5 Things to Help One Deal with a Chaotic Day


What does a chaotic day look like?

To access this article on audio, please click HERE.  

Link to audio recording – https://youtu.be/K9p48kxnygI

Chaos

Let’s imagine that your day seems to be getting worse with every ticking minute. It could be that since you got out of bed, everything seems to be working against you. Maybe the dog is sick, you aren’t feeling well yourself, you’ve called in sick to rest if you are employed, or canceled all your day’s appointments if you are self-employed. Let’s further imagine that all the major appliances in your house stop functioning due to an electric mishap, and you have to deal with your homeowners’ insurance company’s bureaucracy to get things fixed. Let’s also imagine that you had a horrible fight with your partner, your kids are sick, and a creditor made a mistake and double charged your account. Hence, you are short on cash. To make things worse, as you pull it together to go out of the house and solve some of these challenges, you discover that you have a flat tire; and you have absolutely no idea how to change a flat tire.

What do you do??

These are days that test our patience and force us to go within and retrieve our emotional and intellectual weapons. However, the great news is that no matter how bad the day seems, there is a part of you that remains untouched by the situation. That part, my friend, is your mind. You can use your mind to emotionally and mentally rise above any challenges regardless of how bad they seem: and this brings me to the 5 things you can do to deal with a chaotic day.

  1. Slow down.

    slowing-down

This means that take your time as you resolve every issue, one after another without trying to chunk them up. Make a to-do list as things to do begin presenting themselves. Focus on one thing at a time. This will help you stay on top of the issues that are resolved, and the ones that need more time or resources.  A to-do list also has a way of making us feel accomplished as we mark off every task that we finish.

  1. Remember to Breathe.

    Breathe

By deep breathing you relax, which then gives you the clarity to deal with the issues you have at hand.

  1. Put on soothing music.

    Soothing music

Let soothing or relaxing music play in the background, and your brain will start picking up on the musical notes which will then help you relax.

  1. Drink a lot of water.

    graphic_drinkingwater

The benefits of drinking water, especially in stressful situations, are obvious. Drinking a lot of water will keep you hydrated, focused and energetic.

  1. Don’t call anyone to tell them what you are going through.

When you call your friends or loved ones and start telling them what you are going through, firstly, you are wasting time. Secondly, they might make things feel worse for you. Therefore, trust yourself and know that you have the mental and emotional resources within you to solve the chaos. The only exception is if you are calling for professional help. As a matter of fact, if you receive a call amidst the chaos, don’t engage them, ask to call them back.

Remember, there is nothing out of yourself that has the power to disorient you. As long as you are still conscious, you can still tap into your internal resources to resolve any challenges. Furthermore, nothing lasts forever. Maintain your calm. Don’t worry. Everything will soon get back to normal. And even if it doesn’t, you have the human spirit that is always unconditionally fired up with the powers of perseverance, patience, and faith.  

“A calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence; that’s very important for good health.” Dalai Lama

Love and light

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This article was written by Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA, Author, Counselor, Coach, Speaker. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthegood.com

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10 Actions That are Guaranteed to Keep you Broke and a Failure


It wont work out

I know that most people tend to focus on the actions or behaviors that have been proven to help others achieve success. But it is also important to identify the actions that are known to keep people broke or as failures.

Embrace failure (2)

In this VIDEO, I share 10 actions that are known to keep anyone broke if they are persistent with them. I invite you to identify these actions so that you can avoid them.

Link to Video – https://youtu.be/tcWGgHyI3r0

 

This is article was written by Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA, who is a counselor, Transformational Coach, author, and professional speaker. For more about her, please check out her website at http://www.tapthegood.com.

Looking for a good book to read, please visit this link – http://www.tapthegood.com/books/

 

Feeling Stressed Out? Three Tips to Inspire You


I recently went through an experience that left me feeling beaten and broken. I felt as if I was behind a curtain. I felt as if my true intentions weren’t understood. I felt betrayed, weak and discouraged. I felt misjudged, isolated and rejected.

rejected1

Now, you will agree that such feelings can leave one in a state of emotional warfare. Yet I knew that I had to get up. I knew that I couldn’t control anyone else but myself. I had to take my power back, and determine the way I wanted to feel regardless of what anyone else thought or felt about me. I had to continue following my dreams, and focusing on my goals. I had to feel good again which is the only way that would enable me to wake up and try at this thing called life. I needed inspiration to keep going .

In this video, I share three tips that I employed to feel inspired. I hope they help you feel inspired. Please share the video with anyone you know needs some inspiration today.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/c1PxuWSjDpg

i-am-lovei-am-love-2i-am-love-3

Have a good week.

Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

 

3 Proven Tips to Sustain a Healthy Relationship


HealthyRelationships

Did you know that one of the main factors that impact our emotions is problematic relationships? For the most part, every problem that we experience is related to another person. Therefore, managing relationships, or identifying which relationships work, is vital to sustaining emotional health.

In this VIDEO, I, and my co-host, Jay, discuss three proven tips that will sustain a healthy relationship.

Please click HERE to access the video.

HealthyRelationships1

Remember, the first relationship that you have to deal with in order to be successful at other relationships is the relationship with yourself.

Looking for a good book to facilitate your emotional advancement? Check out, Do not Force it, Tap the Good: How to Tap Into One’s Infinite Intelligence, Develop a Profound Positive Mindset, and Live Life on his/her Terms. 

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Jacinta Mpalyenkana, is a Transformational Coach, Counselor and Empowerment Speaker. To learn more about her services, please check out her website at http://www.tapthegood.com

 

 

Four Tips to Deal with Rejection: Part 2:


In part 1 of this article, “How to Deal with Rejection – based on a personal story”, I shared a personal story about one of my childhood experiences of rejection. I’m certain that you or someone you know has gone through similar or maybe even worse experiences.

In this article, I share 4 tips that helped me deal with rejection and build a healthier self-esteem. And although I appreciate the fact that your experiences or those of your loved ones might be different, I’m also certain that anyone will be able to customize these tips and make them their own in order to resolve any rejection related emotional issues that they might be experiencing.

Tip 1: Know That no one can Reject You.

As weird as it might sound, believe me when I say that no one can actually reject you. One of the meanings of rejection is to be eliminated. And in my opinion, no one can eliminate you per-say. One might eliminate your presence from a scene, or disregard what you say, but he/she can never eliminate your existence. Chances are that what you perceive as rejection is an incident where someone probably did not resonate with, understand, or agree with whatever you were presenting or offering. However, with all due respect, this doesn’t mean that the entire awesome you was discarded.

Therefore, the first tip you can employ to deal with rejection-related emotions is to change your perception of the word, rejection and how it applies to you as an individual.

No one can reject you

Tip 2: Know that People’s Actions are Their Business.

As you deal with the rejection-related emotions, understand that perception is projection. Behavior is founded on internal representations: meaning that people behave as they have learned to, based on their beliefs and thought processes, mental, emotional and spiritual states. Everyone is doing the best they can with the internal resources they have. I’m sure you’ve heard the statement, “squeeze an orange and you get orange juice.” When someone is filled with anger, sadness or whatever other emotions that they might have, that’s exactly what’s going to come out of them as they perceive the world, as well as act. Therefore, if someone rejects something about you, this has nothing to do with you. It is their business. That’s how they know how to operate. Note that at that point in time, your presence or whatever they rejected triggered a decision within them to reject. Consequently, you can’t take things personally. And most importantly, you have to forgive them for their actions because they probably didn’t even realize that there was anything wrong with the way they acted. Just as you can’t expect mango juice to come out of an orange, you can’t expect a person filled with rudeness or anger to treat you with kindness or non-judgment.

If my actions dont concern you
Tip 3: Take 100% Responsibility Of Your Emotions:

When we take full responsibility of our negative emotions, we take our power back from whoever we have blamed for the way we feel. By taking full responsibility for the rejection-related negative emotions, we get to understand that no one has the power to make us feel a certain way; and that we have the power to heal ourselves. This process begins by identifying all those negative emotions that you are feeling. Write them down. Examine each one of them to identify the root causes. Establish if the root causes are really based on truths. For instance, if one of the negative related emotions you are dealing with is sadness, the root cause is what the person said or did, that made you believe that you are a reject. When you examine tip 1, you realize that you are not really a reject. Tip 2, is telling you that whatever the person did is not your business. Consequently, your perceptions are not founded on the truth. You are not a reject. Therefore, you just have to let the sadness go because it is built on lies.

The next step is to forgive yourself for being sad for the wrong reasons. Here’s a link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGUjtMRS_5k) with a forgiveness process that I recorded a few years ago. To access the link, please copy and paste the link in a new browser, then click “enter.”

You are your hell

Tip 4: Know That You Can Create a New And Better Story About Your Self-Image

The thoughts and related beliefs about being rejection are founded on a story you created based on an experience that you believed to be the truth. Note that just as you created this story, you also have the power to erase it and then create a new and better story about how you want to feel about yourself. You can do this by thinking about how you want to perceive your self-image. Decide how you want to be perceived. Write these attributes down. Read them to yourself every day until you believe them as the truth. For instance, you can write statements such; I accept and love myself just as I am. I am worthy. I deserve to be treated with respect. I respect myself—you get the idea. The fundamental thing to do is to think and believe these statements as the truth. And by doing this, you will be writing a better story that will improve your perception of yourself.
create a new story
Please note that although these tips are simplified, they helped me deal with my rejection-related negative emotions and I believe they can help you or anyone else. The idea is to make the tips your own, do the work on yourself, and remember that persistence and repetition are necessary ingredients required to establish and reinforce desired change.

The author is Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA. She’s an author, speaker, counselor and transformational coach. For more about her, please check out her website at www.tapthegood.com

Looking for a good inspirational book to empower and inspire you? Look no further. Click HERE to read THE book. 

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How to Deal with Rejection: My Personal Story – Part 1:


Feelings of rejection are normally reflections of past events or experiences that made and still make us feel left out. We probably tried to reach out to someone and he/she ignored us. There are several reasons why we develop feelings of rejection. And for the most part, these feelings have a way of making us feel insecure. Some people develop introvert personalities to protect themselves from being rejected again. Feelings of rejection can also create frustration, anger, resentment, sadness and ultimately, isolation.

Child walking alone

In this article, I will share a personal experience about rejection, how this experience made me feel, and how a fashion-modeling instructor helped me regain my confidence. In part 2 of this article, I will then share the 4 proven tools that I utilized to liberate myself from feelings of rejection.

My Story

I didn’t grow up with my biological father. There were times when I missed him so much, so I would escape from home and go to his family with intent to bond with them.

When I was 13 years old, I remember escaping from home to go to an auntie’s home (my dad’s sister), who happened to live about 7 miles away. I found my auntie and her kids having lunch. When she saw me, she told me that I should never go back to her home: that I wasn’t needed, and in her opinion, I wasn’t part of her family. She also told me that even if they had extra food to share, she would rather throw it in the trash than give it to me. “I hate you,” she said. I asked her why she hated me, and she told me that she could never allow her kids to associate with someone as needy, ugly and poor as I was. As I walked the seven miles back home, in the scolding heat, hungry and thirsty, I cried hysterically. I felt rejected and sad. And I believe that was the day I developed a mental conclusion that I was a societal reject.

rejection

What this Experience did to me:

For many years I felt that I wasn’t good enough. At the back of my mind, I consistently heard my auntie telling me how needy, ugly and poor I was. Consequently, I lost my confidence. I didn’t feel good about myself. I concluded that no one liked me; and as a result, I isolated myself. I dropped all my friends and took refuge in reading books. And what was strange is that the kids at school and in my neighborhood also started rejecting me. Teachers would pick on me. I initiated conflicts with the few friends who stuck with me because I thought that it would be easier to break up with them sooner than later–since I was convinced that in the end, they would also reject me. I was always sad.

As of today, and after many years of studying human behavior, and psychology, I understand that since I was convinced that I would always be rejected, my brain looked for ways and experiences for me to be rejected–so that I didn’t think that I was crazy. I have also learned that whatever stories we tell ourselves, about who we are, are reflected in our experiences.

How a Fashion-modeling Instructor Helped me.

When I was 20 years old, in college, my friends persuaded me to participate in the Miss Uganda Beauty Contest. By that time, I thought I was over my auntie’s story. But the moment I went through the preliminary screening process, my auntie’s voice started mumbling at the back of my mind consistently; “You can never win; you are seriously ugly; no one will vote for you” the voice went on and on with all kinds of negative messages about what was wrong with me.  Every time we were practicing the catwalk or how to pose for pictures, I would shiver, and at times even cry. At one point I wanted to quit the contest because I was convinced that the judges would reject me at first sight. But my mother kept encouraging me to move forward.

One afternoon as we prepared for the Miss Photogenic portion of the contest, I went to the restroom, sat in one corner and started crying. Soon after, the modeling instructor came to the restroom and saw me weeping. She came and sat next to me.

“Why are you crying?” she said. I didn’t know how to explain how I felt.

“Common, tell me. Maybe I can help you.” She continued.

“I don’t think I’m good enough. I think the judges will reject me.”

“Who told you that?” She questioned.

Amidst tears, I summarized my auntie’s story.

“How long ago did your auntie tell you this nonsense?” She asked.

“About 7 years ago,” I answered.

She then held my hand and said, “Never let anyone’s perception of you determine how you should feel about yourself. You have the power to replace the bad things that people have said to you, with the good things that you want to feel about yourself.” She explained. These statements were like light bulbs in my mind. They helped me realize that in spite of what my auntie had told me, I still had the power to decide how I could feel about myself.

Rescued

The instructor helped me off the floor, quickly re-did my makeup and off to the stage, I went feeling much better about myself. And although I didn’t win the Miss photogenic contest, I felt energetic and hopeful that I would eventually love myself unconditionally. While I knew that this would take time, the instructor’s advice had laid a firm foundation for me to start changing my self-concept.

Over the years, and now as a counselor and transformational coach, I have referred to this story to continue empowering myself and also help my clients deal with rejection-related insecurities. And I always remember what Dr. Wayne Dyer once said; “it is not the snake bite that kills a person; it’s the venom.” This means that it’s not what people say to you that affect you; it’s how you interpret it.

In part 2 of this article, I will share the 4 proven tools that I used to regain my confidence and develop a healthier self-esteem.

Love and light

www.tapthegood.com

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EFT Session to Get Unstuck From an Abusive Relationship


Do you feel stuck in a relationship that makes you feel like buying a big rope and tying it around your neck?

In this EFT RECORDED SESSION, I take you through a process to release your grip on any abusive relationship you may be involved in–whether it’s a job, friendship or love.

LINK to video – https://youtu.be/_zlrg7jBNh8

Freedom

If there are any issues that you would like me to deal with using EFT, psychology or Hooponopono, please include the details in the comments.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

freedom_quote_2

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA

http://www.tapthegood.com