6 Reasons Why We Stay in Abusive Relationships


To begin, what are abusive relationships?

Certainly, the answer is relative and depends on the way we individually develop our personal standards. Culture also has a lot to do with what is regarded as abusive and what is not. 

In this article, I share a generalized view of the different and common forms of abuse, and the reasons we stay in abusive relationships.

What are the different forms of abuse?

The list below includes some common forms of abuse although it is not exhaustive of what abuse can be.

  1. Saying Lies About You

When someone says a lie about you, they have abused your persona. They are probably jealous of you or just want to make themselves feel good by putting you down. Another reason why people lie about others is that they want all the attention to be directed at them. For the most part, they are insecure and don’t really feel good about themselves. They believe that by lying about you, others will turn their attention away from their weaknesses and focus on yours.

lying about you

  1. Lying to You

When someone repeatedly lies to you, they firstly do not respect themselves, and the same goes for you or anyone else. Remember, we generally treat others the way we treat ourselves. Most importantly, someone lying to you is a form of abuse. They abuse your intellect by lying.

lying to you

  1. Verbal Insults

This is self-explanatory. When someone insults you by either calling you rude names, making negative comments about your self-image, your intellect, or criticizing the way you do things, they are abusing you. I appreciate that at times someone might say negative things to you because they are going through their own drama and aren’t nice to anyone especially to themselves. But if one insults you more than once they have abusive tendencies. 

verbal abuse

  1. Judgment and criticism

We believe it is normal to judge and/or criticize others. But this is not only wrong but also implies that we are investing our focus on something that doesn’t, and will never promote us. We normally judge others based on what we’ve either been told about them, subconscious bias–if they are different from us, or if they intimidate us. We find a way to judge them–which means making conclusions about them without enough evidence. People are also so accustomed to criticizing others and constantly identifying what they believe is wrong with them. This turns into abuse if one is doing it often and doesn’t change even when you bring it to their attention.

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  1. Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone hits, pushes or engages in any forceful physical activity that causes you discomfort or bodily pain. Note that one time is more than enough times for you to walk away—and trust me on this one.

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Why do we Stay in Abusive Relationships?

In this video, I share 6 reasons that I believe you will relate to. I also share a simple yet powerful tip that will help you get out of any abusive relationship.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/DbV-AcxtN5k

What next?

  1. Firstly, thanks for visiting my blog. Please follow me so that you get periodical blogs on personal development and inspiration.
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If you are in need of a transformational coach and counselor, please contact me at tapthegood@gmail.com

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA, is a published author, transformational coach, counselor and professional speaker. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthgood.com.

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10 Things To Do When You Feel Frustrated With Life


Frustrate

Although there are many reasons that incite our frustrations, the main reasons are founded on two major factors: money and relationships.

We get frustrated because we either don’t have money, we are losing money or money is not coming in as expected. We also get frustrated because of the people we deal with: especially because we are all different and view the world from a diverse perspective.

One thing I have learned is that the factors that promote our negative emotions, plus the negative emotions are not as crucial in influencing our emotional well-being as our perception about them. As such, my intention is to share 10 tips that you can use to get out of a frustrated mood regardless of the foundation of your frustrations. Remember,  it is not what happens to us that impacts our lives; it’s how we perceive whatever happens.     

  1. Move

By moving, I mean, changing your physicality. Do yoga, dance, go for a walk, exercise: the idea is to get your body moving. Once your body is moving, your brain will change its focus from the frustration to whatever you are doing.

move

“The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability; most often it’s the state that your mind and body is in.” – Tony Robbins

Note that emotion is created by motion. In other words, emotions are linked to movement in our bodies. Observe your posture when you are happy, as opposed to when you are sad — or what you look like when you are angry, versus when you are elated.

  1. Listen To Inspirational Or Upbeat Music.

I understand that sometimes when you are feeling frustrated or sad you don’t have the guts to listen to anything. But if you are so sick and tired of feeling negative you will do whatever it takes to feel better. Some of the songs I listen to when I’m sad include, but are not limited to the following:

  • The Storm is Over – R Kelley

  • A New Day Has Come – Celine Dion

  • Roar – Katy Perry

  • Departed (Right Here) – Brandy

  • I look to You – Whitney Houston

  • I’m Your Angel – Celine Dion and R Kelly

  • When You Believe – Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

  • Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson

  • One Step at a Time – Jordan Sparks

Note that it is important to spend time making your own list.

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         3. Clean

Cleaning your space has a magical way of making you feel better. As you clean, your mind goes into the cleaning mood.  As such, you implicitly clean the frustration from your mind.

Clean

  1. Imagine receiving $1 Million in your bank account; make a list of how you would spend it.

Imagine

  1. Cook

Just go into your kitchen and concoct recipes regardless of what you are cooking. The process will definitely help you divert your mind from the frustration.

Cook

  1. Change your furniture around. Don’t try to be perfect. Just change things around in whichever way you want.

    Change furniture

  1. Go window shopping 

    Window-Shopping

  1. Meditate.       

meditatin

  1. Volunteer

This will help you realize how blessed you are.

    Volunteer

  1. Make big plans.

Just make plans without worrying about the resources required to realize them. Make plans as you focus on the things you want to manifest in your life—imagining that there are no obstacles that can hinder you from achieving your goals.

make big plans

Conclusion:

Remember that the difference between where you are emotionally or mentally, and where you want to be, is only a decision away. Once you decide to change your mind about anything, you have literally embarked on a profound journey of getting to your desired destination.

Reading self-help books is also another vital tip that will help infuse your mind with self-improvement–which is a good thing. You may want to check out my book: Do Not Force It, Tap The Good – Link – https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

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Love and light.

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PH.D, MBA, is a published author of 5 books, a Transformational coach, Counselor and Professional speaker. For more about her, check out her website at www.tapthegood.com