The Difference Between True Friendship and Conditional Arrangements


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“Are They Your True Friends?” This is a statement that my grandmother asked me every time I complained about my friends.

Growing up, friendship meant consistent and good communication. It was okay to pick up a phone and call a friend just for the shake of it. It was normal to call a friend and follow up on how they were doing. It was proper for friends to show up at your home, or vice-versa if they had to.

Friendship was treated as a gift, and for the most part, friends were loyal to each other. Certainly, there were betrayals, gossip and falling out, but when someone was a true friend you rested assured that you could rely on each other.

Nothing more prized than friendship

What are Conditional Arrangements?

Of late friendships are more of conditional arrangements. The people you refer to as friends will only communicate if they want something from you. A few years ago I had a “friend” who was pursing a doctorate, and she was very consistent in communicating when she needed my help. She responded to all my text messages almost instantly and was always available. When she completed her doctorate, our friendship went on a down spiral. She started communicating less. At one point, I invited her for my annual seminar, and sent her three emails as reminders. But she neither responded nor showed up. Yet, I had supported her whenever she needed me. With time, every time I texted her she wouldn’t respond for days, and sometimes, weeks. And her texts became shorter and even rude. So, I realized that it was time for me to step aside and let her be.

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People in conditional arrangements seem to be so busy for friendships. A few characteristics of conditional arrangements include but are not limited to the following:

  1. When you text or call someone and they don’t call you back in at least a week, and with a viable reason why they didn’t respond immediately, you are just a colleague. I know that sometimes life gets in the way, and we all get extremely busy. However, if you truly value a friendship you will find a way to get back to them sooner than later.
  2. If they hurt you and don’t apologize, it is a conditional arrangement. They don’t really care if you leave or stay. They literally take you for granted.
  3. If they don’t keep their word it is a conditional arrangement. If someone hurts you, and maybe apologizes but hurts you again in the same way, it is a conditional arrangement. True friendship is based on integrity.
  4. If they gossip about you it is a conditional arrangement. Gossip is normally based on fear, envy, competition or jealousy. Those attributes do not consistent true friendship.
  5. If you feel as if you are forcing the friendship, when you are the initiator of all your interactions, it is not true friendship.
  6. If you are always supporting them and they don’t support you, it is a conditional arrangement.

Note that although unconditional friendships do not expect anything in return, everyone in the relationship gives 100%.

  1. If they walk away in the midst of your challenges, they aren’t true friends. A true friend will always be there for you regardless of how challenged you may be.
  2. A true friend will never judge you. They will accept you as you are and will never attempt to change you. They won’t try to force you to do or be something you don’t believe in. They will respect your opinions and although they may not always agree with you, they won’t disregard you just because you are not on the same page.

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In general, of late, people seem to be so engrossed in their own lives that they don’t have time to invest in friendships. And I believe it is also because we are all afraid and suspicious of each other. We aren’t sure about other people’s intentions. This might be based on the fact that we’ve been betrayed severally by those we have deemed as friends. Consequently, we build huge impenetrable walls around us to prevent others from connecting with us. However, although we remain safe in our protective cocoons we miss out on how true friendships can benefit us.

The rules of true friendship also applies for relatives. Just because someone is your relative doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand how to be friends with you.  If someone is not friends with themselves, they will never know how to be friends with anyone else. True friendship begins from within.

Just because someone is your relative doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand how to be friends with you

The Characteristics of True Friendship:

To summarize this content, I base my concepts on Tony Robbins’ 6 core human needs of relationships.

  1. Certainty

A true friend will always make sure that you are certain of their friendship. For instance, they will be impeccable with their word. They will never lie, and if they do, it would mainly be to protect the relationship–plus they won’t lie often. Also, when you reach out to them, for the most part they will respond within a short period of time unless they are purposefully unavailable. And if they don’t respond immediately they normally get back to you as soon as they can.

  1. Variety

A true friend will be open to the variety of things or ways that can enhance a healthy relationship with you. They will also offer you a variety of options to deal with challenges when and if they occur. A true friend will offer spontaneity, excitement, surprises, and even a bit of chaos—just to keep the relationship stimulating. Note that although this core need mainly applies for lovers, a true friend will use it in ways that will keep your friendship fresh.

  1. Significance

A true friend will do things to make you feel loved, respected, celebrated, special and important. This takes someone who is also a true friend to themselves, because they will easily understand the importance of feeling significant and special. A friend will understand that when they hurt you, the way you feel matters more than what you did. They won’t try to justify their actions and ignore your feelings. They will acknowledge your feelings, apologize and then justify their actions. They will seek to be kind instead of right.

A true friend will do things to make you feel loved, respected, celebrated, special and important.

  1. Love and Connection:

This core need, is self-explanatory. It calls for respect, trust, integrity, consistence and good communication.

  1. Growth:

A true friend will always encourage you to grow. They will support your growth plans.

  1. Progress:

True friendship calls for progress. Note that if you are not progressing you are literally dying. A true friend will always push or support you to progress. They will be there when you feel stuck and will do whatever they can to help you get back up. And sometimes all it takes is a good listening ear without judgement.

Although the above suggestions might appear as if one is demanding so much from their friends, it takes one to know one. If one is a true friend to themselves they will understand what it takes to have and keep one.

Looking for a transformational coach and spiritual counselor? Reach out to me at tapthegood@gmail.com. For more about me, visit http://www.tapthegood.com

 

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Tired of Attracting Abusive Men? 3 Tips to Unlock The Subconscious Related- Chains


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Are you sick and tired of attracting abusive men?

You might have daddy issues. Read on!!

It is not only biologically vital but also spiritually imperative to grow up with our parents, mom and dad, or the equivalent, for us to develop and sustain positive-infused mindsets. Although overlooked, without both your parents in the picture as a child, you are bound to search for whoever was missing in the people you meet in your adult life. And that can be very frustrating.

Note that one is also impliedly psychologically and emotionally abused if their father or father figure was always absent in their younger days.

In this article, you will identify one of the problems created by not having a father figure or having an abusive one, and learn three simple techniques that will liberate you from this problem in order to develop healthier relationships with the men in your life.

The Problem:

Without a father figure in your life, you miss out on the security and comfort that a father figure provides (especially one with a healthy mind). A father is literally the first adult male you are introduced to, or is supposed to be introduced to when you are born. As such, he represents men in general and especially how men relate or should relate to women. Your father introduces you to the first standards that you believe every man should possess. If you saw your father treating your mom with respect, you tend to attract or choose men who understand how to treat a woman with respect.

If especially you witnessed your father abusing you or any other members of your family and never stopped abusing them, and/or never apologized, chances are that you have subconscious anger that’s not only directed towards your father, but all men.  The consequences are that you will continue unconsciously seeking out men with behaviors similar to your dad with hope that they might abuse you and then apologize to make up for what your father didn’t do. However, even if you attract men who are apologetic for abusing you, they will not compensate for your father’s abuse. Therefore, you will continue seeking for abusive men, over and over again until you deal with your early father-figure programming.

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The Solution:

Note that the tips I share below are not exhaustive of all the techniques and tools that you can employ to heal your early negative father-programming.

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Take time and write all your early father negative experiences, or no-father negative experiences. Be as detailed as possible. To guide you, you can answer the following questions:

  1. What exactly happened?
  2. Who was there?
  3. What did your father do, didn’t do, or should have done?
  4. In case you didn’t have a father figure as a child, how did this make you feel?
  5. How did those experiences make you feel about your father and men in general?
  6. How did these experiences make you feel about yourself?

Re-examine all the related feelings about yourself that were developed because of your earlier father/no father negative programming

Go through this simple EFT and Ho’oponopono to stop attracting abusive relationships session 

Click HERE to access the video recording.

If you want more, order the Daddy Issues Meditation CD from http://tapthegood.com/spiritualservices/

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Or buy my book (Love, Men and Money: How to Attract and Retain them) with detailed EFT and counseling scripts at www.tapthegood.com/books/ or from Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Love-Men-Money-Attract-Retain/dp/1480094897/

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Or sign up for my complimentary 30 minutes consultation session to set up counseling sessions that are guaranteed to help you take your power back from the negative past in order to live life on your terms.

Click HERE to sign up.

Dr. Jacinta Mpa, Ph.D., MBA, is a published author, counselor and transformational coach. For more about her, visit www.tapthegood.com.

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel to take advantage of the complimentary counseling or coaching videos – http://www.youtube.com/user/MsJacent

Twitter – @cinta_mcinta

LinkedIn – http://www.linkedIn.com/drjacintampalyenkana/

Face book – https://www.facebook.com/tapthegood/

3 Proven Tips to Sustain a Healthy Relationship


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Did you know that one of the main factors that impact our emotions is problematic relationships? For the most part, every problem that we experience is related to another person. Therefore, managing relationships, or identifying which relationships work, is vital to sustaining emotional health.

In this VIDEO, I, and my co-host, Jay, discuss three proven tips that will sustain a healthy relationship.

Please click HERE to access the video.

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Remember, the first relationship that you have to deal with in order to be successful at other relationships is the relationship with yourself.

Looking for a good book to facilitate your emotional advancement? Check out, Do not Force it, Tap the Good: How to Tap Into One’s Infinite Intelligence, Develop a Profound Positive Mindset, and Live Life on his/her Terms. 

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Jacinta Mpalyenkana, is a Transformational Coach, Counselor and Empowerment Speaker. To learn more about her services, please check out her website at http://www.tapthegood.com

 

 

EFT Session to Get Unstuck From an Abusive Relationship


Do you feel stuck in a relationship that makes you feel like buying a big rope and tying it around your neck?

In this EFT RECORDED SESSION, I take you through a process to release your grip on any abusive relationship you may be involved in–whether it’s a job, friendship or love.

LINK to video – https://youtu.be/_zlrg7jBNh8

Freedom

If there are any issues that you would like me to deal with using EFT, psychology or Hooponopono, please include the details in the comments.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA

http://www.tapthegood.com

How to Improve a Mother-Daughter Relationship.


As a counselor and personal coach, one of the issues that I occasionally help my clients with is to improve their relationships with their parents and/or daughters. In this article, I share 5 tips that can help improve a mother-daughter relationship.

 1. Be Proactive

Don’t wait for the other person to make the first move. If you have any issues to discuss, make the move. Think about how you feel in the relationship and what you can do to change.

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  1. Work on improving yourself.

Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. However, we can all individually take full responsibility of our actions and reactions and improve our thought processes in such a way that makes us feel good about ourselves

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  1. Have realistic expectations.

Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. For instance, kids commonly think their mom will be nurturing and present — always. This idea can develop from an early age. As a daughter, remember that your mom also has her own life and issues to deal with. Be empathetic: and the same goes for mothers.

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  1. Communicate.

Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. In some ways they can be so close or feel so close that they believe that each of them should know how the other one feels. It’s vital to know that complaining disrupts the message. When there is conflict, explain what was done and how it made you feel. It is not about blaming the other person or giving them titles. It is about focusing on your personal feelings about their actions or words and being as clear as possible. After explaining, it is important to give the other person time to explain. Most times you will discover that they didn’t even mean to hurt you.

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  1. Be an active listener.

Active listening is reflecting back what the other person is saying, instead of assuming you already know. When you reflect back to what your mom or daughter is saying, you’re telling her that she’s being heard and that you understand.

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If you utilize these tips whenever conflict arises, chances are that your relationship will be healthier than if you just keep quiet and don’t communicate your concerns.

Need help with your family relationships? Send me an email at www.tapthegood.com/contacts/ I can help.

Love and light.

http://www.tapthegood.com

Being Treated Like You are Not Good Enough?


Do you feel like people treat you less of who you are?

Are you at a job where you don’t feel appreciated?

Are you in a relationship where you are working so hard to be appreciated but still feel demeaned?

Are you in a partnership that makes you feel bad about yourself?

Do you want to live life on your terms?

Watch this video – https://youtu.be/0spM7VXhrB8

Looking for a good book to read this holiday season? A book that will uplift and inspire you?

Get your copy of Do Not Force It, Tap The Good today 

Link to the book in audible, paperback and kindle – http://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098/

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Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

Are you Lonely??


  1. Have you tried searching for love in all the places you can, but failed to find it?worried-woman-288x260
  2. Do you attract the same douche-bags in your life?

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3.    Do you end up attracting the same partner who makes you feel like committing suicide?

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I have been there. It took years before I could figure out what I was doing wrong. I blamed myself and the entire world for the recurring love misfortunes. With that in mind, I embarked on a long search for solutions. And today, I live with an amazing man who thinks the world of me. And I attracted this man. I realized that I had to deal with my inner world in order to create a better outer world.

Now, I have a resource for you. You are lucky that you don’t have to do the research like I did.  I have put together a healing program called The 14 Days Love Liberation Boot Camp. This program digs deep to deracinate the root causes of emotional baggage, and other underlying issues that block true unconditional love. In this program you will benefit the following.

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  • Clean all your 7 chakras through guided meditations and EFT – the Emotional Freedom Technique – Value of $225

  • Heal Daddy Issues if you have any – a Value of $95

  • Heal the Unconscious mind from old negative programming –  a Value of $95

  • Go through the Forgiveness Meditation – a Value of $45

  • Go through the Super Love Manifestation Guided Meditation- a Value of $67

  • And much more.

 The normal price of the Program is $302

Today for a limited time only –until March 31st, the program is priced at a 50% discount of $147

Get your program at http://tapthegood.com/meditations/ 

The program is accessible from the first column of the page.

The time to ACT is NOW!!

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mariah, Ph.D, MBA

Author, Speaker, Success Coach / Counselor

TapTheGood.com