No One owes you anything!

Out of frustration and lack of answers, we all at times turn to the people, organizations and/or things around us, to blame.  These are times when we can’t mentally digest or comprehend a situation that we might be faced with. It could also be discouraging when you look around you occasionally and discover that you are the only one struggling while others are excelling at whatever they are doing.


In the past, short of answers, I rang my mother and harassed her for hours about a challenge that I was facing; one that she had absolutely nothing to do with. I always expected her to have the answers. I will rephrase that; I actually had this profound conviction that she owed me answers, and explanations, and that she knew it all.  When I was younger, she attempted to come up with answers that made me feel better; whether they were viable or not, I was happy. However as I got older, she slowly started leading me into coming up with my own answers and/or solutions. “Give it a week; think about it; the answer is within you,” were some of her suggestions. In the beginning I got angry and concluded that she was probably just finding a way to avoid me. However I later appreciated the fact that she was not only trying to empower me, but also teach me that I had the power to make my own decisions, and also find my own answers.  

On a more generalized level, many sit back and wait for their families to take care of them; governments to carter for their needs; employers to give them jobs.  However when things do not turn out the way they want, they blame everyone else but themselves. They blame their families, the government, employers, name it, they blame it. It gets to a point when their failures, challenges and/or unhappiness are everyone’s fault.

Please be reminded that no one owes you anything. No one owes you a job, housing, love, prosperity, peace and/or happiness. You owe yourself everything you need to survive and be happy. You owe yourself the mental, emotional and spiritual attitudes required to get your hearts’ desires.

Therefore, what have you done for yourself lately to stretch and improve your situation, or empower and/or develop yourself further?  What are your limiting blocks? What are your excuses?

Are you PERFECT?

Many, if not all people get offended whenever this question is posed to them.

Perfection of the self has been questioned and ridiculed longer than time. It has been debated century after another in an attempt to discover what it really denotes. 

Firstly, we are all different in so many ways, which also implies that perceptions of what is perfect and what is not drastically vary. One’s sense of perfection may be another’s sense of the absolute opposite.  

Accordingly, whenever this question is posed to anyone, it tends to scream “criticism” or “disapproval” since it is rarely used with honest intent.

My point of view is that we are perfect as long as we stop trying to impress, scorn and/or out-compete others. Furthermore, the self less of fear, resentment, self hatred, self-judgment and punishment,   selfishness, envy and all negative feelings in general, is perfection.

Perfection is more of an inner concept than the physical self which apparently changes with every second we breathe.

Perfection is when one loves him/herself unconditionally to a sweet level of loving others without expecting anything in return. Which also implies that he/she doesn’t take things personally, doesn’t make assumptions, and is impeccable with his/her word. If one is truthful with him/herself, forgives him/herself easily, makes personal decisions without seeking external approval, then that is perfection.

Perfection is being in touch with oneself 24/7, believing in oneself and knowing that he/she is a perfect creation of God.

So, this brings me back to my original question; are you perfect?

Well, am not; but am working on it.

When the going gets tough….

When the going gets tough…..

The famous saying “when the going gets tough, the tough get going,” is no joke.

In these global economic and social turbulent times, only those with a thick skin can survive. With the recession stretching many to a new level of stress, including self discovery, innovation and change, some are just launching their ideas and/or products/services in new markets; markets which are circulated, blocked and/or almost inaccessible.

 Regardless of the nature of product/service one is launching, there are quite a few challenges involved. The fact that substitution of these products and/or services is easier than ever before, leaves one wondering whether it is really worth the effort to try and penetrate his/her target market.

 I have learnt one thing. Everything begins within you. If you have the profound desire to succeed at what you do, nothing will stop you. You will face the world, competition or whatever else is challenging, with vigor, determination and bliss. This is what I call toughness because no obstacle seems to be big enough to hinder one from trying. Persistence is key. Working with your mental and emotional abilities to have a positive outlook towards life is a profitable element. Back home in Africa, there is a saying that “famers never quit cultivating their land just because there was a storm the previous day.” They wake up the next morning as if nothing happened, and start all over again.

Therefore, regardless of how hard your situation appears to be, or how challenging things are for you at the moment, remember you are the only one who can get going. Kick yourself harder, and stretch yourself more than you ever did. Then you will discover that when the going gets tough, indeed the tough get going.

The Broken Heart… continued


I stood next to my bed and watched my cell phone lying in pieces across the room where I had thrown it. I was angry at myself. However, I felt a sense of relief on realizing that I was focusing on something else; not him or when he would call; but on my phone, and how much I had to spend on a new one. I went on my knees and crawled towards the dismantled pieces. I carefully and patiently started assembling it. When it was put together, I turned it on, not necessarily to check whether he had tried to reach me, but if it would work. After a few seconds, it flashed the famous T-Mobile theme, and on it was again. I felt so relieved.  As I examined the screen to check out for any cracks, the message alert box popped up. This is when it came to my realization that I was supposed to be waiting for his messages. He had texted a “hope you are having a good day” message. I read it several times hoping that it would reveal more, but it didn’t. “What does he mean?” I questioned. I just couldn’t understand why he texted, what his intentions were, and if he wanted us back together. This is the first time I thought that the simple statement “hope you are having a good day” had so many other meanings.


I started to respond but stopped, not knowing what to write. I looked at the phone for a few minutes wishing that he would text again, but he didn’t. Although the message made me feel better, it made me anxious as well.


After a few minutes of confusion, I managed to doze off, only to wake up to a phone call. In a sleepy mood without looking to see who had called, I answered the phone. “Hello,” I said. “It is me,” he responded. It was him, he had called me. I was shocked. I kept silent for a couple of minutes not knowing what to say. “Did I wake you up?” he said. “Yes,” I answered. “Okay, I will call you back later,” he said as he hang up. Then the torture started all over again. What the hell did he want? What did he want to tell me? It is like the clock had reversed itself back to the first time he had told me his crap of “the part of me that wants to be with her is stronger than the part that wants to be with you.” I fumbled and cried all over again, not knowing what to do next.


Are you hurting because he/she dumped you? Trust me you are not alone. We have all gone through it. Take heart.  More to come…


Has He or She broken your HEART??

The last time I went through a heart break was literally lethal. Everyone who has loved and lost will tell you that this experience is not roses and chocolate. The magnitude of the emotional torture that I experienced when my heart was broken, made me swear never to ever get close to a man, then.  I hated love, God and myself; must I mention men?

 When he finally admitted that he had been seeing someone else for weeks, yet denied it so many times, I felt as if my intestines will slowly but surely eating themselves away. “The part of me that wants to be with her is bigger than the one that draws me to you,” are the words he said to me. They were more confusing than Greek I tell you. They swam through my memory bank over and over again, certainly worse than the worst broken record, sang by the nastiest amateur singer you can ever imagine. Don’t even think about those you have heard on “America has got talent”, those are award winning records compared to what I was hearing.

My skin started itching, and I started feeling pain in places I often ignored; like under my chin. My saliva dried up. I felt as though my tongue was on fire. I was thirsty, but resistant to putting anything near my mouth. I certainly hated everything in my environment that I once so adored. Everything turned ugly and glue.  I felt extreme temperatures of cold and hot flashes simultaneously crawling from my head to toe. My clothes felt uncomfortable and sticky.


This all happened during a night when it was humid and hot. But there are moments I felt as if there was snow falling out of my window. The world’s walls suddenly started closing in. Memories of all the good things about him started exploding into my conscious, uninvited, just like thieves in the night. It was like my mind had switched off from the wrong and negative he had done to me, and focused on the good stuff about him. I suddenly missed him more than anything I have ever desired. I longed for his scent, touch, voice, but of course, none of that was available. I wanted to run to a place where I could escape from all the voices screaming in my head, but didn’t know where to go. I attempted to rock myself to sleep, hoping to wake up only when the pain was gone, but sleep seemed to repel me. I took a sleeping pill, and slept for a few hours; only to wake up abruptly and find immerse emotional pain seriously waiting in my heart. A pain that felt more physical than a tooth ache, if you know what I mean. The stupid pills had refused to work their usual magic.

I started to call him; but then realized that it was useless and stupid. Firstly, I had called him so many times earlier that day and he had ignored all my calls. Secondly, I had left him both text and voice messages telling him how much I loved him, but he had responded to none. I didn’t know what else to do. I got on my knees to pray, but just cried uncontrollably with no word coming out of my mouth. I switched my cell-phone on and off tones of times hoping to find a “I am sorry, I love you so much babe” text and/or voice message, however when I switched it back on, nothing had come through. After several attempts, I threw the phone against the wall. Only to realize that I had just smashed and destroyed the only connection left in my world, to reach him…. More to come…