Turning Fear Into Confidence – With an NLP Session


Brain 1

Fear is normally projected to inspire us to choose whether to flee to fight. Depending on what has triggered the fear, it’s up to us to choose which feelings to generate after the fear is triggered.

In this NLP session, I deal with a belief of not being good enough, as the source of the triggered fear. Then, I employ a simplified version of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) to dissipate the fear and turn it into confidence.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/oZ4vcUXR6a8

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Please go through the session everyday for as long as it takes you to feel more confident.

If you have questions, please leave them in the comments section below.

Happy holidays

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

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It’s Okay to Do YOU: Things we do because Others do Them.


road less traveled

Many experiences are responsible for our conditioning, and some of these include but are not limited to the following: religion, childhood memories, parental guidance or non-guidance, school programming and societal programming. Up until 7 years we are like soft sponges that take in and believe everything we expose our senses to, as the truth.

At that point, our analytical skills are still immature to choose what’s good or bad. And even when we get hurt physically or emotionally we don’t really relate those experiences to other mental conditions, because we don’t have a lot of data/information in form of experiences to associate our pain with. That’s the very reason why most kids are able to bounce quickly from crying or sadness, to laughing or playing.

Authentic you

If we are lucky, some programming, conditions us to be flexible, make our own choices and find our unique paths. If we are unlucky we get conditioned to do as others do because then we are certain of being accepted and experiencing a sense of belonging-ness. As adults, we become exclusively stuck to the conditioning whether it serves us or not. We become rigid to our own growth. And whether we are hurting or not we choose to maintain that conditioning because it feels familiar.

Furthermore, we are social animals who tend to gravitate towards common behavior…the known. We generally follow the same social, technological, medical, and fashion trends—to mention but a few. We imitate and/or benchmark others so that we are doing the same things. We believe that it is the cool way to be. We are afraid of the isolation that we anticipate to feel if we do things our way. However, just like a pack of animals, we don’t dare to explore our own uniqueness. We play it safe because it feels safe to be like everyone else. We avoid the road less traveled because we are generally so lazy to explore and discover things on our own.

“We avoid the road less traveled because we are generally so lazy to explore and discover things on our own.”

Although without benefits, following the crowd has cons. Firstly, just like animal-packs, the behavior of crowds is predictable and consequently, manipulate-able.  And this is why we as a society buy what we don’t need, spend money we don’t have to impress people we might not even like, do what we don’t believe in, and believe that it is okay to play it safe. And why is that? It’s because the mind programmers know our common behavior and have designed environmental triggers to subliminally influence our actions for their benefit.

Some of the things that we do because other people do them include but are not limited to the following:

  1. Buying gifts/flowers/cards for our loved ones on Valentines’ Day.

Although there are quite a few stories about this day, it’s generally intended to promote love for those who are less fortunate or those or in situations in which love is ridiculed.

My concern is, why wait for Valentines Day to prove your love? What’s up with all the tension accumulated by the masses doing last minute shopping, RSVP-ing over-booked restaurants and making this day such a huge deal? Why join the chaos? What’s up with spending money that you might not even have to buy gifts and flowers just to prove a point?  Wouldn’t you agree that it’s because everyone or most people you know are doing these things?

The question is, are you doing these things to fit into society or mainly because you want to show your spouse that you truly care for them?

As a side note, did you know that approximately 150 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine’s Day the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas?

What does this mean? In my humble opinion Valentines Day has been turned into a day for businesses to make as much money as they can, selling stuff that your spouse might even never use. With that in mind, how would you celebrate your loved one differently? What’s does your authentic-self inspire you to do to let your spouse know that you care about them? Do you believe that it wouldn’t impress your spouse if you did something unique for them on days other than Valentines?

  1. Exchanging gifts/cards on Christmas day

Okay, this is an interesting one. Christmas, is intended to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Considering that Jesus Christ was, and is still considered as the Savior, in my opinion it would be more meaningful to spend the day celebrating his birthday, that’s even if he was really born on December, 25th. But that’s another story.

What would be the best way to celebrate one’s birth? Wouldn’t you agree that it would be more meaningful to either give them gifts if they were still alive, or spend time dwelling on their good acts if there are deceased? Why would we exchange gifts to celebrate someone’s birth? Do you believe that buying all these gifts for each other and eating our hearts out on Christmas day, impresses Jesus?

Furthermore, we send Christmas cards every year to our loved ones; and that’s a good thing. However, what has exchanging cards got to do with the birth or Christ? Wouldn’t you agree that we’ve been conditioned to adopt the idea of sending Christmas cards to benefit Christmas card businesses?

Be honest. Do you keep all the Christmas cards you receive every year? Do you decorate with them? If you do, then you must have a lot of space to store these cards.

How about celebrating the birth of Christ doing one of the things that he taught us? How about visiting hospitals to celebrate the birth of strangers and finding a way to give back? How about reaching out to help someone less fortunate than you are?   Just because other people send out Christmas cards every year doesn’t obligate you to do the same. I guess also the sense of guilt manipulates us to behave like others.

There are many more things that we do because others have done, or are doing them. Note that this does not only retard our mental growth, but also keeps us refined to the status-quo.

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Find your own myth.”~Rumi

Preceding, are just a few things that we do to unconsciously imitate others. However, we have to remember that it’s okay to follow our own paths. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to question everything in order to think for yourself. Life should be explored maximally. And for this to happen we have to be open to what’s more about us and the world in general. We shouldn’t be afraid of exploring different paths: because it is okay even if we try and do not get the results that we hope to get, or do not experience what we envision. Most importantly, it is not required that you fit in. Remember that those who change the world always do what’s different than what everyone else is doing. Take the chance on yourself, and stand up for what you believe in less of the environment, and people’s conditioning.

Authentic 2

“Those who change the world always do what’s different than what everyone else is doing.”

Happy Holidays.

Happy holidays

 

 

The Only Competition there is, is with YOU!


Beloved soul,

Know that you are enough, and can never compete with anyone. You are unique, and there’s only one you with your blue print. So, focus on making yourself the best you. Don’t try to compete with anyone. Compete with yourself. Be better today than you were yesterday. Even when you are in a competitive setting, focus on expressing yourself the best way you can. The rest will work out itself.

In this VIDEO, I share an empowerment message with the preceding content as the theme.

Link to the video – https://youtu.be/Y0Mjku0GUb4

Love and light

Remember, March 1st, is Global Worry-Free Day.

Coaching with Jacinta – http://www.tapthegood.com/coaching/

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How to Deal with Rejection: My Personal Story – Part 1:


Feelings of rejection are normally reflections of past events or experiences that made and still make us feel left out. We probably tried to reach out to someone and he/she ignored us. There are several reasons why we develop feelings of rejection. And for the most part, these feelings have a way of making us feel insecure. Some people develop introvert personalities to protect themselves from being rejected again. Feelings of rejection can also create frustration, anger, resentment, sadness and ultimately, isolation.

Child walking alone

In this article, I will share a personal experience about rejection, how this experience made me feel, and how a fashion-modeling instructor helped me regain my confidence. In part 2 of this article, I will then share the 4 proven tools that I utilized to liberate myself from feelings of rejection.

My Story

I didn’t grow up with my biological father. There were times when I missed him so much, so I would escape from home and go to his family with intent to bond with them.

When I was 13 years old, I remember escaping from home to go to an auntie’s home (my dad’s sister), who happened to live about 7 miles away. I found my auntie and her kids having lunch. When she saw me, she told me that I should never go back to her home: that I wasn’t needed, and in her opinion, I wasn’t part of her family. She also told me that even if they had extra food to share, she would rather throw it in the trash than give it to me. “I hate you,” she said. I asked her why she hated me, and she told me that she could never allow her kids to associate with someone as needy, ugly and poor as I was. As I walked the seven miles back home, in the scolding heat, hungry and thirsty, I cried hysterically. I felt rejected and sad. And I believe that was the day I developed a mental conclusion that I was a societal reject.

rejection

What this Experience did to me:

For many years I felt that I wasn’t good enough. At the back of my mind, I consistently heard my auntie telling me how needy, ugly and poor I was. Consequently, I lost my confidence. I didn’t feel good about myself. I concluded that no one liked me; and as a result, I isolated myself. I dropped all my friends and took refuge in reading books. And what was strange is that the kids at school and in my neighborhood also started rejecting me. Teachers would pick on me. I initiated conflicts with the few friends who stuck with me because I thought that it would be easier to break up with them sooner than later–since I was convinced that in the end, they would also reject me. I was always sad.

As of today, and after many years of studying human behavior, and psychology, I understand that since I was convinced that I would always be rejected, my brain looked for ways and experiences for me to be rejected–so that I didn’t think that I was crazy. I have also learned that whatever stories we tell ourselves, about who we are, are reflected in our experiences.

How a Fashion-modeling Instructor Helped me.

When I was 20 years old, in college, my friends persuaded me to participate in the Miss Uganda Beauty Contest. By that time, I thought I was over my auntie’s story. But the moment I went through the preliminary screening process, my auntie’s voice started mumbling at the back of my mind consistently; “You can never win; you are seriously ugly; no one will vote for you” the voice went on and on with all kinds of negative messages about what was wrong with me.  Every time we were practicing the catwalk or how to pose for pictures, I would shiver, and at times even cry. At one point I wanted to quit the contest because I was convinced that the judges would reject me at first sight. But my mother kept encouraging me to move forward.

One afternoon as we prepared for the Miss Photogenic portion of the contest, I went to the restroom, sat in one corner and started crying. Soon after, the modeling instructor came to the restroom and saw me weeping. She came and sat next to me.

“Why are you crying?” she said. I didn’t know how to explain how I felt.

“Common, tell me. Maybe I can help you.” She continued.

“I don’t think I’m good enough. I think the judges will reject me.”

“Who told you that?” She questioned.

Amidst tears, I summarized my auntie’s story.

“How long ago did your auntie tell you this nonsense?” She asked.

“About 7 years ago,” I answered.

She then held my hand and said, “Never let anyone’s perception of you determine how you should feel about yourself. You have the power to replace the bad things that people have said to you, with the good things that you want to feel about yourself.” She explained. These statements were like light bulbs in my mind. They helped me realize that in spite of what my auntie had told me, I still had the power to decide how I could feel about myself.

Rescued

The instructor helped me off the floor, quickly re-did my makeup and off to the stage, I went feeling much better about myself. And although I didn’t win the Miss photogenic contest, I felt energetic and hopeful that I would eventually love myself unconditionally. While I knew that this would take time, the instructor’s advice had laid a firm foundation for me to start changing my self-concept.

Over the years, and now as a counselor and transformational coach, I have referred to this story to continue empowering myself and also help my clients deal with rejection-related insecurities. And I always remember what Dr. Wayne Dyer once said; “it is not the snake bite that kills a person; it’s the venom.” This means that it’s not what people say to you that affect you; it’s how you interpret it.

In part 2 of this article, I will share the 4 proven tools that I used to regain my confidence and develop a healthier self-esteem.

Love and light

www.tapthegood.com

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The Most Powerful Tip to Help you Stop Worrying


Worrying is the foundation of stress. Stress is the foundation of disease and other physical complications.

In this VIDEO, I share with you a common but powerful tip to help one stop worrying. If you can practice this technique every time you catch yourself worrying, I guarantee that your mind will soon learn the new way of automatically changing your “State” and then help you to avoid worrying.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/XLNEx7HGIr8

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D. MBA

http://www.tapthegood.com

I need Your Support


Dear friends,

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The book is now available to pre-order on kindle at ONLY $0.99, paperback – $9.75 – 50% off the price. 

Please, pre-order the book either in kindle or paperback to help me become a best seller. 
 
Thank you so much in advance. I appreciate you.
 
Have a gracious day. 
 
Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D. MBA
Author, Speaker, Counselor & Success Coach
tapthegood.com
author@tapthegood.com
Ph: 818-862-1182

Can I charge More?


Many business owners struggle with decisions to increase the prices of their products or services–or even set up prices that reflect on the value that they provide.

can I charge more2

Have you ever doubted or felt uncomfortable about increasing the prices of your products or services? What has this got to do with your self-esteem and confidence?

self-esteem3

In this short video, I give a few good tips that can be helpful.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/MLVln4szh5Q

Questions:

  1. Are you struggling with setting the right price for your products or services?
  2. Do you feel uncomfortable about raising your prices to match the value that your services or products provide?

I have a resource for you. Visit my website at http://www.tapthegood.com, fill in the contact form, and you will be signed up for a 30 minutes COMPLIMENTARY session guaranteed to benefit you and your business.

Remember, nothing happens if nothing moves. It’s up to you to move. 🙂

Love and light.

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA

Author, Speaker, Success Coach

tapthegood.com