Afraid of Public Speaking? Ask the Fear….


3a355333-24bb-41a2-b460-2209f0a067bbAs I walked down the church’s isle towards the front, I could hardly breathe. Everything within me was telling me to run, scream or call my mama for refuge. My heart beat so hard and so fast and I concluded that everyone in the church was hearing it. As I pulled my legs to establish the next step I was barely taking, I felt as if something had tied my leg and hip muscles with iron chains to prevent me from moving forward. I wanted to crawl but somehow somewhere I kept walking…call it stumbling. My eyes got teary. I could hardly see. I don’t even remember how I got to the podium. The pastor handed me the microphone which I looked at as if it were a huge machete designed to cut me into pieces. I attempted to say, “Halleluya,” only to have a big drop of saliva escape out of my mouth. 

No alt text provided for this image

It was the first time I spoke in public intending to promote my first book. I failed miserably. I’m not even sure how people lined up to buy the book after my mumbled speech. This must have been the making of a dead relative who loved me, an angel or God. Who knows? I don’t. 

The Moral:

I was afraid of public speaking. This experience propelled me to join the Toastmasters International organization, and their programs helped improve my communication, and public speaking skills. 

Now as a counselor, I’ve also learned that we can question our fears. 

How it Works:

Let’s imagine that you are about to give a speech. And a bunch of butterflies visit your tummy. Your nerves recognize the “visitors” and decide to fire up. You start to tremble and your breaths get shorter. What do you do? 

Here are a few tips that will help:

1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

2. Ask, “How is this fear benefiting me?” Stay still and listen for a few minutes. You will discover that this fear is only there to teach you a few lessons such as:

a. You are more than this fear because it is smaller than you and you shouldn’t be afraid of it.

b. The fear is inspiring you to improve something about your communication skills, improve your self-image/confidence, be more prepared, or improve the content you are about to share. 

Beyond that, this fear does nothing beneficial for you. If you get your mind to focus on these lessons, the fear will disperse. The problem is creating more meanings or conclusions about the fear. For instance, you could decide that the fear means you are not good enough; people will laugh at you; people will judge you. Your content sucks, etc. Once the mind comes up with such perceptions to expand on the fear, just know that they are lies: illusions created without evidence. Unless you can come up with evidence that all these things are true, then it is time to ignore your mind. Note that just because the mind says you are in danger doesn’t make it so. Remember that the mind can be full of crap and if you let it take over, it will manipulate your actions, fail you and get you to blame yourself thereafter. 

“Just because the mind says you are in danger doesn’t make it so. Remember that the mind can be full of crap and if you let it take over, it will manipulate your actions, fail you and get you to blame yourself thereafter.” 

I’m sure you want to know the book I was promoting. Here you have it. 🙂

Advertisements

A Lazy man’s Way to a Stress-free Life: 10 Tools to Keep Off Stress


Stressfree

Negative experiences often leave us stressed and worn out. During such times, I find it challenging to refer to any advice about how to keep off the stress. Yet I know I have to dust it off, get my lazy butt off the ground and keep moving forward. How I get up when I feel so overwhelmingly lazy and beaten up by circumstances, is another story.  

If you’ve been stressed and so lazy to give a crap about how to snap out of it, welcome to my club. I’m certain that my 10 tips to keep off stress will do just that…get your lazy stressed, beautiful behind off the ground and propel you to move forward. 

Below, are 10 things I do when I feel stressed and lazy.  I know they will help you. 

  1. Breathe. Just stop often and take long, deep breaths.
  2. Meditate (Listen to this recording for the simple meditation techniques)
  3. Eat raw food as long as it is edible. This is easy because it will save you all the trouble involved in cooking. And the benefits…..magic.
  4. Drink a lot of water. This is an inexpensive and easy way to keep hydrated. The benefits are abundant.
  5. Have long baths
  6. Go for a walk. Note that a walk is easier than a run or weight lifting. So, it should be easy to do. Right?
  7. Listen to music. Suggestion: Listen to soothing and positive music. 
  8. Avoid friendships that way you down.
  9. Set simple, short goals. Don’t overwhelm your to-do list with tasks. Keep it simple. Besides, you are so lazy to add more crap to your plate.
  10. Sleep. Just sleep as much as you can. This will rejuvenate you.

These tips are simple, yet they can help one deal with stress. For details, click on this video and listen.

 Much love, friend. 

http://www.tapthegood.com

https://www.amazon.com/Jacent-M-Mpalyenkana/e/B00JE12ELO

How to Become YOU – The Truest Fullest Expression of Oneself – Episode 2


Auth

In this episode, I continue to discuss and share my views on becoming the truest fullest expression of oneself.

If you are so sick and tired of living a life that doesn’t seem like yours, these episodes will help.

Link to Episode 1 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GshYX…

Remember, March 1st is Global Worry-free day.

http://www.tapthegood.com

https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-T…

How to Become The Truest Fullest Expression of Oneself – Part 1


Who you have conditioned yourself to be is who you present to the world. Who you are is always embraced in what you offer to the world. And what you receive is equivalent to who you are. Remember that you can never get anything less or more, of who you’ve conditioned yourself to be. So, if you don’t like what you are receiving from the world, change who you are and everything else will change. And this begins by seeking the kingdom of God within you, where all the answers of who you truly are, and the purpose of your existence, dwell. And trust me, this has absolutely nothing to do with religion, but with everything to do with the relationship you have with yourself, and with God, the Creator who dwells within you, as YOU.

Visualization

In this episode, I share a toll tale to emphasize the point that the only way to be is oneself. Then, I share some personal stories and tips on how to step into the real you by firstly embracing your self-image

10 Questions to Amplify Your Life Purpose


princess dianaWhen I was a kid, I wanted to be like the late Princess Diana. I really admired her. I first learned about her when I saw a picture of her in Cambodia where she was comforting kids who had been hit and crippled by landmines. I admired the fact that she was a princess who wasn’t afraid of serving others or getting her hands dirty. As I matured, I continued researching about her and later learned that she worked with different charities to serve the less advantaged and/or those who were affected by HIV/Aids and consequently, my admiration for her increased. Based on this, I decided that I wanted to work for the United Nations, in a war zone to serve those who were less advantaged. After college, I started searching for ways to join the UN. And in 2000, I finally got my first assignment working with the United Nations Mission in Kosovo.

Why am I telling you this?

The point of the story is that I created this vision in my mind before I could practically experience it in my physical reality. It was like I made a wish which was finally granted. Although it took many years before I realized this dream, the fact is that I dreamed about it first. I knew what I wanted. At one point when I was getting frustrated that I may never realize my dream, my grandmother told me to keep visualizing and to keep the faith that my dream was possible to achieve.

life purpose

It is often indicated that, “As within, so without,” meaning that whatever we create in our minds with clarity, firm intention and faith, will be manifested in our physical realities. Note that the only place where everything is possible is in your mind.

Whatever we create in our minds with clarity, firm intention and faith, will be manifested in our physical realities.

The purpose of this questionnaire is to get you to think about what you want, who else you can be, and the abundant possibilities available for you to explore.

Take time to think through these questions and then write down your answers. Feel free to rewrite the answers until you feel comfortable with them. Remember to imagine that there are no limits and that your desires can be realized.

If your dreams make sense to a lot of people, dream bigger until everyone calls you a dreamer.

  1. How much money do you want to possess? (Please indicate any amount of money you want. Do not limit yourself.)
  2. If you were super-wealthy, what would you do on a normal Monday morning?
  3. What is your dream career/job/work?
  4. If your success was granted what product, service or idea would you offer to the world?
  5. If you were to have your own television show what would you talk about and who would be your audience?
  6. Which celebrity or famous person’s career and lifestyle do you admire and why?
  7. If you were offered a new home of your choice, what would it look like? Where would it be located?
  8. If you were to be in perfect health—mind, body and spirit, how would that feel?
  9. If God/Creator or whoever you believe in, were to physically appear in your bedroom on a Sunday morning, what would you ask for?
  10. If you were granted any number of years to be alive, how many years would they be and what would you do with your life?

These questions will get you thinking beyond appearances. If you take time to search for answers that sit well with you, you will discover that you can dream as big as you want with a possibility of realizing these dreams.

Remember, if your dreams make sense to a lot of people, dream bigger until everyone calls you a dreamer.

lifepurpose-2

“No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.”~ Lupita Nyong’o.

https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

Turning Fear Into Confidence – With an NLP Session


Brain 1

Fear is normally projected to inspire us to choose whether to flee to fight. Depending on what has triggered the fear, it’s up to us to choose which feelings to generate after the fear is triggered.

In this NLP session, I deal with a belief of not being good enough, as the source of the triggered fear. Then, I employ a simplified version of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) to dissipate the fear and turn it into confidence.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/oZ4vcUXR6a8

04_Confidence_Quotes_Quotes_A_man_cannot-696x365

Please go through the session everyday for as long as it takes you to feel more confident.

If you have questions, please leave them in the comments section below.

Happy holidays

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

The Art of Articulate Listening:


male-friendship-e1525114774298

One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.