The Art of Articulate Listening:


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One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.

 

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How Doubt Blocks us From Earning More Money


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It’s often said that getting things is easy; but believing that we can get these things is the difficult part. Doubt tends to engulf our minds consistently, which then blocks us from doing all we can to earn more money. This doubt is normally based on dwelling on past unfavorable experiences where we either didn’t earn the money we needed or we lost it.

For instance, let’s imagine that you have been working so hard to earn more money, but for some reason haven’t made it happen. Even if a new opportunity comes along, you may not believe that this opportunity will earn you money because that hasn’t been your experience. However, we also have to remember that dwelling on the past creates a similar future.

Doubt is also accelerated by the fear that our past might repeat itself in the future. In his book, The Magic in Believing, Claude Bristol explains that believing, is the link between what we want and don’t have, and having it. Once you start believing that you can get something your brain will identify ways to make it happen.

Believing creates enthusiasm. Believing fuels our focus, and positive attitude towards what we want. Believing amplifies our confidence.  

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Doubt, on the other hand retards our excitement. Doubt drains our mental and physical energies and hence weakens us.

When it comes to money, doubt is one of the many reasons why we don’t earn more of it. Therefore, if you have a goal to earn more money, firstly be sure to release the doubt that you can’t have that money. If you don’t have faith, pretend you do, and soon or later you will start believing. You can also mentally go back to a time when you didn’t believe that you could realize a goal, but did. This memory will be a kind reminder that you can actually achieve what you want if you put in the work and get your vibration in congruence with your desire.

In this video, I use the magical tools of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to resolve all doubt towards earning more money.

I suggest that you do the exercise every day, for 7 days.

In the interim, thank you for visiting my blog. Please subscribe. And if you haven’t checked out my YouTube channel, here’s the link where you can subscribe. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqdoCgt0iLCT8gBAnXg-HGQ?view_as=subscriber

Tap The Good

For all your spiritual counseling, and life coaching needs, please contact me at http://www.tapthegood.com/contact/

 

Are You 100% Free to Be What You Want to Be?


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Some philosophers have argued that we are not totally free to be who want to be. What we think is freedom is merely being free to express ourselves as predetermined by our earlier and continuous programming. Due to the fact that being free means being happy and content with wherever and whatever one is, we tend to mistake settling for what is available, for authentic contentment. We forget that if we are unaware of other realities we have nothing to compare with. As such we regard our present reality as the real deal. Furthermore, because we are deeply programmed to believe and be a certain way, we conclude that this is the best we can be or do. We settle for beliefs  and lives that are not organically our own. 

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For instance, as I child, I was told, and I believed that if a woman rode a bike they would never get married. Because riding a bike compromised being feminine. Today, I’m still struggling to learn how to ride a bike–upon discovering that getting married has nothing to do with riding a bike. 🙂 
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That’s one of many beliefs that I was exposed to as a child, and I have had to examine, question and change my beliefs every so often in order to discover if they are regressing or progressing me.

The question is: Which of your beliefs are promoting your life?

Note that it takes more than wishful thinking to examine all our beliefs in order to originate beliefs and ways of living that are organically our own. Note that everytime someone starts questioning the general status quo, they are isolated, rejected if not killed. They are thrown out of the crowd. Think about people like, Martin Luther King, Jr, Jesus, the Christ–to mention a few.

So, if you want to create a reality that is organically your own, you have to step away from the crowds, follow your bliss and inner guidance, question everything, be open to everything, yet attached to nothing. You also have to be willing to be alone in order to find your authentic-self.  However, the benefits are inexhaustible. 

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In this video, I discuss this concept in detail. 

Link to VIDEO – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNgNA0oyGHM

Please share your thoughts. 

If you are seeking for a spiritual speaker to speak about “What it Means to be Free”, or  a counselor/coach who will work with you in examining your current reality and creating an organic one based on your authentic-self, please send me an email at tapthegood@gmail.com

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana.Ph.D., MBA, is a Spiritual Counselor, Transformational Coach, Published author and Professional speaker. For more about her, visit http://www.tapthegood.com

The Impact of Perception:


The way one perceives a situation has direct impact on future experiences. Our interpretation of our experiences is a mapping of the beliefs that we profoundly established at some point in the past.

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A very common perception among “unconscious creators” is that you perceive things the way you do because that is the way things are. Why would I refer to this as a “perceived truth” and not “Higher Truth?” Because the “Higher Truth” is that things are the way they are because of how you “perceive” them to be.

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Therefore, in reality, perception is merely an individualized awareness based on a belief that you have established. If the belief is flawed or self-limiting, the perception that you hold with regard to the belief held will be flawed and self-limiting as well. And the results that you experience will correlate precisely with what you “perceive” to be true.

The power of perception will attempt to show you in the simplest and easiest way to understand how important it is to see all that you encounter and experience in your life, regardless of how it may appear at the time.  Life unfolds precisely as you “perceive” that it will, and serves as a means of growth which is designed to enable you to fully-experience it based on the most precious gift that you could have ever been given…your inalienable right of free will.

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Unfortunately, many times perceptions can lead to unpleasant or uncomfortable experiences.  Yet still, during these times it is important for us to perceive the discomfort as an obliteration of the current situation, in order to give way for something new and probably better. There is always a lesson to be learned, something to be discovered and maybe bring us back to the path of truth, real truth – the reality to be precise.

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In reality, there exists no such thing as an “untruth.” However, there does exist lower truths and higher truths; and your choice of which of these you choose to utilize does make it the truth which unfolds in your life, just as you believe it will.

Quick question: What do you perceive as something that is holding you back? How much mental and emotional power are you giving it?? Please contemplate on this question for the rest of the week.

 

Do not Force it, Tap The Good, is a book that details the causes of our perceptions and how we can change them to witness better experiences in love. Check it out at http://www.tapthegood.com or http://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

Love and light

Jacinta Mariah

http://www.tapthegood.com