There’s no Such Thing as “Failure”


depositphotos_13984100-stock-illustration-cartoon-eager-student“Give an example of a company experiencing financial trouble because of its promotional strategy?” Asked the professor. I gave an example of a company I had worked for in Uganda. “Please do not give ridiculous answers from countries that do not qualify for advanced European MBA programs.” He responded. I knew that I was in trouble because the only business-related work experience I had was in Uganda. 

I was pursuing an MBA from the Greenwich School of Management, a branch of Hull University, Hull, UK. Most of my classmates were from Europe or at the least had experience working for European-based businesses. During the first semester I did poorly in the class assignments and presentations. I hardly made the required points to proceed to the next semester. The professors told me that if I didn’t learn about the European market, I would fail the degree. I had given myself a year to complete the program—acceptable by the college, because I didn’t have the extra money to pay for another year. 

I sought for advice from one of my professors. “I think I’m already a failure.” I said miserably. “You can never fail. You will only fail to know that you didn’t fail. Even when we think we’ve failed, we still acted but just didn’t achieve our goals as anticipated. And that’s not a failure. Failure is an illusion.” He responded. I looked at him almost cross-eyed. I had no clue about what he meant. Desperate, I got a part-time job in a library and buried myself in reading everything I could get my hands on about the European economy. Long story short, I completed the degree in a year, passed with distinction and my thesis, earned me a “student of the year award.”

Failure

Moral of the Story:

I thought I had failed, only to realize that the results of my first semester were propelling me to work harder. And I concur with my professor’s wisdom. We never fail. Failure is just a word we come up with to summarize a process that has nothing to do with the real meaning of the word. The dictionary defines the word failure as a lack of success or non-fulfillment. When you consider what success means you realize that what we consider as failure is far from the truth. Success is being able to move from point A to B, internally or externally. Success can also imply committing to a promise made for oneself or for others. Success can mean progressing or moving through a process even if we don’t get to the end. Therefore, “failure” has no place in defining our actions plus the results. 

It’s vital to understand that words as just that….words. Therefore, we shouldn’t be quick to define our emotions by recruiting words that do not necessarily reflect on our true emotions. Words can be limiting, misleading and/or mis-representative of the truth. Sometimes if not most, we can not define feelings because they are in-definitive in their nature. They have no shape, color, size or density — if we do not create visuals to represent them. So, the words we use to define feelings are just attempts to express ourselves. Just because you feel a certain way for not achieving a particular goal doesn’t mean that you are a failure. A conclusive definition of a feeling as a failure, is just a believed thought and nothing more.

A conclusive definition of a feeling as a failure, is just a believed thought and nothing more.  

Therefore, let’s be slow in defining our experiences or outcomes. Let’s hold back from assigning meanings to our feelings. Let’s become observers of our feelings and see how long they can hold the emotional space in which they dwell. Mostly, let’s remember that we are not our thoughts, feelings or experiences. We are more; we are different; we are undefinable. Moreover, we have an immeasurable power within us, as us, that can help our human conditioning release the delusional tendencies and mental, plus emotional struggles we create: struggles that are lies and not based on truths.

Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

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How We Create Insanity: An Excerpt from my upcoming book – “The Sanity Warrior”


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Insanity begins by creating stories that are delusional: delusional in the sense that we normally don’t have practical evidence of our conclusive thoughts. For instance, we predict our future based on what happened in the past, or based on stories of other people. We also base our future predictions on present experiences and conclude with certainty that our lives will manifest the same way they are manifesting now. What’s interesting is that as we engross our minds in these predictions, we develop profound beliefs about our futures, and just like magic, our futures manifest as we predicted. So, we literally create our present and future realities as we continue to emotionally and mentally visualize experiences rooted on false facts. And because we’ve been given the free-will to think and visualize as we please, we’ve also been given the power to create our realities. But we forget or neglect this truth and blame everyone and everything out of ourselves for our experiences. Yet, we create our own suffering: because suffering is a personal inner experience (call it an emotion) that we consciously or unconsciously choose to feel. 

To summarize the preceding precepts, we live insanely because we’ve forgotten who we truly are, and what we are capable of. We forget, or are never convinced that our thoughts are powerful—and that they create. We neglect that no one and nothing has power over our emotions, except our own choices. We forget the basic truth that we cannot control anyone else but ourselves. Moreover, people are always changing their approach towards everything they do. Today someone might be kind and loving, and tomorrow he/she could be rude and/or sad. The more comfortable we get with our environments and the people we deal with, the more we relax our guard and reveal what’s inside of us. What’s inside depends on the number, diversity and intensity of experiences that someone has had all their lives; the related beliefs they’ve developed about their lives, life, and the world in general, plus relationships. What’s inside each one of us is complex. Therefore, regardless of how knowledgeable anyone is in subjects like psychology and/or human behavior, he/she can never be at the same pace with what consistently influences people to perceive and act the way they do.

Unfortunately, we go about life trying to change people; blaming them for being who they are, expecting them to love and accept us for who we are; thinking that we have the power to influence their actions, and that they owe us what we want to experience. When we believe that anyone owes us what we want to experience, then we have literally given them the power to choose our experiences based on what they know. We gain this mentality when we forget or negate that we experience who are. There is nothing without perception; also implying that if you don’t perceive something that “thing” does not exist in your reality. Because perception is a projection, we perceive according to what we have already created in our inner worlds: what we believe, what we consistently think about, and the stories we’ve created.

Therefore, if you don’t perceive it, it doesn’t exist. That’s why sometimes when you are crying over something, other people could celebrate over it. And it’s because we are all different—we have different opinions. Hence, everyone is doing the best they can with the mental, emotional and spiritual resources they’ve created within themselves. This also implies that what people do is their business. It’s their idea of expression and experience. So, it is insane to stress over what people do; considering that we have a choice to perceive things as we want, or decide not to experience what we don’t want. It’s because of this gift of free-will that God awarded us that we have also created a world of sorts. Sorts, in that the experiences we all individually create are so drastically different; some are extremely pleasurable if perceived that way, and others, sorrowful. It takes more than wishful thinking to stay connected to our true nature: a nature that consistently reveals its uniqueness through the selection of our perceptions and hence experiences.

Stay tuned for the book release date….

http://www.tapthegood.com

Money is not the Root of all Evil: What is?


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It’s commonly believed that money is the root of all evil. However if you pay close attention to the people who believe that money is the source of all evil you will quickly discover that they have a bad relationship with money: aka, “broke as hell.”

I plead guilty of having this mindset. At one point when I was extremely broke I came to a delusional conclusion that if money were a person, he/she must be extremely mad at me. I thought that money discriminated people. Besides, my high school Champlain had programmed me to believe that money is evil, and those who love it are greedy “mother-funnels” who won’t go to heaven when they die. Yet I wanted to go to heaven, so I resented money. But tell you what? Experience has taught me that living a comfortable life is being in heaven here on earth.

So, what then is the root of all evil? In my opinion it is fear. It is fear that inspires jealousy—because one is afraid that there isn’t enough goodness to go around. So this fear triggers jealousy. If one focuses on this jealousy for an extended period of time envy is eventually manufactured. If you’ve ever dealt with an envious person you know how toxic and dangerous they can be. These people are the advocates of witchcraft, gossip, backstabbing others, and crime—to mention but a few.

“Surrounded by the flames of jealousy, the jealous one winds up, like the scorpion, turning the poisoned sting against himself.” – Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Fear is what inspires a woman to throw her kid in the trash because she is afraid that she won’t be able to take care of it, or herself.

Fear can inspire a parent to disregard or abuse their child because he/she is afraid that the child might grow up to be better than them. Strange, right? Tell me about fear!!

Fear can inspire a woman to mistreat her step-kids because she is so afraid of dealing with her own insecurities. So, this triggers anger that she passes on to the innocent step-kids, in form of rage or abuse.

Fear is what promotes cut-throat competitions where people do everything they can to step on each other’s toes, damage repetitions, wrongfully accuse others, and do whatever else they can to block one from succeeding.

jealousy-is-not-good-for-your-health.-it-is-a-silent-killer-an-untreatable-disease

Fear is what promotes addictions, because the user is so afraid of dealing with the torment in their mind and/or their experience in general. Consequently, they escape their reality because they are afraid that they don’t have what it takes to deal with it—at least for the most part.

Fear is what promotes wars. Societies and countries engage in life-time wars because they are afraid of losing their power to whomever they believe is their enemy.

Fear is the foundation of stress, anxiety and all other emotional draining states, because one is either afraid of the future repeating itself or they are afraid that the future will be worse than the present.

Fear promotes lies, deceit, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, short term gratification—plus other related self-degrading mental states, because one is afraid that they are not good enough.

Fear limits or retards self-expression because one is afraid of being judged.

Note that fear is primarily intended to warn us of the possible dangers in our environments—and then we get to choose between fleeing or fighting. And once an action is chosen, there’s no need to continue producing the fear-manufacturing hormones.  

As a therapist, I often ask my clients to create visual representations of their fears. It is very interesting to see that each of them has unique images of their fears—even in situations where two people are afraid of the same thing. Therefore, it is evident the fear is a self-created state, triggered by the associations, definitions, relationships, attachments and perceptions that we assign to the events in our lives. Without associations, definitions, relationships, attachments and perceptions, fear is limited. Nothing is interpreted. Everything just is. Therefore, in order to release our fears we have to start by learning how to detach or resist defining events, things or situations.

Although without benefits, fear indeed is the root of all evil. The questions then are; what are your fears? What inner and outer negative behaviors have been triggered by these fears? What are you doing about your fears? How do you plan to let them go?

Send me an email if you need help with this.

Sending you abundant love from my heart to yours.

Divine blessings

http://www.tapthegood.com

tapthegood@gmail.com

Feel-Good Affirmations to Recharge


Denial

Sometimes the world has a way of bringing us down especially when we unconsciously allow it. Experiences tend to reduce our self-concept and encroach on our happiness. However, just because we are human, we have what it takes to retrain our minds to choose good feelings. It’s in our divine nature. We can choose to feel good regardless of whatever is happening in our external world. Although at times this is not easy, it is doable.

Note that repetition has been known to reprogram the unconscious mind with new prompters.  Therefore, if you are feeling down, or need some quick inspiring affirmations, this video will do just that…inspire and uplift you.

Listen to this video repetitively to reprogram your unconscious with a behavior of choosing to experience more positive feelings in spite of external occurrences.

In the interim, be well.

Love and divine anointing

sending-you-much-love-healing-light-may-you-be-7181155http://www.tapthegood.com/spiritualcounseling/

 

Keep Shinning Regardless – An Inspirational Message


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Have you ever shared your dream with someone only to be discouraged?

Have you ever been so certain about the direction that you want to take only to be told by someone you trust that you are going to fail?

If you answered yes, to any of the above questions then you understand how it feels when someone tries to blow out your light….damn your enthusiasm.

Apparently, it’s human nature for one to damn someone else’s light if theirs isn’t shinning. Remember that misery loves company, and if you are in company with people who have given up on their dreams, don’t expect them to inspire you.

Note that people who feel insecure about their own qualities will attempt to make others feel that way. They will devise mental plots to get you to start doubting yourself.

Furthermore, if one is stuck in a dark place for a while, understand that they have become accustomed to the darkness. They don’t want to experience anything different. Their brains have settled, and it normally takes some mental and emotional work for them to snap out of their illusion and start shinning their own light. Therefore, if you share your dream with someone in that mental state, be sure to receive discouragement.

“If one is stuck in a dark place for a while, understand that they have become accustomed to the darkness”

The next question is, what do you do if someone discourages you?

The answer lies in the very reason why you want to pursue your goal. Your why, should matter more than what anyone else says about you or your goals. Besides, what others think or say about you is their business: that’s their model of the world. Whatever one is projecting in their mind has nothing to do with you. Your business is what’s brewing in your own mind. Therefore, you can’t let naysayers retard your decision to move forward with your dream. Remember, no one but you has the power to put out your light. You are the master of your enthusiasm and your inner thrill, and it’s really up to you to keep shinning no matter what.

“No one but you has the power to put out your light.”

Serena Williams

In this video, I share a few tips that you can use to keep your light shinning. The tips are simple and I’m certain that you already know about them. However, sometimes it helps when we are reminded that the answers and solutions we seek for are always within us.

 

 

 

 

Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

Check out the inspirational books below that will help you to ignite your passion to live at the utmost potential, which already dwells within you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What to do When You Feel Uninspired


inspire

How often do you feel uninspired?

What do you do when you keep procrastinating just because you don’t feel the urge to get started on a particular project?

What can you do to inspire yourself?

There are times when I have had projects to pursue: times when I know exactly what to do, how to do it, plus have the resources needed to get started. But for some reason, I couldn’t get started because I felt so uninspired.

Most times it is because my mind is stuck on what things are supposed to be, or shouldn’t be. Other times, I’m thinking about what’s wrong and how wrong it could get. And that’s how the matrix holds each of us captive. We find ourselves knowing what to do and not doing it. It is like you are aware that fire burns but you keep playing with it. You are aware that when you don’t take action nothing will be accomplished, but you don’t take action. What kind of BS is that? lol.

The underlying reason is because we are afraid. Note that we are either hosts of progress or hostages of fear. If your fear doesn’t drive you, you are its hostage. 

One of the ways to snap out of this mind block is to inspire ourselves. However, how do you inspire yourself when you don’t want to do anything? Apparently, you’ve consciously and/or subconsciously driven yourself into this emotional/mental mess. This also implies that if you feel lethargic, and you have lost the grip on how to get out. Yet, it is still up to you to get your stressed-behind out of this mess.  What do you do?

Here are a few steps to get you started on inspiring yourself. 

  1. Know that it is your responsibility to feel good and inspired. Remove the blame from anything or anyone out of yourself. Get a grip of your mind and make it your hostage. Direct your mind to do what you want instead of the other way round. Talk yourself into taking full responsibility of your emotions. 
  2. Remember, or find your why. Go back to the drawing board of why you want to accomplish that goal. For instance, during days when I don’t feel like writing or making videos to inspire my audience, I remember why–which is my life purpose. I know that when I inspire others through the different ways I do, this is the time I feel alive the most. Therefore, find your why.
  3. Meditate. Yes, meditate. Some people think that meditation is for monks. But I attest to the power of meditation. Meditation has helped me overcome some of the ugliest situations in my life. Meditation has rewarded me with a lot of clarity, enthusiasm and unconditional inner peace. It’s mainly through meditation that I get the ideas I write, and record about. The benefits of meditation are inexhaustible. To get started, you can check out my simple morning meditations on gratitude and divine love. The links are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgMpYijDTjU  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk7JhGZOZvU I also suggest that you start your day off with meditating. It makes all the positive difference. 

  4. Exercise: Once you change your physiology, your mood will change. Stand up, stretch, stand in your power pause, go for a walk, do yoga or whatever you can to get moving. This will amplify the production of your happy hormones and then get you inspired to take action. 
  5. Listen to affirmations. Here are a few I’ve recorded. Links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHyp6f8_jp4   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXf_l7hpFqw   
  6. Listen to your favorite music.
  7. Listen to inspirational messages. Some of these messages can be accessed by clicking on these links:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dl-rhzBgOY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flCW8oaRQYM
  8. Read a good book. You can read, Do Not Force it, Tap The Good — guaranteed to inspire you. Link to the book – https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

Tap The Good

8. Hire the services of a transformational coach or counselor. I offer 30 minutes complimentary sessions and these can be enough to facilitate your self-inspirational goals. To request for your free session, check out www.tapthegood.com/contact/

I’m certain that there are hundreds of other ways that you can employ to get you inspired. But the ones I have provided above, will create a strong foundation for you to get started on inspiring yourself. 

In the interim, do not worry. Nothing lasts for ever. Every thing will be okay. I promise. 

sending-you-much-love-healing-light-may-you-be-7181155

Remember to subscribe to my blog, and visit my YouTube channel to access hundreds of inspirational uplifting or problem solving tips I offer every week through my videos. Link – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqdoCgt0iLCT8gBAnXg-HGQ

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PHD, MBA

Author, Transformational Coach, Counselor, Speaker

http://www.tapthegood.com

Believe-in-Miracles.Sending-Love-and-Light-To-Wherever-It-is-Needed

 

 

6 Reasons Why We Stay in Abusive Relationships


To begin, what are abusive relationships?

Certainly, the answer is relative and depends on the way we individually develop our personal standards. Culture also has a lot to do with what is regarded as abusive and what is not. 

In this article, I share a generalized view of the different and common forms of abuse, and the reasons we stay in abusive relationships.

What are the different forms of abuse?

The list below includes some common forms of abuse although it is not exhaustive of what abuse can be.

  1. Saying Lies About You

When someone says a lie about you, they have abused your persona. They are probably jealous of you or just want to make themselves feel good by putting you down. Another reason why people lie about others is that they want all the attention to be directed at them. For the most part, they are insecure and don’t really feel good about themselves. They believe that by lying about you, others will turn their attention away from their weaknesses and focus on yours.

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  1. Lying to You

When someone repeatedly lies to you, they firstly do not respect themselves, and the same goes for you or anyone else. Remember, we generally treat others the way we treat ourselves. Most importantly, someone lying to you is a form of abuse. They abuse your intellect by lying.

lying to you

  1. Verbal Insults

This is self-explanatory. When someone insults you by either calling you rude names, making negative comments about your self-image, your intellect, or criticizing the way you do things, they are abusing you. I appreciate that at times someone might say negative things to you because they are going through their own drama and aren’t nice to anyone especially to themselves. But if one insults you more than once they have abusive tendencies. 

verbal abuse

  1. Judgment and criticism

We believe it is normal to judge and/or criticize others. But this is not only wrong but also implies that we are investing our focus on something that doesn’t, and will never promote us. We normally judge others based on what we’ve either been told about them, subconscious bias–if they are different from us, or if they intimidate us. We find a way to judge them–which means making conclusions about them without enough evidence. People are also so accustomed to criticizing others and constantly identifying what they believe is wrong with them. This turns into abuse if one is doing it often and doesn’t change even when you bring it to their attention.

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  1. Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone hits, pushes or engages in any forceful physical activity that causes you discomfort or bodily pain. Note that one time is more than enough times for you to walk away—and trust me on this one.

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Why do we Stay in Abusive Relationships?

In this video, I share 6 reasons that I believe you will relate to. I also share a simple yet powerful tip that will help you get out of any abusive relationship.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/DbV-AcxtN5k

What next?

  1. Firstly, thanks for visiting my blog. Please follow me so that you get periodical blogs on personal development and inspiration.
  2. When you click on the referenced video, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, share and like the video. If you have comments, even better. Please include them in the comments section below.

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If you are in need of a transformational coach and counselor, please contact me at tapthegood@gmail.com

Looking for a powerful life-changing self-help book to read? I got you. Click on this link to order your copy.

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA, is a published author, transformational coach, counselor and professional speaker. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthgood.com.