recording.

If you want more, order the Daddy Issues Meditation CD from http://tapthegood.com/spiritualservices/

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Or buy my book (Love, Men and Money: How to Attract and Retain them) with detailed EFT and counseling scripts at www.tapthegood.com/books/ or from Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Love-Men-Money-Attract-Retain/dp/1480094897/

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Or sign up for my complimentary 30 minutes consultation session to set up counseling sessions that are guaranteed to help you take your power back from the negative past in order to live life on your terms.

Click HERE to sign up.

Dr. Jacinta Mpa, Ph.D., MBA, is a published author, counselor and transformational coach. For more about her, visit www.tapthegood.com.

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel to take advantage of the complimentary counseling or coaching videos – http://www.youtube.com/user/MsJacent

Twitter – @cinta_mcinta

LinkedIn – http://www.linkedIn.com/drjacintampalyenkana/

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The Source of Inventions: An excerpt from the Book: Do Not Force It, Tap The Good


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Inventions are available to each of us if we open up our minds to them. It is both simple and exciting. If you want to come up with a new idea or service, begin focusing entirely on everything you do. As you go about your day, if you feel uncomfortable about anything you are doing, stop. Begin thinking about ways, means, or products that would have made your activity more comfortable or enjoyable to do.

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An invention is the gap between the uncomfortable and comfortable levels. That is how cell phones were made, to bridge the gap between the discomfort of having to look for someone all over the place, and the comfort of just picking up the phone and reaching them wherever they are.

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The next thing to do is search the Internet for any similar products or services that you think can bridge the identified gap. If there are none, then you have an invention. That idea right there is what you can turn into a mega product or service. The only work for you to do is to develop the confidence in the idea and pursue it limitlessly without letting anyone or anything discourage you. Remember, if you want it bad enough, you will get it.

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Love and Light

6 Reasons Why We Stay in Abusive Relationships


To begin, what are abusive relationships?

Certainly, the answer is relative and depends on the way we individually develop our personal standards. Culture also has a lot to do with what is regarded as abusive and what is not. 

In this article, I share a generalized view of the different and common forms of abuse, and the reasons we stay in abusive relationships.

What are the different forms of abuse?

The list below includes some common forms of abuse although it is not exhaustive of what abuse can be.

  1. Saying Lies About You

When someone says a lie about you, they have abused your persona. They are probably jealous of you or just want to make themselves feel good by putting you down. Another reason why people lie about others is that they want all the attention to be directed at them. For the most part, they are insecure and don’t really feel good about themselves. They believe that by lying about you, others will turn their attention away from their weaknesses and focus on yours.

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  1. Lying to You

When someone repeatedly lies to you, they firstly do not respect themselves, and the same goes for you or anyone else. Remember, we generally treat others the way we treat ourselves. Most importantly, someone lying to you is a form of abuse. They abuse your intellect by lying.

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  1. Verbal Insults

This is self-explanatory. When someone insults you by either calling you rude names, making negative comments about your self-image, your intellect, or criticizing the way you do things, they are abusing you. I appreciate that at times someone might say negative things to you because they are going through their own drama and aren’t nice to anyone especially to themselves. But if one insults you more than once they have abusive tendencies. 

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  1. Judgment and criticism

We believe it is normal to judge and/or criticize others. But this is not only wrong but also implies that we are investing our focus on something that doesn’t, and will never promote us. We normally judge others based on what we’ve either been told about them, subconscious bias–if they are different from us, or if they intimidate us. We find a way to judge them–which means making conclusions about them without enough evidence. People are also so accustomed to criticizing others and constantly identifying what they believe is wrong with them. This turns into abuse if one is doing it often and doesn’t change even when you bring it to their attention.

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  1. Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone hits, pushes or engages in any forceful physical activity that causes you discomfort or bodily pain. Note that one time is more than enough times for you to walk away—and trust me on this one.

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Why do we Stay in Abusive Relationships?

In this video, I share 6 reasons that I believe you will relate to. I also share a simple yet powerful tip that will help you get out of any abusive relationship.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/DbV-AcxtN5k

What next?

  1. Firstly, thanks for visiting my blog. Please follow me so that you get periodical blogs on personal development and inspiration.
  2. When you click on the referenced video, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, share and like the video. If you have comments, even better. Please include them in the comments section below.

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If you are in need of a transformational coach and counselor, please contact me at tapthegood@gmail.com

Looking for a powerful life-changing self-help book to read? I got you. Click on this link to order your copy.

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA, is a published author, transformational coach, counselor and professional speaker. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthgood.com.

7 MENTAL TOOLS TO SURVIVE CHALLENGING TIMES


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Of late, turbulent times seem to be more common than peaceful times. The main, yet less obvious reason for experiencing turbulent times is because we’ve let the external world and whatever happens in it to determine the way we feel. The first step then, is to take full responsibility of the way we feel and then tap into our inexhaustible mental resources in order to get a grip of our feelings. Once we are less attached to our experiences or needs/wants, we access our inbuilt God-given clarity and enthusiasm to pursue our goals without the related stress

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In this video, I share 7 mental tools that are guaranteed to help you survive challenging times. Read them, identify those tools that you relate to the most, embrace, then employ them to help you get a grip of your mind, strengthen it, then move past the challenges. 

Link to the video -https://youtu.be/e2qMxnmToSM

Please share this content with those you think will benefit. 

Subscribe to my YouTube channel for obvious reasons. 🙂 – http://www.youtube.com/MsJacent/

This article was written by Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA. She is a transformational coach, counselor, professional speaker and published author. For more about her, please visit http://www.tapthegood.com

 

How Language Can Trigger Discriminatory Behavior


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One of the ways through which we make others feel discriminated is by the things we say, and/or how we say them. At times we might say certain things without even intending to offend others. However, if we say these things to someone who has already been discriminated or one who is aware of implied bias, we might trigger discriminatory and/or resentful behavior.

“The art of communication is the language of leadership.” – James Humes

Let me explain.

         “Our language is the reflection of ourselves. A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.” – Cesar Chavez

Let’s imagine that you are the only white man/woman in a large group of black people. In that scenario, it is very clear that you are the odd-man out. You definitely stand out in that crowd. Furthermore, everyone in the group recognizes this fact although they don’t say it. However, let’s imagine that someone in the group addresses you as, “Hey white man/woman, what have you been up to?” How would you feel? If you’ve never experienced discrimination you might deem this as funny. However, let’s imagine that you’ve been racially discriminated in the past, how would this statement make you feel? Chances are that you will feel uncomfortable. You will feel isolated. You will immediately develop a resentful attitude to protect yourself from any possible negative experiences with group. If you are not strong enough, you will walk away from the group. They may call you sensitive, but the fact is the person who referred to you as “white” was insensitive or maybe unaware of how language can promote discriminatory behavior.

How can we prevent this from happening?

    “A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” – William Arthur Ward

We can all be conscious of what we say, and think before we speak. In a group with people who are different from us, we should make sure that we do not use words that isolate the minority. We should avoid calling others by their skin color, race or religious background. For instance, we should never call someone by using statements such as, “White man/woman, black person, and African man/woman, Muslim or Christian.”

There might be incidents where the minority do not understand what the majority are saying because of a common slung used in that race, social class or religious group. We should then explain what we mean without coming off as being more intelligent.

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These are very simple tips but if ignored can be the foundation of discriminative tendencies, or resentment. Remember, language can create or destroy. Therefore we must be cautious about what we say. We must be kind to each other considering that although we are different, we are like apples and oranges: although they are different, they are all fruits. Likewise, we are all humans.

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Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA is a Counselor, Transformational Coach, published author and professional speaker who speaks on the subject of Diversity. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthegood.com. orhttps://speakerhub.com/speaker/dr-jacinta-mpalyenkana?b=s

Resolving The Root Cause of Most Diversity-related Challenges in The Workplace


FearDue to our very nature as humans, we tend to negate whoever is different from us. We want everyone to be like us. And as such, we impliedly develop bias towards anyone who seems different from us, or one who does things differently. Consequently, we prejudge, categorize, and even at times discriminate those who are different. In such incidents, we unconsciously fight the fear of the unknown with intent to protect ourselves, only to hurt others.

Therefore, the most impactful root cause of diversity-related challenges is fear. Let me explain.

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Imagine you meet someone for the first time and build rapport, a.k.a. connect to them through what you have in common, there is no fear. You open up to them, and even eventually build trust. You share personal stories/experiences and you become excited to find someone who is like you in one way or another.  Thus, there is respect especially if you have some for yourself. For the most part, the more you discover the commonalities you have with the other person, the more you want to be around them, and learn more about them: with the disguised hope that you will discover more things you have in common.

Let’s turn the tables around and imagine that you meet someone and they come off as very different from you, you will probably start searching for whatever is wrong with them. If you find nothing you can define as wrong with them you will most likely make up one. You will start negating them because you don’t know them. You will start blocking them because of the fear of the unknown: and at that point you are literally protecting yourself.

The question is, what do you do if you work with so many people who are different from you? What if you are the one who is different from everyone else? What if what makes you different is your religion, skin color, or social background? What would you do to be an active and positive member of the team if they immediately block you off? What do you think management could do to reduce this implied fear and the negative related consequences?

As an expert in the psychology of diversity and unconscious bias, with 7 years working with the United Nations Mission in Kosovo, I have learned from other experts and my experiences that one of the most durable strategies that seem to work in any workplace setting is for management to consistently educate employees about the mission of the organization, goals, and strategies. Furthermore, they should incessantly remind employees about the one thing that they have in common: and that is achieving the organization’s set goals within its mission. This commonality should be explained in such a way that specifically illustrates the related benefits if everyone is onboard. Consequently, staff members will be inspired to focus on what they have in common and then use what’s different about them to develop diverse tools to achieve this common goal in the most efficient and effective way.

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Questions or comments?  Please let me know. For more about me, check me out at www.tapthegood.com

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA, is published author, consultant, and a professional speaker who speaks on the Psychology of Diversity and Unconscious Bias, among other topics. 

Are You 100% Free to Be What You Want to Be?


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Some philosophers have argued that we are not totally free to be who want to be. What we think is freedom is merely being free to express ourselves as predetermined by our earlier and continuous programming. Due to the fact that being free means being happy and content with wherever and whatever one is, we tend to mistake settling for what is available, for authentic contentment. We forget that if we are unaware of other realities we have nothing to compare with. As such we regard our present reality as the real deal. Furthermore, because we are deeply programmed to believe and be a certain way, we conclude that this is the best we can be or do. We settle for beliefs  and lives that are not organically our own. 

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For instance, as I child, I was told, and I believed that if a woman rode a bike they would never get married. Because riding a bike compromised being feminine. Today, I’m still struggling to learn how to ride a bike–upon discovering that getting married has nothing to do with riding a bike. 🙂 
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That’s one of many beliefs that I was exposed to as a child, and I have had to examine, question and change my beliefs every so often in order to discover if they are regressing or progressing me.

The question is: Which of your beliefs are promoting your life?

Note that it takes more than wishful thinking to examine all our beliefs in order to originate beliefs and ways of living that are organically our own. Note that everytime someone starts questioning the general status quo, they are isolated, rejected if not killed. They are thrown out of the crowd. Think about people like, Martin Luther King, Jr, Jesus, the Christ–to mention a few.

So, if you want to create a reality that is organically your own, you have to step away from the crowds, follow your bliss and inner guidance, question everything, be open to everything, yet attached to nothing. You also have to be willing to be alone in order to find your authentic-self.  However, the benefits are inexhaustible. 

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In this video, I discuss this concept in detail. 

Link to VIDEO – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNgNA0oyGHM

Please share your thoughts. 

If you are seeking for a spiritual speaker to speak about “What it Means to be Free”, or  a counselor/coach who will work with you in examining your current reality and creating an organic one based on your authentic-self, please send me an email at tapthegood@gmail.com

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana.Ph.D., MBA, is a Spiritual Counselor, Transformational Coach, Published author and Professional speaker. For more about her, visit http://www.tapthegood.com

Get Up and Go For It Again – A True Powerful Inspirational Story – Your Periodical IV Of Inspiration


In this audio recording, I share a true story that I believe will inspire you to pick up your broken pieces, wipe off the dust and get moving.

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Link to audio recording – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT7F86eNUcE

Remember to look out for the 10 Weeks Inner-World Mastery Boot Camp Program coming up in a few weeks.

For your personal counseling and coaching solutions, check out http://www.tapthegood.com or send an email to tapthegood@gmail.com

Love and light

The author, Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Phd, MBA is an Addictions/Co-dependency Counselor, a Transformational Coach, Published Author and Inspirational Speaker.

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

The Most Powerful Communication Tool To Achieve Sustained-Business Success


Communicating Your way to SUCCESS

I’m glad I caught your attention.  🙂 

The question is: what do you think is the most powerful communication tool that will earn you sustainable business success? What most people think it is, is not what it is. 

The most powerful communication tool is simple: the way you communicate to yourself. (Aka, self-talk) Remember that everything begins from within you. You are the most important resource you have for your business, and life in general.

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You might have all the physical resources: money, cars, buildings, connections, etc, but if you don’t communicate to yourself in a positive, energizing way, you won’t be able to capitalize on those resources. For instance, if your inner voice is always telling you that you are not good enough, or that everything will always go wrong, no amount of money will help you achieve sustained success. Why? Because, you will find a way…

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