The Art of Articulate Listening:


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One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.

 

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3 Common Fatal Mistakes that Kill Businesses


According to a recent study by the American Marketing Association, 3% of any business’s ideal customers is ready to buy. The remaining 97% have other issues that I will explain in my next article. In this article, I will explain the 3 common fatal mistakes that kill businesses.

  1. Based on the proceeding, most businesses strategize and focus all their attention on the 3% of their ideal customers, who are ready to buy. Focusing on this percentage of your ideal customers creates a fatal competitive environment that could cost you time, and especially money. Competing for the 3% is the most common reason for price wars—which consequently creates profit losses.Un healthy competition
  2. The inability to communicate and connect to the ideal customer.

Most business owners have a perfect product, service or idea, but lack the skills to communicate in a way that will captivate their customer’s attention. Communicating in a captivating manner is a skill that requires expertise and focus to master.Poor communication

  1. Procrastination and low inner drive to take action will kill any business.Procrastination

The dilemma is to find the perfect solutions to either avoid, or resolve the above fatal mistakes.

The book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out in the Crowd, goes into depth in explaining practical processes to connect to the ideal customer. Furthermore, the author offers interactive simplified processes of how to identify the ideal customer, and especially how to use mind triggers to communicate and turn more leads into loyal customers.

Get your copy today from any of these links:

Paper back – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion/dp/1515179087/

Kindle – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B0151Y8CCM/

Website – www.tapthegood.com/books/

Native Proof_5632292_Front Cover

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA

Author, Success Coach, Counselor

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

A Powerful Mind Trigger For Customer Conversion


In this video, I share a powerful mind trigger that has been scientifically proven to influence others to pay attention to one’s offer or presentation.

I encourage you to try the trigger out on a new lead, and I guarantee that you will witness some interesting results. Please share your experiences by posting on this article.

In the interim, check out my newest book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out from the Crowd.

Link to Video – https://youtu.be/560s2phDjZk

Amazon link – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B0151Y8CCM

Reviews’ link – http://www.amazon.com/Communicating-Your-Way-Success-Persuasion-ebook/dp/B0151Y8CCM#customerReviews

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana

http://www.tapthegood.com

Native Proof_5632292_Front Cover

The Most Important Step to Master and Benefit from the Art of Persuasion


To learn about the most important step to master and benefit from the art of persuasion, click the link below to access the video.

 

 

To learn more about my full day – Art of Persuasion Seminar Scheduled for February 6th, 2016, click on this link. http://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-art-of-persuasion-101-tickets-19585873876

Love and light

Tapthegood.com/training

How to Influence and Captivate an Audience:


Audience

So many people begin with their own agendas as they communicate. Since they normally have something to say or prove, they deliver their messages without considering the person they are communicating with.

More often than not, they simply broadcast their message, as they assume that people will think it is the most important information in the world. On the other hand, good communicators know that people won’t start listening unless they connect intellectually and emotionally. The idea is to know your audience and start by conveying an emotional anecdote that shows your common perspective.

But how do you start?

In this article, I share two tips that will get you started.

  1. Know yourself.

         know yourself

Dig deep to establish what makes you feel good about yourself, your confidence and self-esteem levels, your core message, and objectives. Remember that if you feel good about yourself, and your message, this will show in the way you deliver the message, and ultimately influence the reactions from your target audience.

  1. Know your audience.

Know your audience

Before you address your audience, take time to find out the general attributes they share. For instance: if your target audience is a business oriented community, find out whether they are small business owners or employed; if they are just starting out as business owners, or already established; what their major challenges are; the dominant sex in the audience, etc. Although people’s interests and expectations in an audience vary, do the best you can to find out their commonalities and formulate your presentation with that information in mind.

Have I caught your attention?

Stay tuned to learn more about my newest book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out from the Crowd” soon to be published by the end of August 2015.

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor / Success Coach

www.tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com