Are Your Kids Safe? How to Protect Your Kids from Molestation:


Rape

I managed to slip out of his grip and crawled under the bed. I tightly held onto one of the bed’s pole and sobbed silently. I closed my eyes hoping that since I wasn’t seeing him, he wouldn’t see me.

He was 16 years old, and I was only 8. I was visiting my grandmother, who instructed him to keep an eye on me while she went to the night-market. Apparently, he was my father’s young brother, which makes him my uncle.

Before I slipped out of his grip I was laying in bed trying to sleep when he jumped on me and started pulling off my little dress. I wasn’t sure what he wanted but I knew in my young mind that it wasn’t good.

When I was under the bed he did all he could to pull me out, in vain. Fortunately, my grandmother returned home shortly after. He pretended that everything was okay and lied that I was hiding under the bed because I had had a bad dream. The next evening when I learned that my grandmother was going back to the market, I ran and hid in the bushes until she returned.

When I told her about my uncle’s strange behavior, to my shock she smacked me hard and claimed that I was lying. The next day I was taken back home to my mother, who was told that I had developed a mental problem. I didn’t tell my mother about what had happened for the fear of being smacked again.

Have you, or anyone you know ever been molested in any way? The questions are; how did you feel? Did you tell your parents/caregivers? If you did, how did they deal with it? Did they ever take you for counseling? How do you feel about it now that you are older?

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I don’t know what your story is, but one thing I know is that attempted rape, actual rape or any other kind of molestation, are tormenting. I was convinced that I had done something wrong, which had inspired my uncle to want to rape me. I concluded that there was something wrong with me. I lost trust in all the adults I knew. I felt betrayed and unloved. It took me many years before I forgave him. I also had to forgive myself for thinking that it was my fault that he attempted to rape me.

How do You Protect Your Kids from Molestation?

Firstly, it is important to know that molesters can be other kids, relatives, friends and even caregivers. Furthermore, know that molestation can be done to either girl or boy kids. With that in mind, you can’t rule anyone out. And I’m not suggesting that you became paranoid about everyone you leave your kids with. The idea is to protect your kid(s) in a calculated way.

Here are a few pointers.

  1. Build trust with your kids in such a way that they feel free to tell you anything however uncomfortable it may be. You can build trust by encouraging them to tell you about their day. Spend at least 30 minutes with them, daily. Ask them about their day; what they liked and what could have been better. Listen without interruption until they are done. Ask questions to inspire them to tell you more. If you are so busy to create time, tough luck. Remember that these are your kids and if you are so busy to spend time with them it is time to re-evaluate your priorities.
  2. Don’t bring other kids or relatives whose behavior you are unfamiliar with around your kids. If you do in-case of emergencies, make sure that there’s an adult to watch over them.
  3. Administer thorough background checks for the nanny you want to hire. Don’t let appearances deceive you. Furthermore, be certain that anymore who is to take care of your kids is emotionally stable. Avoid recruiting nannies with intense negative past experiences unless of course they went for therapy. And I’m not saying that it’s right to deny someone a job just because they have a negative past. Certainly, everyone deserves a second chance. The point is, make sure that they are no longer traumatized by their experiences. Note that it might be hard to know if someone is still emotionally suffering but if you pay close attention to their behavior you will be able to establish if they are traumatized or not by the way they communicate, respond, dress and/or generally carry themselves.
  4. If you are hiring a nanny to take care of your kids, ask for referrals and be sure to call and speak to each one of them. Ask questions about the nanny’s past and work ethic. Make sure that the details on their resumes match what the referrals say.
  5. Watch your kids for non-usual behavior and talk to them about it.
  6. Buy secret cameras if you can, and install them in different places in your house. Make sure that you watch the recordings for each day that you leave your kid(s) alone with the nanny.

These are a few tips that will protect your kids from being molested, or at the very least alert you of any strange behavior. However, it is also important to know that a molester might be so good at hiding their behavior and regardless of how protective and organized you are, they will still abuse your kids. The idea is to stay present and connected to your kids. Pay attention to any abnormal behavior that your kids express.

Most importantly, surround yourself with positive-minded people whose behavior is consistently positive—at least for the most part. If anything feels strange with your nanny or other people you leave your kids with, respect your feelings and investigate. Also, take care of your own thoughts. Imagine that your kids are always safe regardless of the strategies that you are instilling, and the best will most probably happen. Remember the important, yet often ignored small detail…we experience what we think about all the time.

good luck

Sending you much love and divine anointing.

http://www.tapthegood.com

6 Steps to Manifest Your Desires – Law of Attraction Simplified.


ManifestationA few years ago, I was extremely thrilled when I learned about the law of attraction. I asked myself, “Is it this simple to attract what I want?” I had just watched a movie called “The Secret” and I couldn’t wait to take every action as it was presented such that I could manifest all that I ever wanted. Boy was I wrong!! My life experiences have revealed to me that by just thinking about what you want and/or visualizing it alone won’t bring it knocking at your door. I have learned over the years that there is more to manifestation than what is preached.

Visualization

Apparently, many personal development experts and performance coaches insist that hard work and dedication are all it takes to manifest what you want. However, I attest that one needs more than just working hard. Considering that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we have to connect to who we truly are and from that point, become one with what we want from within before we can manifest and experience our desires in our physical reality.

In this video, I share 6 steps of how to do just that.

Please share your views, go through the process and let me know how it went.

Sending you Infinite Love and divine anointing.   

http://www.tapthegood.com

Turning Fear Into Confidence – With an NLP Session


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Fear is normally projected to inspire us to choose whether to flee to fight. Depending on what has triggered the fear, it’s up to us to choose which feelings to generate after the fear is triggered.

In this NLP session, I deal with a belief of not being good enough, as the source of the triggered fear. Then, I employ a simplified version of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) to dissipate the fear and turn it into confidence.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/oZ4vcUXR6a8

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Please go through the session everyday for as long as it takes you to feel more confident.

If you have questions, please leave them in the comments section below.

Happy holidays

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

It’s Okay to Do YOU: Things we do because Others do Them.


road less traveled

Many experiences are responsible for our conditioning, and some of these include but are not limited to the following: religion, childhood memories, parental guidance or non-guidance, school programming and societal programming. Up until 7 years we are like soft sponges that take in and believe everything we expose our senses to, as the truth.

At that point, our analytical skills are still immature to choose what’s good or bad. And even when we get hurt physically or emotionally we don’t really relate those experiences to other mental conditions, because we don’t have a lot of data/information in form of experiences to associate our pain with. That’s the very reason why most kids are able to bounce quickly from crying or sadness, to laughing or playing.

Authentic you

If we are lucky, some programming, conditions us to be flexible, make our own choices and find our unique paths. If we are unlucky we get conditioned to do as others do because then we are certain of being accepted and experiencing a sense of belonging-ness. As adults, we become exclusively stuck to the conditioning whether it serves us or not. We become rigid to our own growth. And whether we are hurting or not we choose to maintain that conditioning because it feels familiar.

Furthermore, we are social animals who tend to gravitate towards common behavior…the known. We generally follow the same social, technological, medical, and fashion trends—to mention but a few. We imitate and/or benchmark others so that we are doing the same things. We believe that it is the cool way to be. We are afraid of the isolation that we anticipate to feel if we do things our way. However, just like a pack of animals, we don’t dare to explore our own uniqueness. We play it safe because it feels safe to be like everyone else. We avoid the road less traveled because we are generally so lazy to explore and discover things on our own.

“We avoid the road less traveled because we are generally so lazy to explore and discover things on our own.”

Although without benefits, following the crowd has cons. Firstly, just like animal-packs, the behavior of crowds is predictable and consequently, manipulate-able.  And this is why we as a society buy what we don’t need, spend money we don’t have to impress people we might not even like, do what we don’t believe in, and believe that it is okay to play it safe. And why is that? It’s because the mind programmers know our common behavior and have designed environmental triggers to subliminally influence our actions for their benefit.

Some of the things that we do because other people do them include but are not limited to the following:

  1. Buying gifts/flowers/cards for our loved ones on Valentines’ Day.

Although there are quite a few stories about this day, it’s generally intended to promote love for those who are less fortunate or those or in situations in which love is ridiculed.

My concern is, why wait for Valentines Day to prove your love? What’s up with all the tension accumulated by the masses doing last minute shopping, RSVP-ing over-booked restaurants and making this day such a huge deal? Why join the chaos? What’s up with spending money that you might not even have to buy gifts and flowers just to prove a point?  Wouldn’t you agree that it’s because everyone or most people you know are doing these things?

The question is, are you doing these things to fit into society or mainly because you want to show your spouse that you truly care for them?

As a side note, did you know that approximately 150 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine’s Day the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas?

What does this mean? In my humble opinion Valentines Day has been turned into a day for businesses to make as much money as they can, selling stuff that your spouse might even never use. With that in mind, how would you celebrate your loved one differently? What’s does your authentic-self inspire you to do to let your spouse know that you care about them? Do you believe that it wouldn’t impress your spouse if you did something unique for them on days other than Valentines?

  1. Exchanging gifts/cards on Christmas day

Okay, this is an interesting one. Christmas, is intended to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Considering that Jesus Christ was, and is still considered as the Savior, in my opinion it would be more meaningful to spend the day celebrating his birthday, that’s even if he was really born on December, 25th. But that’s another story.

What would be the best way to celebrate one’s birth? Wouldn’t you agree that it would be more meaningful to either give them gifts if they were still alive, or spend time dwelling on their good acts if there are deceased? Why would we exchange gifts to celebrate someone’s birth? Do you believe that buying all these gifts for each other and eating our hearts out on Christmas day, impresses Jesus?

Furthermore, we send Christmas cards every year to our loved ones; and that’s a good thing. However, what has exchanging cards got to do with the birth or Christ? Wouldn’t you agree that we’ve been conditioned to adopt the idea of sending Christmas cards to benefit Christmas card businesses?

Be honest. Do you keep all the Christmas cards you receive every year? Do you decorate with them? If you do, then you must have a lot of space to store these cards.

How about celebrating the birth of Christ doing one of the things that he taught us? How about visiting hospitals to celebrate the birth of strangers and finding a way to give back? How about reaching out to help someone less fortunate than you are?   Just because other people send out Christmas cards every year doesn’t obligate you to do the same. I guess also the sense of guilt manipulates us to behave like others.

There are many more things that we do because others have done, or are doing them. Note that this does not only retard our mental growth, but also keeps us refined to the status-quo.

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Find your own myth.”~Rumi

Preceding, are just a few things that we do to unconsciously imitate others. However, we have to remember that it’s okay to follow our own paths. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to question everything in order to think for yourself. Life should be explored maximally. And for this to happen we have to be open to what’s more about us and the world in general. We shouldn’t be afraid of exploring different paths: because it is okay even if we try and do not get the results that we hope to get, or do not experience what we envision. Most importantly, it is not required that you fit in. Remember that those who change the world always do what’s different than what everyone else is doing. Take the chance on yourself, and stand up for what you believe in less of the environment, and people’s conditioning.

Authentic 2

“Those who change the world always do what’s different than what everyone else is doing.”

Happy Holidays.

Happy holidays

 

 

Feel-Good Affirmations to Recharge


Denial

Sometimes the world has a way of bringing us down especially when we unconsciously allow it. Experiences tend to reduce our self-concept and encroach on our happiness. However, just because we are human, we have what it takes to retrain our minds to choose good feelings. It’s in our divine nature. We can choose to feel good regardless of whatever is happening in our external world. Although at times this is not easy, it is doable.

Note that repetition has been known to reprogram the unconscious mind with new prompters.  Therefore, if you are feeling down, or need some quick inspiring affirmations, this video will do just that…inspire and uplift you.

Listen to this video repetitively to reprogram your unconscious with a behavior of choosing to experience more positive feelings in spite of external occurrences.

In the interim, be well.

Love and divine anointing

sending-you-much-love-healing-light-may-you-be-7181155http://www.tapthegood.com/spiritualcounseling/

 

The Art of Articulate Listening:


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One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.