The Art of Articulate Listening:


male-friendship-e1525114774298

One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.

 

Advertisements

8 Money Management Tips


Whether you are a billionaire or zero-naire, managing your money is key, to having more of it.wealth

In this article, I share 8 tips to help you manage your money more wisely.

  1. Spend Only What You’ve Earned.Spend money

Don’t use money you don’t have: such as credit cards-especially in case of emergencies.

  1. Examine Your Spending Habits.Spending habits

Take time to see what you mostly spend on and determine if you are a compulsive shopper or actually take time to budget.

  1. Make A Money Plan And Stick To It.

If you don’t have a plan then you won’t know where you are going. Remember that a plan is like a GPS that leads your way. Note that although we have to be flexible with the planning and execution of our financial needs, it is better to have a plan on how we want to spend our money.

  1. Do Not Buy What You Don’t Need.Shoping

Before you go shopping firstly make sure that you don’t already have what you are going to buy. Secondly, examine why you are buying that item in the first place. Are you buying that item to escape a reality, fill a need, and satisfy a want or simply because it is on sale? We are accustomed to buying things because they are on sale, and for the most part we don’t even need these things. Don’t let the “sales” syndrome entice you into buy what you don’t need.

  1. Always save a percentage of your money—at least 10% of all the amount you earn.    savings

  2. Pay Attention To Your Bank Balances So That You Don’t Overspend. Bank balances

  3. Think Positive Thoughts About Money. Create positive mental pictures to represent money. I-don_t-fix-my-problems.-I-fix-my-thinking-and-the-problems-fix-themselves.-1

  4. Have Jars For Your Coins. Keep all your coins and only take them into the bank once a year or every other year. After the money is counted, immediately transfer it to your savings

  5. Woman with coins in jar

I’m certain there are many more tips for managing money. However, the above tips will get you started on managing your money.

If you need to read a good book about saving money and accumulating sustainable passive income, check out my book, Do Not Force It, Tap the Book.

Kindle Ready Front Cover.3594241

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA is a published author of 5 books, a transformation coach and counselor. For more about her, please visit, http://www.tapthegood.com

love and light

My Out of Body Experience: 8 Lessons I Received that Will Change Your Life


outOn March, 17th, 2018, I experienced an out-of-the-body episode, and what was so scarily is that I was awake and it was during the day. This is one of the most stressful, painful and horrifying experiences that I have ever encountered. However, after the experience, I received 8 messages that I have included in this audio recording

Link – https://youtu.be/Ub0GWim6Sts

pexels-photo-248032.jpeg

If you don’t understand any of the messages, please send me an email at tapthegood@gmail.com and I will explain. 

I’m certain that something in these messages will spark your memory about who you truly are. 

In the interim, please share the video with your family and friends. 

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA, is a published author, Professional Speaker, Counselor and Transformational Coach. For more about her, please visit her website at http://www.tapthegood.com

YouTube channel – https://www.youtube.com/user/MsJacent

Face book – https://www.facebook.com/author.tapthegood

It is Time to Surrender – 3 Proven Psychological Steps to Help you Surrender


Are you attached to a desire or goal and finding it hard to surrender to the process?

Does your passion/desire for your goal stress you out?

Are you worried that you might not achieve your goal?

Well, maybe it is time to surrender. And to do so, I have recorded this VIDEO with 3 proven psychological tools to help you detach from your goal, and instead focus on the goals as you also enjoy every moment of the process.

I know this will help.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/F2qpkBwEtqs

Please do not forget to share with friends or family who might need these tips.

Love and light.

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PH.D., MBA

Author, Spiritual Counselor, Corporate Trainer, Speaker

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

 

Rich Thoughts, Poor pessimism


It’s often said that the quality of our thoughts determines the quality of our experiences. Thoughts are the lens through which we see and interpret the world.

feelings

However, thoughts do not create reality per say. Apparently, reality can neither be created nor destroyed. Thoughts are what determine the realities that we experience. If we choose to think rich healthy thoughts, then we achieve two things:

(i) We experience a rich and healthy emotional state.

(ii) We starve the negativity.

the-power-of-the-mind

Therefore, considering that energy flows where attention dwells, rich thoughts equate to poor pessimism: “poor” in regards to being denied the focus.

I’m aware that the topic of positive thinking is not new. Millions of visionaries, teachers and self-development personalities have written about, and discussed the power of our thoughts—due to the complexity and depth of our negative programming. We’ve been so immensely programmed to live in illusion: worrying about things that don’t, or no longer exist: depending on other people’s stories or our past experiences to forecast the future: holding onto negative emotions from our past experiences as if they serve us: blocking the flow of life, and the power in the now.

Power p

Whatever situation you are facing today remember that you have the power to choose which thoughts and states to focus on.

One tip is to go back to the positive state or event right before the negative one happened…the one that is currently bombarding your emotions with negativity. Then, focus on the positive state as you tap into the related positive emotions. Dive into this picture, embrace the positive states. Feel the good feelings you felt during that experience. Then anchor in these emotions by placing your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Every time you feel a negative emotion, place your tongue to the roof of your mouth for a few minutes. This should help you get in touch with the positive state that you anchored.

This process will help you remember that you are not your emotions. You are more. You can hence become a witness, which then empowers you to ease the grip that these emotions have on your feelings.

Thirsty for more? Check out my book – Do Not Force It, Tap The Good. This book shares lessons that the world can live by.

High Resolution Front Cover.3594241

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PhD, MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor, Success Coach/Mentor

Tapthegood.com

http://www.amazon.com/not-Force-TAP-THE-GOOD/dp/1461079098

author@tapthegood.com

Cell: 818-862-1182

You Are Not Different From a Rainbow:


Rainbow-trees-rainbows-37463978-800-409

The rainbow is one of the most splendid creations of all times. Cultures all over the world have elicited different symbolisms from its occurrence. In The Bible, it is indicated as a symbol of God’s intention to purify the world. In most African cultures, it is a sign of deliverance from trouble. Other cultures equate it to a new beginning, hope, and wealth. The argument is that none of this magical finery is forced to occur or even maintain its form. If the right circumstances are not met, by the sun shining onto droplets of moisture in the earth’s atmosphere, the multicolored arc will not manifest.

Rainbows

Likewise, if we want to manifest a better life, we have to meet the equivalent emotional, mental, spiritual and practical conditions. We have to redesign our internal representations, and mindsets to reflect on what we want mirrored in our experiences.

 Today-I-Take-back-my-power

We have to let go of the old mind programming that doesn’t serve us, and install now beliefs and thought processes that are in congruence with what we want: and this is actually when we fulfill the necessary conditions to manifest good experiences.

Rainbow2

If you want to learn more, Do not Force It, Tap The Good, is a book that explains in detail how to tap into our infinite potential, take our power back from negative prompters, and then meet the conditions to become the authorities of our crafts.

High Resolution Front Cover.3594241

Where do you find this book? Amazon, Kindle, and www.tapthegood.com

Love and light.

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D., MBA

Author, Counselor, Success Coach / Mentor

www.tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com

http://www.amazon.com/not-Force-TAP-THE-GOOD-ebook/dp/B006JNBGDW

It’s All About You.


Divine intervention2

It is not selfish to say that it’s all about you. It’s actually empowering. Remember that you are the most important treasure for your life. Without you, your life and world do not exist.

I understand that we’ve been programmed to make our lives about others.  It’s been the right thing to do. It’s deemed the spiritual thing to do. However just like batteries, they won’t have any purpose if they aren’t charged. By understanding that it’s all about you, you prepare and charge yourself for the world. Your wellbeing is the key to your giving, living, loving, and being.

How do you give what you don’t have?

How do you donate from an empty account?

How do you support when your foundation is cracking?

You need to fully own who you are in order to give yourself to others–without losing yourself in the process.

That’s why it’s vital to take care of you before anything or anyone else. This is not selfish. It’s actually the exact opposite. It is the most enlightened philanthropy.

How do you program yourself to remember that it’s all about you?

Do Not Force It, Tap The Good: How to Tap into one’s Inner Infinite Intelligence, Develop a Profound Positive Mindset, and Live Life on his/her Terms, is a book that show you how.

High Resolution Front Cover.3594241

Love and light

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana Ph.D., MBA

Author, Speaker, Counselor / Coach

www.tapthegood.com

author@tapthegood.com