The Art of Articulate Listening:


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One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.

 

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Time Management Tips For Entrepreneurs


Dont waste time

If you are an entrepreneur you know how easy it is to get distracted. Unfortunately, we are so accustomed to falling prey of these distractions and hence end up wasting a lot of our valuable time that we could use to execute important tasks to improve our businesses and lives.

Below are a few tips that will help you manage your time more wisely even if you are not an entrepreneur

  1. Prioritize Your Tasks Based On Importance. Time wasters

Establish the one thing that you can accomplish today that will make you feel like you were productive. Complete that task first.

  1. Use “Do Not Disturb” On Your Phone.  

Do not disturbIf you have apps on your phone through which you connect with friends and family, such as Whatsapp, update your profile as “do not disturb” during your working hours. Also turn off the notifications’ option from all your apps’ settings. This will help you focus on your tasks uninterrupted by the notifications’ sounds that tend to come in often.

  1. Get a to-do Listprioritize

This is extremely important as it will help you follow through with whatever you have listed. It is also a good tool that you can use to reward yourself especially if you’ve completed all the tasks on the list. Furthermore, if you are extremely busy or forgetful, the to-do list will keep you in check about what you have to accomplish.

  1. Delete Unimportant TasksDelete unimportant lists

If you keep rescheduling a task, perhaps it is not as important as you deemed it to be when you scheduled it. So, it shouldn’t be on your to-do list. If it is, do it or delete it.

  1. Assign Deadlines for Your Tasks

This will help you attend to the due tasks before their deadlines approach. You will be more consistent with your work if you actually stick to your deadlines.

  1. Avoid Time Wasters.

Do fewer things that are not making you productive, such as:

  • Watching non educational television
  • Over planning instead of doing
  • Waiting to be perfect to start tasks
  • Not knowing your priorities
  • Investing your time on face book and other social media, for fun
  • Worrying about what could go wrong
  • Keeping negative friends or staying in negative environments
  • Having no plan about where you want to go.
  • Gossiping
  • Not exercising
  • Exercising bad eating habits that will keep you weak and unfocused.
  1. Make a Procrastination List

No matter who you are, everyone procrastinates in some way. Make a list of important tasks you can work on. Save this list on your phone. Next time you procrastinate, open this list, and start working on one or some of the tasks.

  1. Make a “Waiting for” List

Sometimes we have to wait for certain things to happen before we can take action. For instance; let’s imagine that you need someone to respond in order for you to execute a particular task. Make a waiting list so that you can focus on what you can do now, and what you have to follow up on, so that you don’t forget.

  1. Block out “Me Time”self care

It’s very important to take time to clear your mind and nourish yourself. Make time for meditation or prayer, going to the gym or taking a walk or whatever else makes you feel at peace with yourself. Note that we are more productive when we feel good.

I’m certain that there are many other time management tools that you can employ to be more productive. But the above tips are a great reference.

Remember to leave comments if you have any, and also visit my website at www.tapthegood.com for all your transformational coaching and counseling needs.

Please subscribe to my channel for all the benefits you receive by reading my great tips on life’s mysteries, personal development, humor, psychological and philosophical concepts, plus and real problems, with real solutions for real people.

Looking for a great book to read, check out, Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out From the Crowd.

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA, is a Counselor, Transformational Coach, published author and professional speaker. For more about her, visit, http://www.tapthegood.com

How to Connect to The Right Friends


As a teenager, connecting to the right friends was one of my biggest challenges.

I grew up with my mom in Kampala, the capital city of Uganda, and my mom was very strict about how we chose friends since most of our neighbor’s teenagers had become pregnant, escaped from their homes and/or got involved in other inappropriate activities. I disliked my mom. In my little mind, I thought she was blocking my freedom to have as many friends as I wanted. But as an adult now, I appreciate her a lot. It is because of her strategies to keep us safe from the turbulent environment in which we were in, that I and my siblings were able to complete school without getting into trouble.

By following some of the strategies that I learned from my mom, and some as a transformational coach, I’ve been able to connect to and choose the right friends over the years.

Here are some of the tips that you can use to connect to the right friends.

1. Become your own best friend.
Before you can understand what friendship really means, you have to love and appreciate everything about yourself, including your flaws. You have to be your own best friend. If you don’t like yourself, you will always look for validation from your friends to define who you are. And that will be disappointing because no one has the power to define who you should be, or how you should feel about yourself. It’s up to each one of us to determine who we should be, and how we should feel. Therefore, be your best friend first, such that when you connect to friends, you are not looking for validation. You love yourself as you are.

your best friend

2. Define what friendship means to you.
It is extremely important to establish what you want to achieve from whatever you do. It’s about being purposeful. Defining what friendship means to you implies that you establish what you expect from friends; what they should expect from you as a friend, and what you will not tolerate from them. This also means that you have to develop personal values and standards below which you won’t be anyone’s friend. For instance; since you are already your own best friend, you have to know how to be friendly to yourself. This means that you respect your body by eating the right foods; you exercise and do not indulge in anything that would abuse your body—such as drugs and/or immature sex. You keep your word. You communicate clearly about what you want and don’t want, assertively. You respect your parents/elders. You keep your environment clean and safe. In a nutshell, you love yourself. As a result, you seek to connect with friends who also love themselves and most importantly, friends who will not negatively affect your self-love. They respect and appreciate who you are. They don’t try to influence you, except if it is for positive change.

high_standards

3. Become friendly.
If you want to connect to friends you have to be friendly. This means that you don’t make judgments about others because of their looks, origin, social group or religion. You communicate to others freely and attentively as you take the time to examine if these people also love themselves. You become present with people—meaning that you listen attentively to everyone you meet before you determine if that person could be a friend.

I believe that if you embrace these tips, or even add other personal tips that you’ve learned, you will be able to connect to good friends.

become friendly

Article also shared on teenmentor.com

http://www.tapthegood.com

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PH.D., MBA

Author, Transformational Coach, and Speaker.

3 Common Fatal Mistakes that Kill Businesses


According to a recent study by the American Marketing Association, 3% of any business’s ideal customers is ready to buy. The remaining 97% have other issues that I will explain in my next article. In this article, I will explain the 3 common fatal mistakes that kill businesses.

  1. Based on the proceeding, most businesses strategize and focus all their attention on the 3% of their ideal customers, who are ready to buy. Focusing on this percentage of your ideal customers creates a fatal competitive environment that could cost you time, and especially money. Competing for the 3% is the most common reason for price wars—which consequently creates profit losses.Un healthy competition
  2. The inability to communicate and connect to the ideal customer.

Most business owners have a perfect product, service or idea, but lack the skills to communicate in a way that will captivate their customer’s attention. Communicating in a captivating manner is a skill that requires expertise and focus to master.Poor communication

  1. Procrastination and low inner drive to take action will kill any business.Procrastination

The dilemma is to find the perfect solutions to either avoid, or resolve the above fatal mistakes.

The book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out in the Crowd, goes into depth in explaining practical processes to connect to the ideal customer. Furthermore, the author offers interactive simplified processes of how to identify the ideal customer, and especially how to use mind triggers to communicate and turn more leads into loyal customers.

Get your copy today from any of these links:

Paper back – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion/dp/1515179087/

Kindle – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B0151Y8CCM/

Website – www.tapthegood.com/books/

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA

Author, Success Coach, Counselor

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

A Powerful Mind Trigger For Customer Conversion


In this video, I share a powerful mind trigger that has been scientifically proven to influence others to pay attention to one’s offer or presentation.

I encourage you to try the trigger out on a new lead, and I guarantee that you will witness some interesting results. Please share your experiences by posting on this article.

In the interim, check out my newest book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out from the Crowd.

Link to Video – https://youtu.be/560s2phDjZk

Amazon link – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B0151Y8CCM

Reviews’ link – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B0151Y8CCM#customerReviews

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana

http://www.tapthegood.com

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The Most Important Step for Business Owners in The Process of Becoming Persuasive


In this video, I share the most important step that business owners need to embrace to become more persuasive.

Here’s the link to the video – https://youtu.be/ZCLG4RnpVe4

If this caught your attention, and I believe it did, take advantage and pre-order the book – Communicating Your Way to Success, between now and 9/25.

The kindle pre-order price, is a sweet price of $0.99

Link – http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0151Y8CCM)

The paperback is $9.75 (half the price) – Link – http://tapthegood.com/books/

Amazon link – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion/dp/1515179087

Native Proof_5632292_Front Cover

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D. MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor / Success Coach

http://www.tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com