6 Reasons Why We Stay in Abusive Relationships


To begin, what are abusive relationships?

Certainly, the answer is relative and depends on the way we individually develop our personal standards. Culture also has a lot to do with what is regarded as abusive and what is not. 

In this article, I share a generalized view of the different and common forms of abuse, and the reasons we stay in abusive relationships.

What are the different forms of abuse?

The list below includes some common forms of abuse although it is not exhaustive of what abuse can be.

  1. Saying Lies About You

When someone says a lie about you, they have abused your persona. They are probably jealous of you or just want to make themselves feel good by putting you down. Another reason why people lie about others is that they want all the attention to be directed at them. For the most part, they are insecure and don’t really feel good about themselves. They believe that by lying about you, others will turn their attention away from their weaknesses and focus on yours.

lying about you

  1. Lying to You

When someone repeatedly lies to you, they firstly do not respect themselves, and the same goes for you or anyone else. Remember, we generally treat others the way we treat ourselves. Most importantly, someone lying to you is a form of abuse. They abuse your intellect by lying.

lying to you

  1. Verbal Insults

This is self-explanatory. When someone insults you by either calling you rude names, making negative comments about your self-image, your intellect, or criticizing the way you do things, they are abusing you. I appreciate that at times someone might say negative things to you because they are going through their own drama and aren’t nice to anyone especially to themselves. But if one insults you more than once they have abusive tendencies. 

verbal abuse

  1. Judgment and criticism

We believe it is normal to judge and/or criticize others. But this is not only wrong but also implies that we are investing our focus on something that doesn’t, and will never promote us. We normally judge others based on what we’ve either been told about them, subconscious bias–if they are different from us, or if they intimidate us. We find a way to judge them–which means making conclusions about them without enough evidence. People are also so accustomed to criticizing others and constantly identifying what they believe is wrong with them. This turns into abuse if one is doing it often and doesn’t change even when you bring it to their attention.

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  1. Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone hits, pushes or engages in any forceful physical activity that causes you discomfort or bodily pain. Note that one time is more than enough times for you to walk away—and trust me on this one.

abuse 2

Why do we Stay in Abusive Relationships?

In this video, I share 6 reasons that I believe you will relate to. I also share a simple yet powerful tip that will help you get out of any abusive relationship.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/DbV-AcxtN5k

What next?

  1. Firstly, thanks for visiting my blog. Please follow me so that you get periodical blogs on personal development and inspiration.
  2. When you click on the referenced video, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, share and like the video. If you have comments, even better. Please include them in the comments section below.

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If you are in need of a transformational coach and counselor, please contact me at tapthegood@gmail.com

Looking for a powerful life-changing self-help book to read? I got you. Click on this link to order your copy.

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA, is a published author, transformational coach, counselor and professional speaker. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthgood.com.

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10 Things To Do When You Feel Frustrated With Life


Frustrate

Although there are many reasons that incite our frustrations, the main reasons are founded on two major factors: money and relationships.

We get frustrated because we either don’t have money, we are losing money or money is not coming in as expected. We also get frustrated because of the people we deal with: especially because we are all different and view the world from a diverse perspective.

One thing I have learned is that the factors that promote our negative emotions, plus the negative emotions are not as crucial in influencing our emotional well-being as our perception about them. As such, my intention is to share 10 tips that you can use to get out of a frustrated mood regardless of the foundation of your frustrations. Remember,  it is not what happens to us that impacts our lives; it’s how we perceive whatever happens.     

  1. Move

By moving, I mean, changing your physicality. Do yoga, dance, go for a walk, exercise: the idea is to get your body moving. Once your body is moving, your brain will change its focus from the frustration to whatever you are doing.

move

“The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability; most often it’s the state that your mind and body is in.” – Tony Robbins

Note that emotion is created by motion. In other words, emotions are linked to movement in our bodies. Observe your posture when you are happy, as opposed to when you are sad — or what you look like when you are angry, versus when you are elated.

  1. Listen To Inspirational Or Upbeat Music.

I understand that sometimes when you are feeling frustrated or sad you don’t have the guts to listen to anything. But if you are so sick and tired of feeling negative you will do whatever it takes to feel better. Some of the songs I listen to when I’m sad include, but are not limited to the following:

  • The Storm is Over – R Kelley

  • A New Day Has Come – Celine Dion

  • Roar – Katy Perry

  • Departed (Right Here) – Brandy

  • I look to You – Whitney Houston

  • I’m Your Angel – Celine Dion and R Kelly

  • When You Believe – Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

  • Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson

  • One Step at a Time – Jordan Sparks

Note that it is important to spend time making your own list.

Music

         3. Clean

Cleaning your space has a magical way of making you feel better. As you clean, your mind goes into the cleaning mood.  As such, you implicitly clean the frustration from your mind.

Clean

  1. Imagine receiving $1 Million in your bank account; make a list of how you would spend it.

Imagine

  1. Cook

Just go into your kitchen and concoct recipes regardless of what you are cooking. The process will definitely help you divert your mind from the frustration.

Cook

  1. Change your furniture around. Don’t try to be perfect. Just change things around in whichever way you want.

    Change furniture

  1. Go window shopping 

    Window-Shopping

  1. Meditate.       

meditatin

  1. Volunteer

This will help you realize how blessed you are.

    Volunteer

  1. Make big plans.

Just make plans without worrying about the resources required to realize them. Make plans as you focus on the things you want to manifest in your life—imagining that there are no obstacles that can hinder you from achieving your goals.

make big plans

Conclusion:

Remember that the difference between where you are emotionally or mentally, and where you want to be, is only a decision away. Once you decide to change your mind about anything, you have literally embarked on a profound journey of getting to your desired destination.

Reading self-help books is also another vital tip that will help infuse your mind with self-improvement–which is a good thing. You may want to check out my book: Do Not Force It, Tap The Good – Link – https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

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Love and light.

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PH.D, MBA, is a published author of 5 books, a Transformational coach, Counselor and Professional speaker. For more about her, check out her website at www.tapthegood.com

Four Tips to Deal with Rejection: Part 2:


In part 1 of this article, “How to Deal with Rejection – based on a personal story”, I shared a personal story about one of my childhood experiences of rejection. I’m certain that you or someone you know has gone through similar or maybe even worse experiences.

In this article, I share 4 tips that helped me deal with rejection and build a healthier self-esteem. And although I appreciate the fact that your experiences or those of your loved ones might be different, I’m also certain that anyone will be able to customize these tips and make them their own in order to resolve any rejection related emotional issues that they might be experiencing.

Tip 1: Know That no one can Reject You.

As weird as it might sound, believe me when I say that no one can actually reject you. One of the meanings of rejection is to be eliminated. And in my opinion, no one can eliminate you per-say. One might eliminate your presence from a scene, or disregard what you say, but he/she can never eliminate your existence. Chances are that what you perceive as rejection is an incident where someone probably did not resonate with, understand, or agree with whatever you were presenting or offering. However, with all due respect, this doesn’t mean that the entire awesome you was discarded.

Therefore, the first tip you can employ to deal with rejection-related emotions is to change your perception of the word, rejection and how it applies to you as an individual.

No one can reject you

Tip 2: Know that People’s Actions are Their Business.

As you deal with the rejection-related emotions, understand that perception is projection. Behavior is founded on internal representations: meaning that people behave as they have learned to, based on their beliefs and thought processes, mental, emotional and spiritual states. Everyone is doing the best they can with the internal resources they have. I’m sure you’ve heard the statement, “squeeze an orange and you get orange juice.” When someone is filled with anger, sadness or whatever other emotions that they might have, that’s exactly what’s going to come out of them as they perceive the world, as well as act. Therefore, if someone rejects something about you, this has nothing to do with you. It is their business. That’s how they know how to operate. Note that at that point in time, your presence or whatever they rejected triggered a decision within them to reject. Consequently, you can’t take things personally. And most importantly, you have to forgive them for their actions because they probably didn’t even realize that there was anything wrong with the way they acted. Just as you can’t expect mango juice to come out of an orange, you can’t expect a person filled with rudeness or anger to treat you with kindness or non-judgment.

If my actions dont concern you
Tip 3: Take 100% Responsibility Of Your Emotions:

When we take full responsibility of our negative emotions, we take our power back from whoever we have blamed for the way we feel. By taking full responsibility for the rejection-related negative emotions, we get to understand that no one has the power to make us feel a certain way; and that we have the power to heal ourselves. This process begins by identifying all those negative emotions that you are feeling. Write them down. Examine each one of them to identify the root causes. Establish if the root causes are really based on truths. For instance, if one of the negative related emotions you are dealing with is sadness, the root cause is what the person said or did, that made you believe that you are a reject. When you examine tip 1, you realize that you are not really a reject. Tip 2, is telling you that whatever the person did is not your business. Consequently, your perceptions are not founded on the truth. You are not a reject. Therefore, you just have to let the sadness go because it is built on lies.

The next step is to forgive yourself for being sad for the wrong reasons. Here’s a link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGUjtMRS_5k) with a forgiveness process that I recorded a few years ago. To access the link, please copy and paste the link in a new browser, then click “enter.”

You are your hell

Tip 4: Know That You Can Create a New And Better Story About Your Self-Image

The thoughts and related beliefs about being rejection are founded on a story you created based on an experience that you believed to be the truth. Note that just as you created this story, you also have the power to erase it and then create a new and better story about how you want to feel about yourself. You can do this by thinking about how you want to perceive your self-image. Decide how you want to be perceived. Write these attributes down. Read them to yourself every day until you believe them as the truth. For instance, you can write statements such; I accept and love myself just as I am. I am worthy. I deserve to be treated with respect. I respect myself—you get the idea. The fundamental thing to do is to think and believe these statements as the truth. And by doing this, you will be writing a better story that will improve your perception of yourself.
create a new story
Please note that although these tips are simplified, they helped me deal with my rejection-related negative emotions and I believe they can help you or anyone else. The idea is to make the tips your own, do the work on yourself, and remember that persistence and repetition are necessary ingredients required to establish and reinforce desired change.

The author is Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA. She’s an author, speaker, counselor and transformational coach. For more about her, please check out her website at www.tapthegood.com

Looking for a good inspirational book to empower and inspire you? Look no further. Click HERE to read THE book. 

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How to Influence and Captivate an Audience:


Audience

So many people begin with their own agendas as they communicate. Since they normally have something to say or prove, they deliver their messages without considering the person they are communicating with.

More often than not, they simply broadcast their message, as they assume that people will think it is the most important information in the world. On the other hand, good communicators know that people won’t start listening unless they connect intellectually and emotionally. The idea is to know your audience and start by conveying an emotional anecdote that shows your common perspective.

But how do you start?

In this article, I share two tips that will get you started.

  1. Know yourself.

         know yourself

Dig deep to establish what makes you feel good about yourself, your confidence and self-esteem levels, your core message, and objectives. Remember that if you feel good about yourself, and your message, this will show in the way you deliver the message, and ultimately influence the reactions from your target audience.

  1. Know your audience.

Know your audience

Before you address your audience, take time to find out the general attributes they share. For instance: if your target audience is a business oriented community, find out whether they are small business owners or employed; if they are just starting out as business owners, or already established; what their major challenges are; the dominant sex in the audience, etc. Although people’s interests and expectations in an audience vary, do the best you can to find out their commonalities and formulate your presentation with that information in mind.

Have I caught your attention?

Stay tuned to learn more about my newest book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out from the Crowd” soon to be published by the end of August 2015.

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor / Success Coach

www.tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com