Sometimes the world has a way of bringing us down especially when we unconsciously allow it. Experiences tend to reduce our self-concept and encroach on our happiness. However, just because we are human, we have what it takes to retrain our minds to choose good feelings. It’s in our divine nature. We can choose to feel good regardless of whatever is happening in our external world. Although at times this is not easy, it is doable.
Note that repetition has been known to reprogram the unconscious mind with new prompters. Therefore, if you are feeling down, or need some quick inspiring affirmations, this video will do just that…inspire and uplift you.
Listen to this video repetitively to reprogram your unconscious with a behavior of choosing to experience more positive feelings in spite of external occurrences.
In the interim, be well.
Love and divine anointing
One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.
As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?” “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.
The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.
Why We Don’t Listen
In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen. Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.
~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.
When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.
~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:
When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.
~ When we are Selfish
Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.
If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.
When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.
~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.
When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.
How to Listen Articulately
~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.
“Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas
~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.
Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous
~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.
~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂
~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.
Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley
~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.
~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.
When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama
~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost
~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.
Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon
Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:
Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.
In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.
The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.
Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.
“Are They Your True Friends?” This is a statement that my grandmother asked me every time I complained about my friends.
Growing up, friendship meant consistent and good communication. It was okay to pick up a phone and call a friend just for the shake of it. It was normal to call a friend and follow up on how they were doing. It was proper for friends to show up at your home, or vice-versa if they had to.
Friendship was treated as a gift, and for the most part, friends were loyal to each other. Certainly, there were betrayals, gossip and falling out, but when someone was a true friend you rested assured that you could rely on each other.
What are Conditional Arrangements?
Of late friendships are more of conditional arrangements. The people you refer to as friends will only communicate if they want something from you. A few years ago I had a “friend” who was pursing a doctorate, and she was very consistent in communicating when she needed my help. She responded to all my text messages almost instantly and was always available. When she completed her doctorate, our friendship went on a down spiral. She started communicating less. At one point, I invited her for my annual seminar, and sent her three emails as reminders. But she neither responded nor showed up. Yet, I had supported her whenever she needed me. With time, every time I texted her she wouldn’t respond for days, and sometimes, weeks. And her texts became shorter and even rude. So, I realized that it was time for me to step aside and let her be.
People in conditional arrangements seem to be so busy for friendships. A few characteristics of conditional arrangements include but are not limited to the following:
- When you text or call someone and they don’t call you back in at least a week, and with a viable reason why they didn’t respond immediately, you are just a colleague. I know that sometimes life gets in the way, and we all get extremely busy. However, if you truly value a friendship you will find a way to get back to them sooner than later.
- If they hurt you and don’t apologize, it is a conditional arrangement. They don’t really care if you leave or stay. They literally take you for granted.
- If they don’t keep their word it is a conditional arrangement. If someone hurts you, and maybe apologizes but hurts you again in the same way, it is a conditional arrangement. True friendship is based on integrity.
- If they gossip about you it is a conditional arrangement. Gossip is normally based on fear, envy, competition or jealousy. Those attributes do not consistent true friendship.
- If you feel as if you are forcing the friendship, when you are the initiator of all your interactions, it is not true friendship.
- If you are always supporting them and they don’t support you, it is a conditional arrangement.
Note that although unconditional friendships do not expect anything in return, everyone in the relationship gives 100%.
- If they walk away in the midst of your challenges, they aren’t true friends. A true friend will always be there for you regardless of how challenged you may be.
- A true friend will never judge you. They will accept you as you are and will never attempt to change you. They won’t try to force you to do or be something you don’t believe in. They will respect your opinions and although they may not always agree with you, they won’t disregard you just because you are not on the same page.
In general, of late, people seem to be so engrossed in their own lives that they don’t have time to invest in friendships. And I believe it is also because we are all afraid and suspicious of each other. We aren’t sure about other people’s intentions. This might be based on the fact that we’ve been betrayed severally by those we have deemed as friends. Consequently, we build huge impenetrable walls around us to prevent others from connecting with us. However, although we remain safe in our protective cocoons we miss out on how true friendships can benefit us.
The rules of true friendship also applies for relatives. Just because someone is your relative doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand how to be friends with you. If someone is not friends with themselves, they will never know how to be friends with anyone else. True friendship begins from within.
Just because someone is your relative doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand how to be friends with you
The Characteristics of True Friendship:
To summarize this content, I base my concepts on Tony Robbins’ 6 core human needs of relationships.
A true friend will always make sure that you are certain of their friendship. For instance, they will be impeccable with their word. They will never lie, and if they do, it would mainly be to protect the relationship–plus they won’t lie often. Also, when you reach out to them, for the most part they will respond within a short period of time unless they are purposefully unavailable. And if they don’t respond immediately they normally get back to you as soon as they can.
A true friend will be open to the variety of things or ways that can enhance a healthy relationship with you. They will also offer you a variety of options to deal with challenges when and if they occur. A true friend will offer spontaneity, excitement, surprises, and even a bit of chaos—just to keep the relationship stimulating. Note that although this core need mainly applies for lovers, a true friend will use it in ways that will keep your friendship fresh.
A true friend will do things to make you feel loved, respected, celebrated, special and important. This takes someone who is also a true friend to themselves, because they will easily understand the importance of feeling significant and special. A friend will understand that when they hurt you, the way you feel matters more than what you did. They won’t try to justify their actions and ignore your feelings. They will acknowledge your feelings, apologize and then justify their actions. They will seek to be kind instead of right.
A true friend will do things to make you feel loved, respected, celebrated, special and important.
- Love and Connection:
This core need, is self-explanatory. It calls for respect, trust, integrity, consistence and good communication.
A true friend will always encourage you to grow. They will support your growth plans.
True friendship calls for progress. Note that if you are not progressing you are literally dying. A true friend will always push or support you to progress. They will be there when you feel stuck and will do whatever they can to help you get back up. And sometimes all it takes is a good listening ear without judgement.
Although the above suggestions might appear as if one is demanding so much from their friends, it takes one to know one. If one is a true friend to themselves they will understand what it takes to have and keep one.
Have you ever shared your dream with someone only to be discouraged?
Have you ever been so certain about the direction that you want to take only to be told by someone you trust that you are going to fail?
If you answered yes, to any of the above questions then you understand how it feels when someone tries to blow out your light….damn your enthusiasm.
Apparently, it’s human nature for one to damn someone else’s light if theirs isn’t shinning. Remember that misery loves company, and if you are in company with people who have given up on their dreams, don’t expect them to inspire you.
Note that people who feel insecure about their own qualities will attempt to make others feel that way. They will devise mental plots to get you to start doubting yourself.
Furthermore, if one is stuck in a dark place for a while, understand that they have become accustomed to the darkness. They don’t want to experience anything different. Their brains have settled, and it normally takes some mental and emotional work for them to snap out of their illusion and start shinning their own light. Therefore, if you share your dream with someone in that mental state, be sure to receive discouragement.
“If one is stuck in a dark place for a while, understand that they have become accustomed to the darkness”
The next question is, what do you do if someone discourages you?
The answer lies in the very reason why you want to pursue your goal. Your why, should matter more than what anyone else says about you or your goals. Besides, what others think or say about you is their business: that’s their model of the world. Whatever one is projecting in their mind has nothing to do with you. Your business is what’s brewing in your own mind. Therefore, you can’t let naysayers retard your decision to move forward with your dream. Remember, no one but you has the power to put out your light. You are the master of your enthusiasm and your inner thrill, and it’s really up to you to keep shinning no matter what.
“No one but you has the power to put out your light.”
In this video, I share a few tips that you can use to keep your light shinning. The tips are simple and I’m certain that you already know about them. However, sometimes it helps when we are reminded that the answers and solutions we seek for are always within us.
Love and light
Check out the inspirational books below that will help you to ignite your passion to live at the utmost potential, which already dwells within you.
Are you struggling with releasing and letting go of negative emotions?
At times negative emotions seem so heavy and we let them over-power our will to stay positive-minded.
The good news is that we were gifted the angelic realm that’s infused with many angels who can help us release and let go of those emotions.
In this guided meditation, I invoke Arch-angel Raphael, the angel known for healing, and the Divine Source Light to help release one from all negative emotions from the mind, body and spirit in order to live a more peaceful life.
Link to meditation – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMb9-Urymqw
Sending you love.
What would you refer to as an illusion?
In my opinion an illusion is a false impression, a lie, a misinterpretation of something that’s perceived as something else. When I think about my mind and brain, illusions seem to happen more often than not especially when I’m everywhere else but in the present moment. Sometimes I come up with inner-stories to support situations, only to find out later that my thoughts were delusional—lies that only entertained my mind with negativity. With time, this has helped me understand that thoughts can manipulate our brains to develop mental routines that at times do not serve our well-being.
“Thoughts can manipulate our brains to develop mental routines that at times do not serve our well-being.”
The point is, the brain uses about 20% of the body’s total energy—and that’s a lot of energy. For that very reason the brain attempts, if we let it, to keep us protected and safe as it saves its energy. This can also imply that the brain resists change. So, if we get into a routine, the brain holds onto that routine whether it serves us or not. That’s why we resist change. That’s why routine is easier than exploration or adventure, especially if that’s what one has fed their brain with for a while.
“The good news is that since we are not our brains, we can control, retrain, redirect and refocus it to snap out of the routines that no longer serve us.”
In this article, I share my experience on how the brain gets into a negative inward spiral—the illusion, and then share 7 steps on how we can un-hack the brain from this illusion.
Let’s imagine that something unfavorable happens in your experience. You start thinking about the event, and then develop feelings about it. Normally these are feeling of anger, disappointment, sadness, rage, bitterness or the like.
As you dwell more on the event, the brain begins taking note of the related frequencies that correspond to your emotions. Then, the brain starts recruiting similar events from your memory or environment. This is when you start thinking about things that went wrong in the past and how horrible they made you feel; plus the possibility of these events re-occurring in the future. Before you know it, the brain starts identifying triggers in your environment. And this is when you embark on noticing people or situations that accumulate negative feelings in you. One thing leads to another, and you find your mind trapped in a negative thinking spiral. If you don’t snap out of it, the brain turns this mental behavior into a routine. Then, you become a prominent negative thinker. What do you do?
The 7 Steps to Un-hack the Brain From Illusion:
- Check in With Your Feelings.
If you feel stressed, bitter or any other negative emotions, know that the brain is up to something negative. Remember, our feelings are the thermometers of our thoughts. If you are experiencing negative emotions chances are that you are thinking about negative situations.
- Become a Witness of These Thoughts.
Once you realize that you are going into a negative thinking spiral, use your mind to become a witness of these thoughts. In your mind’s eye watch the thoughts as they come and go. Don’t attach to them.
- Tell Your Brain to Stop Focusing on The Negative
Remember that you are more than your brain. You own the brain, it doesn’t own you: so you can command it to do as you please.
- Breathe in deeply, as you imagine that your in-breath is bringing in divine light at a 360 degrees angle. Imagine being infused with divine healing light. Let this light penetrate every inch of your being, and then outflow to fill your aura and space where you are seated. Keep breathing deeply for about 10 minutes. This technique will help you get your mind out of the negative spiral.
- Block The Trigger Portals.
For instance, if watching negative news on television triggers negative emotions in you, don’t watch television for awhile until you are in control of your emotions. In any case, you shouldn’t be watching negative news. It’s bad for the mind. 🙂
- Look at Your “Desire list.”
This is a list you make for everything you want. You keep adding items or experiences that you want or desire as they pop up in your mind. Then start searching for their cost and including it on the list. This will help you get busy dwelling on what you want, whether you have the money or not. If you don’t have a “Desire list” it is time for you to create one.
- Stand Under a Shower.
Stand under the shower and let the water run down on you. Stay in the shower for at least 5 minutes as you breathe deeply. Repeat mentally, “Release, release, release” and imagine all the negativity and unwanted energy leaving your body, mind and spirit. Also, imagine that your brain is being washed, cleansed, renewed and purified.
Remember that we are more than our bodies plus all its organs. We have the power to regulate our minds and brains, and tell them what they should dwell on. We are in control of our emotions. We are divine instructions created in the very image of God—meaning that we can create better experiences for our lives if we choose to.
Check out this meditation to start your day on a positive mood – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWBksZzV9UM