How to Become The Truest Fullest Expression of Oneself – Part 1


Who you have conditioned yourself to be is who you present to the world. Who you are is always embraced in what you offer to the world. And what you receive is equivalent to who you are. Remember that you can never get anything less or more, of who you’ve conditioned yourself to be. So, if you don’t like what you are receiving from the world, change who you are and everything else will change. And this begins by seeking the kingdom of God within you, where all the answers of who you truly are, and the purpose of your existence, dwell. And trust me, this has absolutely nothing to do with religion, but with everything to do with the relationship you have with yourself, and with God, the Creator who dwells within you, as YOU.

Visualization

In this episode, I share a toll tale to emphasize the point that the only way to be is oneself. Then, I share some personal stories and tips on how to step into the real you by firstly embracing your self-image

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10 Questions to Amplify Your Life Purpose


princess dianaWhen I was a kid, I wanted to be like the late Princess Diana. I really admired her. I first learned about her when I saw a picture of her in Cambodia where she was comforting kids who had been hit and crippled by landmines. I admired the fact that she was a princess who wasn’t afraid of serving others or getting her hands dirty. As I matured, I continued researching about her and later learned that she worked with different charities to serve the less advantaged and/or those who were affected by HIV/Aids and consequently, my admiration for her increased. Based on this, I decided that I wanted to work for the United Nations, in a war zone to serve those who were less advantaged. After college, I started searching for ways to join the UN. And in 2000, I finally got my first assignment working with the United Nations Mission in Kosovo.

Why am I telling you this?

The point of the story is that I created this vision in my mind before I could practically experience it in my physical reality. It was like I made a wish which was finally granted. Although it took many years before I realized this dream, the fact is that I dreamed about it first. I knew what I wanted. At one point when I was getting frustrated that I may never realize my dream, my grandmother told me to keep visualizing and to keep the faith that my dream was possible to achieve.

life purpose

It is often indicated that, “As within, so without,” meaning that whatever we create in our minds with clarity, firm intention and faith, will be manifested in our physical realities. Note that the only place where everything is possible is in your mind.

Whatever we create in our minds with clarity, firm intention and faith, will be manifested in our physical realities.

The purpose of this questionnaire is to get you to think about what you want, who else you can be, and the abundant possibilities available for you to explore.

Take time to think through these questions and then write down your answers. Feel free to rewrite the answers until you feel comfortable with them. Remember to imagine that there are no limits and that your desires can be realized.

If your dreams make sense to a lot of people, dream bigger until everyone calls you a dreamer.

  1. How much money do you want to possess? (Please indicate any amount of money you want. Do not limit yourself.)
  2. If you were super-wealthy, what would you do on a normal Monday morning?
  3. What is your dream career/job/work?
  4. If your success was granted what product, service or idea would you offer to the world?
  5. If you were to have your own television show what would you talk about and who would be your audience?
  6. Which celebrity or famous person’s career and lifestyle do you admire and why?
  7. If you were offered a new home of your choice, what would it look like? Where would it be located?
  8. If you were to be in perfect health—mind, body and spirit, how would that feel?
  9. If God/Creator or whoever you believe in, were to physically appear in your bedroom on a Sunday morning, what would you ask for?
  10. If you were granted any number of years to be alive, how many years would they be and what would you do with your life?

These questions will get you thinking beyond appearances. If you take time to search for answers that sit well with you, you will discover that you can dream as big as you want with a possibility of realizing these dreams.

Remember, if your dreams make sense to a lot of people, dream bigger until everyone calls you a dreamer.

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“No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.”~ Lupita Nyong’o.

https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

Turning Fear Into Confidence – With an NLP Session


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Fear is normally projected to inspire us to choose whether to flee to fight. Depending on what has triggered the fear, it’s up to us to choose which feelings to generate after the fear is triggered.

In this NLP session, I deal with a belief of not being good enough, as the source of the triggered fear. Then, I employ a simplified version of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) to dissipate the fear and turn it into confidence.

Link to video – https://youtu.be/oZ4vcUXR6a8

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Please go through the session everyday for as long as it takes you to feel more confident.

If you have questions, please leave them in the comments section below.

Happy holidays

http://www.tapthegood.com

 

The Art of Articulate Listening:


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One day, a young graduate student visited a wise retired professor with intent to get some wisdom about his career path. Upon arrival at the retired professor’s home, the later, offered the student, a cup of tea. Shortly after, the young student started talking about his studies, what he knew, who he wanted to be after graduate school, the books he had read—to mention but a few. The professor listened attentively without interruption until the end of their appointment.

As the student left he asked the professor, “Sir, how come you didn’t give me any wisdom?”  “Your cup is too full to take in any more wisdom. If you wanted to learn from me you would have emptied your cup before you got here. You would have given me a chance to speak and then listened to what I had to say.” Responded the professor.

The morale of the story is the basis of this article. We tend to speak more than we listen. We judge others before we know about them or what they have to say. Consequently, we block our minds from listening and start figuring out how we shall respond when they are done speaking. With such mindset, we miss out on the wealth of information that they might have to offer.

Why We Don’t Listen

In order to understand the art of articulate listening I believe it is important to examine why we don’t listen.  Following are a few reasons why we don’t listen.

~ We Don’t Believe in Ourselves.

When you don’t believe in yourself you will always compensate by trying to outshine others. You will find it urgent to prove to others that you are better than them. Yet in actuality, you are only trying to prove to yourself that you are better than what you believe yourself to be. As such, you interrupt others as they speak or stay in your head to figure out something smart to respond.

~ When we are Hurting on the Inside:

When we are hurting we don’t have the patience to listen to others. We are so busy in our heads dwelling on what went wrong. We are absentminded.

~ When we are Selfish

Selfishness is a sign of fear. When we are so afraid of not having enough, not having more, or not having what we want, we tend to be self-centered. We become greedy and want more of everything for ourselves. We seek for attention and don’t want to give any. Fear prompts us to ignore other people’s needs, needs such as listening.

~ Habit/programming:

If we grew up in environments where people didn’t listen to one another, we developed the conviction that that’s the way communication is. As adults, our behavior projects our programming, i.e. not listening for this case. For the most part, with such upbringing we don’t know any better. We simply don’t know how to listen.

~Unconscious Bias.

When we are unconsciously biased or have prevailing beliefs about someone who is holding a conversation on a particular subject, we automatically disregard their message because we believe otherwise. For instance, it’s commonly believed that women are not the best car mechanics. So, if a woman starts telling you about how to solve a car problem, you will automatically block your mind from listening attentively to what they are saying.

~ Other reasons why we don’t listen could be related to; anger, low self-esteem, or mental clutter–which gets us overwhelmed and not present.

When we don’t listen we miss out on learning or simply experiencing something different or new from the person speaking. We fail to know more about the people we deal with and as such, we are always surprised or shocked about their behavior. Furthermore, the lack of listening reflects on one’s mindset and self-worth. Note that as within so without. So, if one doesn’t know or appreciate the benefits of listening articulately to others it is evident that they don’t listen to themselves. They don’t understand or simply refuse to understand the value of listening to oneself, and hence to others.

How to Listen Articulately

~ Empty your mind of all judgment and information that you might know about the person speaking. Be open-minded.  

Listen with your heart, you will understand.” — Pocahontas

~ Be 100% present, in the current moment and avoid thinking about anything else other than what the person is saying.

Listening means taking as second to consider what they’re saying, not just hearing their words. ~ Anonymous

~ Repeat what they are saying often, or ask questions to reinforce their message such that they know that you are listening.

~ Maintain a soft gaze as you look in their eyes, and a pleasant/soft smile if the conversation is pleasant. Note that you don’t have to smile if someone is telling you about a death. 🙂

~ Node your head often, but too much, to let them know that you are listening.

Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. ~Margaret J. Wheatley

~ Take notes if necessary, and read a summary of your notes to them after they are done speaking.

~ Use terms such as, “Tell me more,” to encourage them to tell you more.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~ Dalai Lama

 ~ Ask them if they are done speaking before interjecting with your comments. It is also advisable to respond with the positives in their message or what you agree with before you share your perceived negatives.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. ~Robert Frost

 ~ Observe their body language so that you understand what they mean beyond their words.

Listening has the quality of the wizard’s alchemy. It has the power to melt armor and to produce beauty in the midst of hatred. ~ Brian Muldoon

Articulate listening has many benefits including, but not limited to the following:

Good listeners create great relationships; people tend to trust them more. A good listener is a present person who will rarely miss out on what’s happening in the moment. A good listener is also a people-person because everyone wants to be around someone who will listen to them.

In the corporate and business worlds, articulate listening is a powerful communication tool for the art of persuasion to work. When we listen we get to learn about what makes people tick, what they want, and how they want it and then design our messages in a way that triggers their actions, which then benefit us.

The book below contains excellent content on the subjects of communication and the art of persuasion. Check it out.

Looking for inspirational books to keep you inspired and empowered during these holidays, check out the books below.

 

The Difference Between True Friendship and Conditional Arrangements


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“Are They Your True Friends?” This is a statement that my grandmother asked me every time I complained about my friends.

Growing up, friendship meant consistent and good communication. It was okay to pick up a phone and call a friend just for the shake of it. It was normal to call a friend and follow up on how they were doing. It was proper for friends to show up at your home, or vice-versa if they had to.

Friendship was treated as a gift, and for the most part, friends were loyal to each other. Certainly, there were betrayals, gossip and falling out, but when someone was a true friend you rested assured that you could rely on each other.

Nothing more prized than friendship

What are Conditional Arrangements?

Of late friendships are more of conditional arrangements. The people you refer to as friends will only communicate if they want something from you. A few years ago I had a “friend” who was pursing a doctorate, and she was very consistent in communicating when she needed my help. She responded to all my text messages almost instantly and was always available. When she completed her doctorate, our friendship went on a down spiral. She started communicating less. At one point, I invited her for my annual seminar, and sent her three emails as reminders. But she neither responded nor showed up. Yet, I had supported her whenever she needed me. With time, every time I texted her she wouldn’t respond for days, and sometimes, weeks. And her texts became shorter and even rude. So, I realized that it was time for me to step aside and let her be.

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People in conditional arrangements seem to be so busy for friendships. A few characteristics of conditional arrangements include but are not limited to the following:

  1. When you text or call someone and they don’t call you back in at least a week, and with a viable reason why they didn’t respond immediately, you are just a colleague. I know that sometimes life gets in the way, and we all get extremely busy. However, if you truly value a friendship you will find a way to get back to them sooner than later.
  2. If they hurt you and don’t apologize, it is a conditional arrangement. They don’t really care if you leave or stay. They literally take you for granted.
  3. If they don’t keep their word it is a conditional arrangement. If someone hurts you, and maybe apologizes but hurts you again in the same way, it is a conditional arrangement. True friendship is based on integrity.
  4. If they gossip about you it is a conditional arrangement. Gossip is normally based on fear, envy, competition or jealousy. Those attributes do not consistent true friendship.
  5. If you feel as if you are forcing the friendship, when you are the initiator of all your interactions, it is not true friendship.
  6. If you are always supporting them and they don’t support you, it is a conditional arrangement.

Note that although unconditional friendships do not expect anything in return, everyone in the relationship gives 100%.

  1. If they walk away in the midst of your challenges, they aren’t true friends. A true friend will always be there for you regardless of how challenged you may be.
  2. A true friend will never judge you. They will accept you as you are and will never attempt to change you. They won’t try to force you to do or be something you don’t believe in. They will respect your opinions and although they may not always agree with you, they won’t disregard you just because you are not on the same page.

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In general, of late, people seem to be so engrossed in their own lives that they don’t have time to invest in friendships. And I believe it is also because we are all afraid and suspicious of each other. We aren’t sure about other people’s intentions. This might be based on the fact that we’ve been betrayed severally by those we have deemed as friends. Consequently, we build huge impenetrable walls around us to prevent others from connecting with us. However, although we remain safe in our protective cocoons we miss out on how true friendships can benefit us.

The rules of true friendship also applies for relatives. Just because someone is your relative doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand how to be friends with you.  If someone is not friends with themselves, they will never know how to be friends with anyone else. True friendship begins from within.

Just because someone is your relative doesn’t necessarily mean that they understand how to be friends with you

The Characteristics of True Friendship:

To summarize this content, I base my concepts on Tony Robbins’ 6 core human needs of relationships.

  1. Certainty

A true friend will always make sure that you are certain of their friendship. For instance, they will be impeccable with their word. They will never lie, and if they do, it would mainly be to protect the relationship–plus they won’t lie often. Also, when you reach out to them, for the most part they will respond within a short period of time unless they are purposefully unavailable. And if they don’t respond immediately they normally get back to you as soon as they can.

  1. Variety

A true friend will be open to the variety of things or ways that can enhance a healthy relationship with you. They will also offer you a variety of options to deal with challenges when and if they occur. A true friend will offer spontaneity, excitement, surprises, and even a bit of chaos—just to keep the relationship stimulating. Note that although this core need mainly applies for lovers, a true friend will use it in ways that will keep your friendship fresh.

  1. Significance

A true friend will do things to make you feel loved, respected, celebrated, special and important. This takes someone who is also a true friend to themselves, because they will easily understand the importance of feeling significant and special. A friend will understand that when they hurt you, the way you feel matters more than what you did. They won’t try to justify their actions and ignore your feelings. They will acknowledge your feelings, apologize and then justify their actions. They will seek to be kind instead of right.

A true friend will do things to make you feel loved, respected, celebrated, special and important.

  1. Love and Connection:

This core need, is self-explanatory. It calls for respect, trust, integrity, consistence and good communication.

  1. Growth:

A true friend will always encourage you to grow. They will support your growth plans.

  1. Progress:

True friendship calls for progress. Note that if you are not progressing you are literally dying. A true friend will always push or support you to progress. They will be there when you feel stuck and will do whatever they can to help you get back up. And sometimes all it takes is a good listening ear without judgement.

Although the above suggestions might appear as if one is demanding so much from their friends, it takes one to know one. If one is a true friend to themselves they will understand what it takes to have and keep one.

Looking for a transformational coach and spiritual counselor? Reach out to me at tapthegood@gmail.com. For more about me, visit http://www.tapthegood.com

 

Keep Shinning Regardless – An Inspirational Message


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Have you ever shared your dream with someone only to be discouraged?

Have you ever been so certain about the direction that you want to take only to be told by someone you trust that you are going to fail?

If you answered yes, to any of the above questions then you understand how it feels when someone tries to blow out your light….damn your enthusiasm.

Apparently, it’s human nature for one to damn someone else’s light if theirs isn’t shinning. Remember that misery loves company, and if you are in company with people who have given up on their dreams, don’t expect them to inspire you.

Note that people who feel insecure about their own qualities will attempt to make others feel that way. They will devise mental plots to get you to start doubting yourself.

Furthermore, if one is stuck in a dark place for a while, understand that they have become accustomed to the darkness. They don’t want to experience anything different. Their brains have settled, and it normally takes some mental and emotional work for them to snap out of their illusion and start shinning their own light. Therefore, if you share your dream with someone in that mental state, be sure to receive discouragement.

“If one is stuck in a dark place for a while, understand that they have become accustomed to the darkness”

The next question is, what do you do if someone discourages you?

The answer lies in the very reason why you want to pursue your goal. Your why, should matter more than what anyone else says about you or your goals. Besides, what others think or say about you is their business: that’s their model of the world. Whatever one is projecting in their mind has nothing to do with you. Your business is what’s brewing in your own mind. Therefore, you can’t let naysayers retard your decision to move forward with your dream. Remember, no one but you has the power to put out your light. You are the master of your enthusiasm and your inner thrill, and it’s really up to you to keep shinning no matter what.

“No one but you has the power to put out your light.”

Serena Williams

In this video, I share a few tips that you can use to keep your light shinning. The tips are simple and I’m certain that you already know about them. However, sometimes it helps when we are reminded that the answers and solutions we seek for are always within us.

 

 

 

 

Love and light

http://www.tapthegood.com

Check out the inspirational books below that will help you to ignite your passion to live at the utmost potential, which already dwells within you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What to do When You Feel Uninspired


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How often do you feel uninspired?

What do you do when you keep procrastinating just because you don’t feel the urge to get started on a particular project?

What can you do to inspire yourself?

There are times when I have had projects to pursue: times when I know exactly what to do, how to do it, plus have the resources needed to get started. But for some reason, I couldn’t get started because I felt so uninspired.

Most times it is because my mind is stuck on what things are supposed to be, or shouldn’t be. Other times, I’m thinking about what’s wrong and how wrong it could get. And that’s how the matrix holds each of us captive. We find ourselves knowing what to do and not doing it. It is like you are aware that fire burns but you keep playing with it. You are aware that when you don’t take action nothing will be accomplished, but you don’t take action. What kind of BS is that? lol.

The underlying reason is because we are afraid. Note that we are either hosts of progress or hostages of fear. If your fear doesn’t drive you, you are its hostage. 

One of the ways to snap out of this mind block is to inspire ourselves. However, how do you inspire yourself when you don’t want to do anything? Apparently, you’ve consciously and/or subconsciously driven yourself into this emotional/mental mess. This also implies that if you feel lethargic, and you have lost the grip on how to get out. Yet, it is still up to you to get your stressed-behind out of this mess.  What do you do?

Here are a few steps to get you started on inspiring yourself. 

  1. Know that it is your responsibility to feel good and inspired. Remove the blame from anything or anyone out of yourself. Get a grip of your mind and make it your hostage. Direct your mind to do what you want instead of the other way round. Talk yourself into taking full responsibility of your emotions. 
  2. Remember, or find your why. Go back to the drawing board of why you want to accomplish that goal. For instance, during days when I don’t feel like writing or making videos to inspire my audience, I remember why–which is my life purpose. I know that when I inspire others through the different ways I do, this is the time I feel alive the most. Therefore, find your why.
  3. Meditate. Yes, meditate. Some people think that meditation is for monks. But I attest to the power of meditation. Meditation has helped me overcome some of the ugliest situations in my life. Meditation has rewarded me with a lot of clarity, enthusiasm and unconditional inner peace. It’s mainly through meditation that I get the ideas I write, and record about. The benefits of meditation are inexhaustible. To get started, you can check out my simple morning meditations on gratitude and divine love. The links are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgMpYijDTjU  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk7JhGZOZvU I also suggest that you start your day off with meditating. It makes all the positive difference. 

  4. Exercise: Once you change your physiology, your mood will change. Stand up, stretch, stand in your power pause, go for a walk, do yoga or whatever you can to get moving. This will amplify the production of your happy hormones and then get you inspired to take action. 
  5. Listen to affirmations. Here are a few I’ve recorded. Links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHyp6f8_jp4   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXf_l7hpFqw   
  6. Listen to your favorite music.
  7. Listen to inspirational messages. Some of these messages can be accessed by clicking on these links:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dl-rhzBgOY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flCW8oaRQYM
  8. Read a good book. You can read, Do Not Force it, Tap The Good — guaranteed to inspire you. Link to the book – https://www.amazon.com/Do-not-Force-TAP-GOOD/dp/1461079098

Tap The Good

8. Hire the services of a transformational coach or counselor. I offer 30 minutes complimentary sessions and these can be enough to facilitate your self-inspirational goals. To request for your free session, check out www.tapthegood.com/contact/

I’m certain that there are hundreds of other ways that you can employ to get you inspired. But the ones I have provided above, will create a strong foundation for you to get started on inspiring yourself. 

In the interim, do not worry. Nothing lasts for ever. Every thing will be okay. I promise. 

sending-you-much-love-healing-light-may-you-be-7181155

Remember to subscribe to my blog, and visit my YouTube channel to access hundreds of inspirational uplifting or problem solving tips I offer every week through my videos. Link – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqdoCgt0iLCT8gBAnXg-HGQ

Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, PHD, MBA

Author, Transformational Coach, Counselor, Speaker

http://www.tapthegood.com

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