There’s no Such Thing as “Failure”


depositphotos_13984100-stock-illustration-cartoon-eager-student“Give an example of a company experiencing financial trouble because of its promotional strategy?” Asked the professor. I gave an example of a company I had worked for in Uganda. “Please do not give ridiculous answers from countries that do not qualify for advanced European MBA programs.” He responded. I knew that I was in trouble because the only business-related work experience I had was in Uganda. 

I was pursuing an MBA from the Greenwich School of Management, a branch of Hull University, Hull, UK. Most of my classmates were from Europe or at the least had experience working for European-based businesses. During the first semester I did poorly in the class assignments and presentations. I hardly made the required points to proceed to the next semester. The professors told me that if I didn’t learn about the European market, I would fail the degree. I had given myself a year to complete the program—acceptable by the college, because I didn’t have the extra money to pay for another year. 

I sought for advice from one of my professors. “I think I’m already a failure.” I said miserably. “You can never fail. You will only fail to know that you didn’t fail. Even when we think we’ve failed, we still acted but just didn’t achieve our goals as anticipated. And that’s not a failure. Failure is an illusion.” He responded. I looked at him almost cross-eyed. I had no clue about what he meant. Desperate, I got a part-time job in a library and buried myself in reading everything I could get my hands on about the European economy. Long story short, I completed the degree in a year, passed with distinction and my thesis, earned me a “student of the year award.”

Failure

Moral of the Story:

I thought I had failed, only to realize that the results of my first semester were propelling me to work harder. And I concur with my professor’s wisdom. We never fail. Failure is just a word we come up with to summarize a process that has nothing to do with the real meaning of the word. The dictionary defines the word failure as a lack of success or non-fulfillment. When you consider what success means you realize that what we consider as failure is far from the truth. Success is being able to move from point A to B, internally or externally. Success can also imply committing to a promise made for oneself or for others. Success can mean progressing or moving through a process even if we don’t get to the end. Therefore, “failure” has no place in defining our actions plus the results. 

It’s vital to understand that words as just that….words. Therefore, we shouldn’t be quick to define our emotions by recruiting words that do not necessarily reflect on our true emotions. Words can be limiting, misleading and/or mis-representative of the truth. Sometimes if not most, we can not define feelings because they are in-definitive in their nature. They have no shape, color, size or density — if we do not create visuals to represent them. So, the words we use to define feelings are just attempts to express ourselves. Just because you feel a certain way for not achieving a particular goal doesn’t mean that you are a failure. A conclusive definition of a feeling as a failure, is just a believed thought and nothing more.

A conclusive definition of a feeling as a failure, is just a believed thought and nothing more.  

Therefore, let’s be slow in defining our experiences or outcomes. Let’s hold back from assigning meanings to our feelings. Let’s become observers of our feelings and see how long they can hold the emotional space in which they dwell. Mostly, let’s remember that we are not our thoughts, feelings or experiences. We are more; we are different; we are undefinable. Moreover, we have an immeasurable power within us, as us, that can help our human conditioning release the delusional tendencies and mental, plus emotional struggles we create: struggles that are lies and not based on truths.

Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

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Advanced Ho’oponopono With Water to Resolve a VERY Stubborn Challenge


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Instructions to the session

  1. Get a clean bowl or small basin
  2. Fill it half or quarter way with water
  3. Write the issues you want to resolve on a clean piece of paper and below the issue(s) write the four Ho’oponopono statements ( ~I am Sorry ~Please forgive me ~Thank you ~I love you)
  4. Place the paper in the water
  5. Sit up straight
  6. Place the palm of your hands above the bowl and listen to the prayer.
  7. Go through this session everyday until you feel relieved.
  8. Email me at tapthegood@gmail.com if you have questions.

After completing the sessions pour the water in the toilet and flush, affirming, “I flash you out of my human Identity. You are no more.”

Love

http://www.tapthegood.com

Afraid of Public Speaking? Ask the Fear….


3a355333-24bb-41a2-b460-2209f0a067bbAs I walked down the church’s isle towards the front, I could hardly breathe. Everything within me was telling me to run, scream or call my mama for refuge. My heart beat so hard and so fast and I concluded that everyone in the church was hearing it. As I pulled my legs to establish the next step I was barely taking, I felt as if something had tied my leg and hip muscles with iron chains to prevent me from moving forward. I wanted to crawl but somehow somewhere I kept walking…call it stumbling. My eyes got teary. I could hardly see. I don’t even remember how I got to the podium. The pastor handed me the microphone which I looked at as if it were a huge machete designed to cut me into pieces. I attempted to say, “Halleluya,” only to have a big drop of saliva escape out of my mouth. 

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It was the first time I spoke in public intending to promote my first book. I failed miserably. I’m not even sure how people lined up to buy the book after my mumbled speech. This must have been the making of a dead relative who loved me, an angel or God. Who knows? I don’t. 

The Moral:

I was afraid of public speaking. This experience propelled me to join the Toastmasters International organization, and their programs helped improve my communication, and public speaking skills. 

Now as a counselor, I’ve also learned that we can question our fears. 

How it Works:

Let’s imagine that you are about to give a speech. And a bunch of butterflies visit your tummy. Your nerves recognize the “visitors” and decide to fire up. You start to tremble and your breaths get shorter. What do you do? 

Here are a few tips that will help:

1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

2. Ask, “How is this fear benefiting me?” Stay still and listen for a few minutes. You will discover that this fear is only there to teach you a few lessons such as:

a. You are more than this fear because it is smaller than you and you shouldn’t be afraid of it.

b. The fear is inspiring you to improve something about your communication skills, improve your self-image/confidence, be more prepared, or improve the content you are about to share. 

Beyond that, this fear does nothing beneficial for you. If you get your mind to focus on these lessons, the fear will disperse. The problem is creating more meanings or conclusions about the fear. For instance, you could decide that the fear means you are not good enough; people will laugh at you; people will judge you. Your content sucks, etc. Once the mind comes up with such perceptions to expand on the fear, just know that they are lies: illusions created without evidence. Unless you can come up with evidence that all these things are true, then it is time to ignore your mind. Note that just because the mind says you are in danger doesn’t make it so. Remember that the mind can be full of crap and if you let it take over, it will manipulate your actions, fail you and get you to blame yourself thereafter. 

“Just because the mind says you are in danger doesn’t make it so. Remember that the mind can be full of crap and if you let it take over, it will manipulate your actions, fail you and get you to blame yourself thereafter.” 

I’m sure you want to know the book I was promoting. Here you have it. 🙂

Connecting to Higher-self to Resolve Stubborn Negative Beliefs 


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When I was a teenager, I believed that I was too skinny—which was why I didn’t have boyfriends. In my 20s when I gained weight, I came up with another belief that I attracted douche-bags because I was fat. Evidently, my beliefs kept changing according to my environment. Now I know that beliefs change and as they change, so do our experiences. Whatever we believe whether we base these beliefs on facts or visions, create our realities. 
Although it also worth noting that some beliefs are so deep-rooted in our unconscious minds, and it takes more than wishful-thinking to resolve them. 
Cycle of Depression, Robert Dindinger, Ph.D
However, regardless of how dark our conditioning is, there is still a part of us that no experience can ever effect. This part of us, that’s in us, doesn’t change, has no attachments, is not affected by emotions, has no birth nor death; has no color or religion: and it is not male or female. This part of us is also known as our higher-self. And once we connect to “it” we get to resolve the attachments and conditions that our human-identities have created. 
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In this guided meditation, I use the “Mind Movie Screen” technique to connect to Higher-self and then resolve negative beliefs, the related negative emotions, and the attachments. 
Practice this meditation whenever you feel attached to, and/or affected by any experience or condition. 
Love and light

Powerful Prayer to Cleanse and Purify Bloodlines


all-in-one-12-universal-laws-dominique-hurleySometimes whatever you are dealing with might not even be yours. Your bloodlines could be affected by stuff intended to distort your progress in life.

In this guided meditation, discover a bit of who you are, connect to the divine power within you, amplify the God-force within and let your words cleanse and purify your bloodline.

Love and light

 

http://www.tapthegood.com

How to Communicate Without Creating Conflict:


ConflictTo communicate to others about our concerns without creating conflict requires skill. To begin, sometimes the pressing concerns might be perceptions of how someone or others might have offended us. We might base the concerns on one’s reckless behavior; one who probably didn’t pay attention to what they were saying. However, we have to remember that at some point we also offended others unintentionally. 

Note that we base our communication style on who we are, our thought patterns, and emotional states. A happy person will communicate in happy terms. An angry or sad person will communicate in a way that reflects those states. So, sometimes someone might communicate rudely because they are dealing with inner discomforts. When we point out what they did and how wrong they were, we create scenarios that can inspire them to fight back. They perceive us as enemies because we’ve triggered their “fight” sense. We have focused on what we believe is wrong about them: which creates more of the same behavior—considering that energy flows where the focus is. We are also focusing on them, and not on ourselves. We are resisting their behavior, which creates more of it. It is like opening a tin of worms. 

The question then is, how can we communicate our concerns without creating conflict? 

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Let’s imagine that your boss screamed at you for something you didn’t do. To address your concerns, you say: “You screamed at me for something I didn’t do, and that makes you a very rude person.” When we evaluate the meaning of this statement, it’s clear you are apportioning blame, you have made conclusions about their character, and you have told them what you don’t want. Let’s imagine that you are the boss, how would those statements make you feel? How would you react or respond to your employee? Although you might concur that you were wrong, the way he/she communicated could trigger feelings of anger or defensiveness within you. Note that a relationship based on blame crumbles more often than not. 

How Can we Improve?

Instead of, “You screamed at me for something I didn’t do, and that makes you a very rude person.” Consider, “When you screamed at me, I felt uneasy. I request that you tell me what you want or mean.” With the preceding statement, you haven’t made conclusions about their character, you haven’t blamed them, and you are making a request—which makes them feel important. You are also telling them what you want—which directs their attention from themselves to you. 

When we communicate in terms of what we want, we help others understand what we want. We also avoid arguments. The idea is to be persistent in communicating in those terms. Because some people won’t get it immediately. They might be so accustomed to communicating in terms of what they don’t want and will not relate to your communication style. However, the more you stick to your positive communication trends, the sooner they will learn or at least mirror you. 

In my book, Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion and Become the Authority of Your Craft, I share simple, proven tools of how to influence others to do what you want without taking away from what they want. 

http://www.tapthegood.com

What are Challenges?


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When you are experiencing challenges ask yourself:

  1. Who is the experiencer of these challenges?
  2. Why is this experiencer experiencing these events as challenges?
  3. How did the experiencer come to a conclusion that these events are challenges?
  4. Is this experiencer perceiving these events from a place of fear or faith?
  5. And most importantly, ask, does the experiencer really have to experience these events at all?
  6. What can happen if this experiencer retracts their attention from what they perceive as challenges and instead focus on something more pleasant?

As you dwell on the answers of these questions you start discovering that what you perceive as challenges are simply events that need your attention to resolve or ignore—especially if you can’t do anything about them. From these mental and emotional states, you free yourself from the discomforting consequences of your perception.

http://www.tapthegood.com