“Do you really love yourself?” asked my mother a few months ago. “Of course I do. How can you even ask such a question?” I responded. However, while alone I re-evaluated her question. Did I really truly love myself?
She asked me that question because I was complaining about a racism experience I had gone through. She urged me to focus on what was important…myself. But I didn’t really get it. I felt the need to blame the people who had racially harassed me. I felt entitled to continue pointing out the wrong they had done. And although what they had done wasn’t positive, I was doing more harm to myself. I was so focused on what was wrong, what had happened in the past and how bad these people had been to me. I put my attention on what hadn’t worked and continued to re-live it even when it had happened in the past. I hurt every day. I was literally carrying emotional baggage that was weighing me down. It struck me then that I wasn’t loving myself.
So, what negative experiences/stories are you carrying around? Are you 100% focused on yourself, or you are so busy focusing on your past ? What do you focus on most of the day? What do you think about? Are your thoughts energizing or weakening? When is the last time you did something good for yourself without feeling guilty? And I am not referring to doing something nice to your car or house, impressing your boss or loved ones.
I am referring to more intimate things such as, taking a nap, listening to your favorite music without doing anything else, stretching, doing yoga, eating right, drinking 8 glasses of water daily, meditating, going for a walk, going for a random ride, closing your eyes and doing nothing, forgiving yourself and others, having a long bath, taking time to scrub your body with a beautiful body scrub (whether you are man or woman), reading a self-help book, focusing on finding out who is the one behind those beautiful eyes of yours.
Do you really love yourself? What do you allow into your mind? Who do you allow into your space? What are your inner conversations about yourself? How do you feel about yourself?
Don’t wait for Valentine’s day to love yourself, express this love to others or long to attract love. When you love yourself unconditionally and consistently, you never have to search or expect others to love you. You will know once and for all that you are enough. And most importantly, with unconditional self-love you will project the same in your experiences.
Love and light