Afraid of Public Speaking? Ask the Fear….


3a355333-24bb-41a2-b460-2209f0a067bbAs I walked down the church’s isle towards the front, I could hardly breathe. Everything within me was telling me to run, scream or call my mama for refuge. My heart beat so hard and so fast and I concluded that everyone in the church was hearing it. As I pulled my legs to establish the next step I was barely taking, I felt as if something had tied my leg and hip muscles with iron chains to prevent me from moving forward. I wanted to crawl but somehow somewhere I kept walking…call it stumbling. My eyes got teary. I could hardly see. I don’t even remember how I got to the podium. The pastor handed me the microphone which I looked at as if it were a huge machete designed to cut me into pieces. I attempted to say, “Halleluya,” only to have a big drop of saliva escape out of my mouth. 

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It was the first time I spoke in public intending to promote my first book. I failed miserably. I’m not even sure how people lined up to buy the book after my mumbled speech. This must have been the making of a dead relative who loved me, an angel or God. Who knows? I don’t. 

The Moral:

I was afraid of public speaking. This experience propelled me to join the Toastmasters International organization, and their programs helped improve my communication, and public speaking skills. 

Now as a counselor, I’ve also learned that we can question our fears. 

How it Works:

Let’s imagine that you are about to give a speech. And a bunch of butterflies visit your tummy. Your nerves recognize the “visitors” and decide to fire up. You start to tremble and your breaths get shorter. What do you do? 

Here are a few tips that will help:

1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

2. Ask, “How is this fear benefiting me?” Stay still and listen for a few minutes. You will discover that this fear is only there to teach you a few lessons such as:

a. You are more than this fear because it is smaller than you and you shouldn’t be afraid of it.

b. The fear is inspiring you to improve something about your communication skills, improve your self-image/confidence, be more prepared, or improve the content you are about to share. 

Beyond that, this fear does nothing beneficial for you. If you get your mind to focus on these lessons, the fear will disperse. The problem is creating more meanings or conclusions about the fear. For instance, you could decide that the fear means you are not good enough; people will laugh at you; people will judge you. Your content sucks, etc. Once the mind comes up with such perceptions to expand on the fear, just know that they are lies: illusions created without evidence. Unless you can come up with evidence that all these things are true, then it is time to ignore your mind. Note that just because the mind says you are in danger doesn’t make it so. Remember that the mind can be full of crap and if you let it take over, it will manipulate your actions, fail you and get you to blame yourself thereafter. 

“Just because the mind says you are in danger doesn’t make it so. Remember that the mind can be full of crap and if you let it take over, it will manipulate your actions, fail you and get you to blame yourself thereafter.” 

I’m sure you want to know the book I was promoting. Here you have it. 🙂

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A Lazy man’s Way to a Stress-free Life: 10 Tools to Keep Off Stress


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Negative experiences often leave us stressed and worn out. During such times, I find it challenging to refer to any advice about how to keep off the stress. Yet I know I have to dust it off, get my lazy butt off the ground and keep moving forward. How I get up when I feel so overwhelmingly lazy and beaten up by circumstances, is another story.  

If you’ve been stressed and so lazy to give a crap about how to snap out of it, welcome to my club. I’m certain that my 10 tips to keep off stress will do just that…get your lazy stressed, beautiful behind off the ground and propel you to move forward. 

Below, are 10 things I do when I feel stressed and lazy.  I know they will help you. 

  1. Breathe. Just stop often and take long, deep breaths.
  2. Meditate (Listen to this recording for the simple meditation techniques)
  3. Eat raw food as long as it is edible. This is easy because it will save you all the trouble involved in cooking. And the benefits…..magic.
  4. Drink a lot of water. This is an inexpensive and easy way to keep hydrated. The benefits are abundant.
  5. Have long baths
  6. Go for a walk. Note that a walk is easier than a run or weight lifting. So, it should be easy to do. Right?
  7. Listen to music. Suggestion: Listen to soothing and positive music. 
  8. Avoid friendships that way you down.
  9. Set simple, short goals. Don’t overwhelm your to-do list with tasks. Keep it simple. Besides, you are so lazy to add more crap to your plate.
  10. Sleep. Just sleep as much as you can. This will rejuvenate you.

These tips are simple, yet they can help one deal with stress. For details, click on this video and listen.

 Much love, friend. 

http://www.tapthegood.com

https://www.amazon.com/Jacent-M-Mpalyenkana/e/B00JE12ELO

How We Create Insanity: An Excerpt from my upcoming book – “The Sanity Warrior”


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Insanity begins by creating stories that are delusional: delusional in the sense that we normally don’t have practical evidence of our conclusive thoughts. For instance, we predict our future based on what happened in the past, or based on stories of other people. We also base our future predictions on present experiences and conclude with certainty that our lives will manifest the same way they are manifesting now. What’s interesting is that as we engross our minds in these predictions, we develop profound beliefs about our futures, and just like magic, our futures manifest as we predicted. So, we literally create our present and future realities as we continue to emotionally and mentally visualize experiences rooted on false facts. And because we’ve been given the free-will to think and visualize as we please, we’ve also been given the power to create our realities. But we forget or neglect this truth and blame everyone and everything out of ourselves for our experiences. Yet, we create our own suffering: because suffering is a personal inner experience (call it an emotion) that we consciously or unconsciously choose to feel. 

To summarize the preceding precepts, we live insanely because we’ve forgotten who we truly are, and what we are capable of. We forget, or are never convinced that our thoughts are powerful—and that they create. We neglect that no one and nothing has power over our emotions, except our own choices. We forget the basic truth that we cannot control anyone else but ourselves. Moreover, people are always changing their approach towards everything they do. Today someone might be kind and loving, and tomorrow he/she could be rude and/or sad. The more comfortable we get with our environments and the people we deal with, the more we relax our guard and reveal what’s inside of us. What’s inside depends on the number, diversity and intensity of experiences that someone has had all their lives; the related beliefs they’ve developed about their lives, life, and the world in general, plus relationships. What’s inside each one of us is complex. Therefore, regardless of how knowledgeable anyone is in subjects like psychology and/or human behavior, he/she can never be at the same pace with what consistently influences people to perceive and act the way they do.

Unfortunately, we go about life trying to change people; blaming them for being who they are, expecting them to love and accept us for who we are; thinking that we have the power to influence their actions, and that they owe us what we want to experience. When we believe that anyone owes us what we want to experience, then we have literally given them the power to choose our experiences based on what they know. We gain this mentality when we forget or negate that we experience who are. There is nothing without perception; also implying that if you don’t perceive something that “thing” does not exist in your reality. Because perception is a projection, we perceive according to what we have already created in our inner worlds: what we believe, what we consistently think about, and the stories we’ve created.

Therefore, if you don’t perceive it, it doesn’t exist. That’s why sometimes when you are crying over something, other people could celebrate over it. And it’s because we are all different—we have different opinions. Hence, everyone is doing the best they can with the mental, emotional and spiritual resources they’ve created within themselves. This also implies that what people do is their business. It’s their idea of expression and experience. So, it is insane to stress over what people do; considering that we have a choice to perceive things as we want, or decide not to experience what we don’t want. It’s because of this gift of free-will that God awarded us that we have also created a world of sorts. Sorts, in that the experiences we all individually create are so drastically different; some are extremely pleasurable if perceived that way, and others, sorrowful. It takes more than wishful thinking to stay connected to our true nature: a nature that consistently reveals its uniqueness through the selection of our perceptions and hence experiences.

Stay tuned for the book release date….

http://www.tapthegood.com

It’s Okay to Do YOU: Things we do because Others do Them.


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Many experiences are responsible for our conditioning, and some of these include but are not limited to the following: religion, childhood memories, parental guidance or non-guidance, school programming and societal programming. Up until 7 years we are like soft sponges that take in and believe everything we expose our senses to, as the truth.

At that point, our analytical skills are still immature to choose what’s good or bad. And even when we get hurt physically or emotionally we don’t really relate those experiences to other mental conditions, because we don’t have a lot of data/information in form of experiences to associate our pain with. That’s the very reason why most kids are able to bounce quickly from crying or sadness, to laughing or playing.

Authentic you

If we are lucky, some programming, conditions us to be flexible, make our own choices and find our unique paths. If we are unlucky we get conditioned to do as others do because then we are certain of being accepted and experiencing a sense of belonging-ness. As adults, we become exclusively stuck to the conditioning whether it serves us or not. We become rigid to our own growth. And whether we are hurting or not we choose to maintain that conditioning because it feels familiar.

Furthermore, we are social animals who tend to gravitate towards common behavior…the known. We generally follow the same social, technological, medical, and fashion trends—to mention but a few. We imitate and/or benchmark others so that we are doing the same things. We believe that it is the cool way to be. We are afraid of the isolation that we anticipate to feel if we do things our way. However, just like a pack of animals, we don’t dare to explore our own uniqueness. We play it safe because it feels safe to be like everyone else. We avoid the road less traveled because we are generally so lazy to explore and discover things on our own.

“We avoid the road less traveled because we are generally so lazy to explore and discover things on our own.”

Although without benefits, following the crowd has cons. Firstly, just like animal-packs, the behavior of crowds is predictable and consequently, manipulate-able.  And this is why we as a society buy what we don’t need, spend money we don’t have to impress people we might not even like, do what we don’t believe in, and believe that it is okay to play it safe. And why is that? It’s because the mind programmers know our common behavior and have designed environmental triggers to subliminally influence our actions for their benefit.

Some of the things that we do because other people do them include but are not limited to the following:

  1. Buying gifts/flowers/cards for our loved ones on Valentines’ Day.

Although there are quite a few stories about this day, it’s generally intended to promote love for those who are less fortunate or those or in situations in which love is ridiculed.

My concern is, why wait for Valentines Day to prove your love? What’s up with all the tension accumulated by the masses doing last minute shopping, RSVP-ing over-booked restaurants and making this day such a huge deal? Why join the chaos? What’s up with spending money that you might not even have to buy gifts and flowers just to prove a point?  Wouldn’t you agree that it’s because everyone or most people you know are doing these things?

The question is, are you doing these things to fit into society or mainly because you want to show your spouse that you truly care for them?

As a side note, did you know that approximately 150 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine’s Day the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas?

What does this mean? In my humble opinion Valentines Day has been turned into a day for businesses to make as much money as they can, selling stuff that your spouse might even never use. With that in mind, how would you celebrate your loved one differently? What’s does your authentic-self inspire you to do to let your spouse know that you care about them? Do you believe that it wouldn’t impress your spouse if you did something unique for them on days other than Valentines?

  1. Exchanging gifts/cards on Christmas day

Okay, this is an interesting one. Christmas, is intended to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Considering that Jesus Christ was, and is still considered as the Savior, in my opinion it would be more meaningful to spend the day celebrating his birthday, that’s even if he was really born on December, 25th. But that’s another story.

What would be the best way to celebrate one’s birth? Wouldn’t you agree that it would be more meaningful to either give them gifts if they were still alive, or spend time dwelling on their good acts if there are deceased? Why would we exchange gifts to celebrate someone’s birth? Do you believe that buying all these gifts for each other and eating our hearts out on Christmas day, impresses Jesus?

Furthermore, we send Christmas cards every year to our loved ones; and that’s a good thing. However, what has exchanging cards got to do with the birth or Christ? Wouldn’t you agree that we’ve been conditioned to adopt the idea of sending Christmas cards to benefit Christmas card businesses?

Be honest. Do you keep all the Christmas cards you receive every year? Do you decorate with them? If you do, then you must have a lot of space to store these cards.

How about celebrating the birth of Christ doing one of the things that he taught us? How about visiting hospitals to celebrate the birth of strangers and finding a way to give back? How about reaching out to help someone less fortunate than you are?   Just because other people send out Christmas cards every year doesn’t obligate you to do the same. I guess also the sense of guilt manipulates us to behave like others.

There are many more things that we do because others have done, or are doing them. Note that this does not only retard our mental growth, but also keeps us refined to the status-quo.

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Find your own myth.”~Rumi

Preceding, are just a few things that we do to unconsciously imitate others. However, we have to remember that it’s okay to follow our own paths. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to question everything in order to think for yourself. Life should be explored maximally. And for this to happen we have to be open to what’s more about us and the world in general. We shouldn’t be afraid of exploring different paths: because it is okay even if we try and do not get the results that we hope to get, or do not experience what we envision. Most importantly, it is not required that you fit in. Remember that those who change the world always do what’s different than what everyone else is doing. Take the chance on yourself, and stand up for what you believe in less of the environment, and people’s conditioning.

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“Those who change the world always do what’s different than what everyone else is doing.”

Happy Holidays.

Happy holidays

 

 

The Power of “I am” When You Feel Defeated/Accessing Consciousness


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The power of “I am,” has been known for centuries to shift paradigms, heal wounded spirits and soothe hurting hearts.

If you feel defeated in any way, this recording will uplift you, heal your heart and remind you of how magnificent you truly are.

Listen to the recording with an open mind.

I am

Video link – https://youtu.be/a16qYzWt-FY

In the interim, please subscribe to my channel. Share the video with those who might benefit from it.

Follow me on face book at https://www.facebook.com/author.tapthegood

Remember, “Everything is nothing to an individual until they recognize and define it to be something.”

Tap The Good
http://www.tapthegood.com
Email: tapthegood@gmail.com

Is Your Job Progressing, or Retarding You?


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In school, for the most part we are programmed to believe that the only way to make it in life is to work for others. And although there’s nothing wrong with being employed, the danger is when we either don’t earn what we deserve or don’t ask for what we deserve because we don’t feel worthy.

In this short video, I share a few insights to inspire you to recognize your worth and then act accordingly.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/Ok7e06h7J5s

Please remember to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Leave comments if you felt inspired or have questions

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For all your counseling and transformational coaching needs check out, http://www.tapthegood.com/counseling/

5 Steps to Get Out of a Financial Dilemma


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Have you ever found yourself with no money and no idea about what you are going to do to get back up?

Let’s also imagine that you have bills piling and waiting for you to pay.

Let’s further imagine that you lost your job or your business collapsed and you’ve tried everything you can to get a job or business back up and nothing seems to work.

What do you do?

Question

Well, I have been there, done that and I know exactly how it feels to be financially handicapped and hopeless. Yet at the end of it all I realized that what was stressing me out was either what I wished things should have been, or shouldn’t have been, and not necessarily what things really were or meant. Since, for every disappointment I have experienced, I soon discover that it was a blessing in disguise. That aside, I have followed the following steps to get me out of the hard times.

Step 1: Tame Your Mind

Dont wake to be perfect

 

The first thing to do is to deal with your mind. You literally cannot stress over your situation because if you do, things will “seem” worse. “Seem,” is singled out because things are what we define them to be. If you are stressed you are definitely going to redefine the situation and add more drama in order to support your new stressing convictions.

I’m sure you know how worrying about things amplifies them. You have to refocus your mind on what you have and what you are grateful for. I know this seems easier said than done, but it is doable. And when you understand the consequences of negative thinking you will tame your mind to focus on what’s good in your life. I’m certain that you have some good things that you can focus on.

Step 2: Determine what you want and focus on it religiously.

Choices

Many times we might think that we are focusing on what we want when we are actually dwelling on whatever we don’t want. Therefore, you have to take time and examine what you want instead of the financial havoc. Do you want to pay off your bills? How much money do you want? Do you want to be financially free? How does that look like for you? Do you want to get another job or maybe revamp your business? The idea is to be very specific about what you want and then focus on it.

Step 3: Evaluate your resources.

evaluate resources

For this step, you will have to get pen and paper and examine what resources you currently have that are freely available to you. You may have to consider your skills, experiences, education, talents—or anything else that is freely available to you. Another thing to consider is your wardrobe—what you can sell in a yard sale or online. List everything down.

Step 4: Decide on which skill, talent or experience you want to turn into something that will bring in money. For instance, I am also a qualified massage therapist, and during the slow financial times I advertise my massage business because firstly, I already have the required skills plus all the tools required to run a mobile spa. I literally don’t need a lot of money to get started with acquiring clients. I reach out to my regular clients, advertise on free portals like face book, craigslist and Google; and before I know it, I have clients flocking in.  The idea is to choose a skill that won’t cost you money.

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Step 5: Take action. Once you decide on which skill you want to explore, or actions to take, take immediate action. Don’t over think things. Just go for it. Trust that things will work out. Have faith. And even if things don’t work out the first time, keep tweaking them up until they get better. Whatever you do, don’t wait to be perfect.

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Click on this link to access a powerful divine love guided meditation to uplift you – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgMpYijDTjU

Click on this link to access a short inspiration video on never waiting to be perfect. 

In my book, Do Not Force It, Tap The Good, there 3 whole chapters about making something out of nothing. I’m certain that you will benefit from the tips provided.

Tap The Good

To get the book, please click on this link. https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1534208447&sr=1-2&keywords=Do+Not+Force+It%2C+Tap+The+Good

In the interim, remember that “Loss gives us a chance for an upgrade.” Mpalyenkana

http://www.tapthegood.com