The Art of Articulate Listening:


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One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.

 

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How Language Can Trigger Discriminatory Behavior


Diversity

One of the ways through which we make others feel discriminated is by the things we say, and/or how we say them. At times we might say certain things without even intending to offend others. However, if we say these things to someone who has already been discriminated or one who is aware of implied bias, we might trigger discriminatory and/or resentful behavior.

“The art of communication is the language of leadership.” – James Humes

Let me explain.

         “Our language is the reflection of ourselves. A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.” – Cesar Chavez

Let’s imagine that you are the only white man/woman in a large group of black people. In that scenario, it is very clear that you are the odd-man out. You definitely stand out in that crowd. Furthermore, everyone in the group recognizes this fact although they don’t say it. However, let’s imagine that someone in the group addresses you as, “Hey white man/woman, what have you been up to?” How would you feel? If you’ve never experienced discrimination you might deem this as funny. However, let’s imagine that you’ve been racially discriminated in the past, how would this statement make you feel? Chances are that you will feel uncomfortable. You will feel isolated. You will immediately develop a resentful attitude to protect yourself from any possible negative experiences with group. If you are not strong enough, you will walk away from the group. They may call you sensitive, but the fact is the person who referred to you as “white” was insensitive or maybe unaware of how language can promote discriminatory behavior.

How can we prevent this from happening?

    “A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” – William Arthur Ward

We can all be conscious of what we say, and think before we speak. In a group with people who are different from us, we should make sure that we do not use words that isolate the minority. We should avoid calling others by their skin color, race or religious background. For instance, we should never call someone by using statements such as, “White man/woman, black person, and African man/woman, Muslim or Christian.”

There might be incidents where the minority do not understand what the majority are saying because of a common slung used in that race, social class or religious group. We should then explain what we mean without coming off as being more intelligent.

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These are very simple tips but if ignored can be the foundation of discriminative tendencies, or resentment. Remember, language can create or destroy. Therefore we must be cautious about what we say. We must be kind to each other considering that although we are different, we are like apples and oranges: although they are different, they are all fruits. Likewise, we are all humans.

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Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA is a Counselor, Transformational Coach, published author and professional speaker who speaks on the subject of Diversity. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthegood.com. orhttps://speakerhub.com/speaker/dr-jacinta-mpalyenkana?b=s

3 Proven Tips to Sustain a Healthy Relationship


HealthyRelationships

Did you know that one of the main factors that impact our emotions is problematic relationships? For the most part, every problem that we experience is related to another person. Therefore, managing relationships, or identifying which relationships work, is vital to sustaining emotional health.

In this VIDEO, I, and my co-host, Jay, discuss three proven tips that will sustain a healthy relationship.

Please click HERE to access the video.

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Remember, the first relationship that you have to deal with in order to be successful at other relationships is the relationship with yourself.

Looking for a good book to facilitate your emotional advancement? Check out, Do not Force it, Tap the Good: How to Tap Into One’s Infinite Intelligence, Develop a Profound Positive Mindset, and Live Life on his/her Terms. 

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Jacinta Mpalyenkana, is a Transformational Coach, Counselor and Empowerment Speaker. To learn more about her services, please check out her website at http://www.tapthegood.com

 

 

3 Psychological techniques to Achieve Consistent Business Success


Are you a business owner?

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Do you find yourself struggling with making progress for yourself, and/or business?

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The problem might be that you are not considering the most important asset of your business; YOU.

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Many business people focus so much on the techniques and strategies to run their businesses but ignore the most important asset…themselves. Jim Rohn indicated that success for any project is based on 80% psychology, and 20% technique. Psychology is about how our minds work.

Have you ever found yourself having all the resources you need such as time, money, and other assets to get started on a project yet for some reason fail to start? That has everything to do with your psychology: how your mind works, why, when and how you make decisions—among other things.

Below are three tips to consider in order to include yourself in your business, and I mean inclusion of the self–to emphasize.

1. Examine your thought process. What do you think about yourself? What do you think about your business? Why are you pursuing that business in the first place? If you were on sale in a market place, would you buy yourself?

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2. Examine how, when and why you make decisions. What inspires you to make decision?

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3. Identify your fears. Take some time to contemplate on your fears. What are you afraid of? Why are you afraid? Do you have evidence to support your fears? What are you basing your fears on? For instance, if you are afraid that your business might not succeed, what are you basing this fear on? What happened in the past that has got you to this mental state? Are you taking action? If not why?

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If you take time to contemplate on the preceding issues, I guarantee that you will discover a few things about yourself that you might want to change or upgrade.

I also recommend that you get my book, Communicating Your Way to Success; Master the Art of Persuasion, Increase Sales, and Stand Out from the Crowd. The book shares an entire detailed interactive chapter about selling yourself to you. In this chapter, the above tips are elaborated on, and more.

Interested in personalized personal/business coaching? Visit my website at http://www.tapthegood.com and sign up for a complimentary 15 mins’ discovery session.

Remember, nothing happens if nothing moves. Take the step to consider yourself as an important asset to you, your family and business which is when consistent success will become inevitable.

Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

How to Influence and Captivate an Audience:


Audience

So many people begin with their own agendas as they communicate. Since they normally have something to say or prove, they deliver their messages without considering the person they are communicating with.

More often than not, they simply broadcast their message, as they assume that people will think it is the most important information in the world. On the other hand, good communicators know that people won’t start listening unless they connect intellectually and emotionally. The idea is to know your audience and start by conveying an emotional anecdote that shows your common perspective.

But how do you start?

In this article, I share two tips that will get you started.

  1. Know yourself.

         know yourself

Dig deep to establish what makes you feel good about yourself, your confidence and self-esteem levels, your core message, and objectives. Remember that if you feel good about yourself, and your message, this will show in the way you deliver the message, and ultimately influence the reactions from your target audience.

  1. Know your audience.

Know your audience

Before you address your audience, take time to find out the general attributes they share. For instance: if your target audience is a business oriented community, find out whether they are small business owners or employed; if they are just starting out as business owners, or already established; what their major challenges are; the dominant sex in the audience, etc. Although people’s interests and expectations in an audience vary, do the best you can to find out their commonalities and formulate your presentation with that information in mind.

Have I caught your attention?

Stay tuned to learn more about my newest book – Communicating Your Way to Success: Master the Art of Persuasion, Positively Influence Others, Increase Sales, and Stand Out from the Crowd” soon to be published by the end of August 2015.

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor / Success Coach

www.tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com

How Powerful Are Your Words?


Joel Osteen once stated, “You can change your world by changing your words. Remember, life and death, are in the power of words.”

The power of words

Print and electronic communication emphasizes the former statement due to the fact that, in the communication process, words are written and presented for future reference. This presents a lot of evidence that could destroy or liberate not only business owners but also the world in general. Documents written centuries ago have been a point of reference for major disputes and wars in the world today. On the other hand, printed material in form of books has been used to educate, inspire and change mindsets of the world. This very fact presents a threat, rather than something to celebrate, on the possible dangers that print and/or electronic communications can create. Considering that spoken and unrecorded words or conversations can be easily forgotten, printed material, if not discarded, can exist as long as time itself.

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It’s hence vital for business owners to pay close attention to their non-personal communication structures in order to avoid possible dangers and, most importantly, transfer their messages and achieve their objectives.

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Carol Burnett, an American actress, comedian, and singer, once stated that: “Words once printed, have a life of their own.” Today the number of businesses that lose millions of dollars due to bad communication structures is limitless.

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Question:

Do you have a structured sales pitch that you can tweak to match your target audiences? I’m talking about that message that introduces you to your audience and elicits interest in them for you, and your business in just a few words. Regardless of your answer to the preceding question, I encourage you to take advantage of my 30 minutes’ complimentary session where I will help you design a captivating sales pitch or evaluate the one you have–if you do. 

Love and Light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D. MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor, Success Coach

http://tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com