6 Reasons Why We Stay in Abusive Relationships


To begin, what are abusive relationships?

Certainly, the answer is relative and depends on the way we individually develop our personal standards. Culture also has a lot to do with what is regarded as abusive and what is not. 

In this article, I share a generalized view of the different and common forms of abuse, and the reasons we stay in abusive relationships.

What are the different forms of abuse?

The list below includes some common forms of abuse although it is not exhaustive of what abuse can be.

  1. Saying Lies About You

When someone says a lie about you, they have abused your persona. They are probably jealous of you or just want to make themselves feel good by putting you down. Another reason why people lie about others is that they want all the attention to be directed at them. For the most part, they are insecure and don’t really feel good about themselves. They believe that by lying about you, others will turn their attention away from their weaknesses and focus on yours.

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  1. Lying to You

When someone repeatedly lies to you, they firstly do not respect themselves, and the same goes for you or anyone else. Remember, we generally treat others the way we treat ourselves. Most importantly, someone lying to you is a form of abuse. They abuse your intellect by lying.

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  1. Verbal Insults

This is self-explanatory. When someone insults you by either calling you rude names, making negative comments about your self-image, your intellect, or criticizing the way you do things, they are abusing you. I appreciate that at times someone might say negative things to you because they are going through their own drama and aren’t nice to anyone especially to themselves. But if one insults you more than once they have abusive tendencies. 

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  1. Judgment and criticism

We believe it is normal to judge and/or criticize others. But this is not only wrong but also implies that we are investing our focus on something that doesn’t, and will never promote us. We normally judge others based on what we’ve either been told about them, subconscious bias–if they are different from us, or if they intimidate us. We find a way to judge them–which means making conclusions about them without enough evidence. People are also so accustomed to criticizing others and constantly identifying what they believe is wrong with them. This turns into abuse if one is doing it often and doesn’t change even when you bring it to their attention.

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  1. Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is when someone hits, pushes or engages in any forceful physical activity that causes you discomfort or bodily pain. Note that one time is more than enough times for you to walk away—and trust me on this one.

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Why do we Stay in Abusive Relationships?

In this video, I share 6 reasons that I believe you will relate to. I also share a simple yet powerful tip that will help you get out of any abusive relationship.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/DbV-AcxtN5k

What next?

  1. Firstly, thanks for visiting my blog. Please follow me so that you get periodical blogs on personal development and inspiration.
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If you are in need of a transformational coach and counselor, please contact me at tapthegood@gmail.com

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Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA, is a published author, transformational coach, counselor and professional speaker. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthgood.com.

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The Only Competition there is, is with YOU!


Beloved soul,

Know that you are enough, and can never compete with anyone. You are unique, and there’s only one you with your blue print. So, focus on making yourself the best you. Don’t try to compete with anyone. Compete with yourself. Be better today than you were yesterday. Even when you are in a competitive setting, focus on expressing yourself the best way you can. The rest will work out itself.

In this VIDEO, I share an empowerment message with the preceding content as the theme.

Link to the video – https://youtu.be/Y0Mjku0GUb4

Love and light

Remember, March 1st, is Global Worry-Free Day.

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How to Deal with Rejection: My Personal Story – Part 1:


Feelings of rejection are normally reflections of past events or experiences that made and still make us feel left out. We probably tried to reach out to someone and he/she ignored us. There are several reasons why we develop feelings of rejection. And for the most part, these feelings have a way of making us feel insecure. Some people develop introvert personalities to protect themselves from being rejected again. Feelings of rejection can also create frustration, anger, resentment, sadness and ultimately, isolation.

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In this article, I will share a personal experience about rejection, how this experience made me feel, and how a fashion-modeling instructor helped me regain my confidence. In part 2 of this article, I will then share the 4 proven tools that I utilized to liberate myself from feelings of rejection.

My Story

I didn’t grow up with my biological father. There were times when I missed him so much, so I would escape from home and go to his family with intent to bond with them.

When I was 13 years old, I remember escaping from home to go to an auntie’s home (my dad’s sister), who happened to live about 7 miles away. I found my auntie and her kids having lunch. When she saw me, she told me that I should never go back to her home: that I wasn’t needed, and in her opinion, I wasn’t part of her family. She also told me that even if they had extra food to share, she would rather throw it in the trash than give it to me. “I hate you,” she said. I asked her why she hated me, and she told me that she could never allow her kids to associate with someone as needy, ugly and poor as I was. As I walked the seven miles back home, in the scolding heat, hungry and thirsty, I cried hysterically. I felt rejected and sad. And I believe that was the day I developed a mental conclusion that I was a societal reject.

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What this Experience did to me:

For many years I felt that I wasn’t good enough. At the back of my mind, I consistently heard my auntie telling me how needy, ugly and poor I was. Consequently, I lost my confidence. I didn’t feel good about myself. I concluded that no one liked me; and as a result, I isolated myself. I dropped all my friends and took refuge in reading books. And what was strange is that the kids at school and in my neighborhood also started rejecting me. Teachers would pick on me. I initiated conflicts with the few friends who stuck with me because I thought that it would be easier to break up with them sooner than later–since I was convinced that in the end, they would also reject me. I was always sad.

As of today, and after many years of studying human behavior, and psychology, I understand that since I was convinced that I would always be rejected, my brain looked for ways and experiences for me to be rejected–so that I didn’t think that I was crazy. I have also learned that whatever stories we tell ourselves, about who we are, are reflected in our experiences.

How a Fashion-modeling Instructor Helped me.

When I was 20 years old, in college, my friends persuaded me to participate in the Miss Uganda Beauty Contest. By that time, I thought I was over my auntie’s story. But the moment I went through the preliminary screening process, my auntie’s voice started mumbling at the back of my mind consistently; “You can never win; you are seriously ugly; no one will vote for you” the voice went on and on with all kinds of negative messages about what was wrong with me.  Every time we were practicing the catwalk or how to pose for pictures, I would shiver, and at times even cry. At one point I wanted to quit the contest because I was convinced that the judges would reject me at first sight. But my mother kept encouraging me to move forward.

One afternoon as we prepared for the Miss Photogenic portion of the contest, I went to the restroom, sat in one corner and started crying. Soon after, the modeling instructor came to the restroom and saw me weeping. She came and sat next to me.

“Why are you crying?” she said. I didn’t know how to explain how I felt.

“Common, tell me. Maybe I can help you.” She continued.

“I don’t think I’m good enough. I think the judges will reject me.”

“Who told you that?” She questioned.

Amidst tears, I summarized my auntie’s story.

“How long ago did your auntie tell you this nonsense?” She asked.

“About 7 years ago,” I answered.

She then held my hand and said, “Never let anyone’s perception of you determine how you should feel about yourself. You have the power to replace the bad things that people have said to you, with the good things that you want to feel about yourself.” She explained. These statements were like light bulbs in my mind. They helped me realize that in spite of what my auntie had told me, I still had the power to decide how I could feel about myself.

Rescued

The instructor helped me off the floor, quickly re-did my makeup and off to the stage, I went feeling much better about myself. And although I didn’t win the Miss photogenic contest, I felt energetic and hopeful that I would eventually love myself unconditionally. While I knew that this would take time, the instructor’s advice had laid a firm foundation for me to start changing my self-concept.

Over the years, and now as a counselor and transformational coach, I have referred to this story to continue empowering myself and also help my clients deal with rejection-related insecurities. And I always remember what Dr. Wayne Dyer once said; “it is not the snake bite that kills a person; it’s the venom.” This means that it’s not what people say to you that affect you; it’s how you interpret it.

In part 2 of this article, I will share the 4 proven tools that I used to regain my confidence and develop a healthier self-esteem.

Love and light

www.tapthegood.com

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Being Treated Like You are Not Good Enough?


Do you feel like people treat you less of who you are?

Are you at a job where you don’t feel appreciated?

Are you in a relationship where you are working so hard to be appreciated but still feel demeaned?

Are you in a partnership that makes you feel bad about yourself?

Do you want to live life on your terms?

Watch this video – https://youtu.be/0spM7VXhrB8

Looking for a good book to read this holiday season? A book that will uplift and inspire you?

Get your copy of Do Not Force It, Tap The Good today 

Link to the book in audible, paperback and kindle – http://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098/

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Can I charge More?


Many business owners struggle with decisions to increase the prices of their products or services–or even set up prices that reflect on the value that they provide.

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Have you ever doubted or felt uncomfortable about increasing the prices of your products or services? What has this got to do with your self-esteem and confidence?

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In this short video, I give a few good tips that can be helpful.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/MLVln4szh5Q

Questions:

  1. Are you struggling with setting the right price for your products or services?
  2. Do you feel uncomfortable about raising your prices to match the value that your services or products provide?

I have a resource for you. Visit my website at http://www.tapthegood.com, fill in the contact form, and you will be signed up for a 30 minutes COMPLIMENTARY session guaranteed to benefit you and your business.

Remember, nothing happens if nothing moves. It’s up to you to move. 🙂

Love and light.

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA

Author, Speaker, Success Coach

tapthegood.com

Four Steps to Achieving Unconditional Self-acceptance, and Self-love:


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The media has programmed us to doubt, and hate our appearances to levels beyond comprehension. With all the naked and semi-naked pictures of super-slim celebrities meandering all over the internet, and magazines, it is almost impossible to practice self-acceptance.

It is absurd how advertisements have programmed us to dislike our physical appearances, and instead get us to seek validation and acceptance from air-brushed and artificial beings, paraded on the internet and print media. We’ve forgotten that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. And although it is imperative to maintain a healthy body weight, it is equally as important to appreciate and love ourselves unconditionally. The challenge at hand is knocking out the competition of the multi-billionaire media industry, which aggressively and robustly seeks to reprogram our minds for self-doubt. As an individual swimming in the sea of environmental negativity, it takes more than just wish-full thinking to remain positive, love and appreciate oneself regardless of physical weight, color, or height. What has worked for me, are the following four steps.

  1. Take care of yourself the best you can. Endeavor to exercise daily, eat right, and do things to make you feel good.

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  1. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and evening, and practice self-talk. It is as simple as repeating these statements:

–         I love myself unconditionally. –          I am beautiful exactly the way I am. –          I feel good about myself. –          I accept myself wholly. –          I’m unconditional love. ImageImage   ImageImageImage

  1. Surround yourself with positive-minded people who will uplift, and appreciate you for who you are.

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  1. Work on developing a healthier self-esteem by identifying the good and unique things about yourself. It also means establishing what you think your estimate is, or your self-worth–in relation to your core values, achievements and aspirations. Get a dairy and keep note of the good things you realize about yourself, and the things that you do that make you feel proud.

 

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In my book Do not Force it, Tap The Good, you will discover the detailed steps that will help you weed out any self-limiting beliefs, negative thought processes, and then assist you in developing new ways to raise your self-esteem, self-love and perpetual happiness. For more about the book, please visit www.tapthegood.com. The book is also available in audio and Kindle versions.

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  Love and Light Jacinta Mariah, PhD Author, Qualified Speaker, and Spiritual Healing Facilitator. http://www.tapthegood.com

You Are Enough


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Society has instilled a rather opaque paradigm about our dependence on external forces, or a being somewhere out there in the heavens to come to our rescue. Recent metaphysical studies continue to stress that we are connected to all of life, with all of life, and by all of life. Although a bit too much to comprehend for an everyday individual brought up in a “serious” religious environment, it is still worth contemplation. Besides, the same religious teachings indicate that the kingdom of God dwells within each of us.

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That said, it is imperative to have an open mind in order to evolve in this dynamically changing world. A stuck-up mindset is what eludes us from adapting to, and appreciating change as an important and required component of evolution.

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Moreover, ideally it’s still up to us to pray—if you may; think, and think well, raise our vibrations, make decisions and take action. Just by accepting the fact that you are enough, enough in terms of you having all you need to succeed in life, even if temporarily, empowers and inspires you to take 100% responsibility of your life. This awareness prevents one from thinking that something out of themselves is going to pop out of the sky to their rescue.

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In this article, I have included a brief EFT session to re-set your mind so as to understand that you have the power to take yourself to the next level of evolution. After the session, you will feel empowered to take action; make decisions and do things that you’ve procrastinated about for a while.  Link to video:- http://youtu.be/p5OvC1lZhIc

If you don’t have the book – Love, Men and Money: How to Attract and Retain them; this is a good time to get it. This book includes detailed and simplified scripts of EFT sessions to erase emotional baggage and limitations that could block one’s divine inspiration. You can get your long-awaiting copy from www.tapthegood.com

Love and light